When we go our separate ways in any relationship, it is possible to gain insight, left over belongings, and various shrapnel in the form of hurtful words and unsolicited brutal honesty. In this case, I was told we never actually had anything in common and we were not really friends anyway. Which is so interesting because I have long time friendships that are not always built on commonalities, but an actual bond stronger than hobbies and professional and personal ventures. But I digress.
So here I am, just told by this person that we were never really friends because of the way I conduct my life (mind you, I am not a felon or anything like this). I had asked him for the truth about what he thought (were we friends at one point, but not now? What gives?). I need closure, dude!
Did he tell me the truth, yes, and oh so much more! To use an AA term, he completely took my inventory (think Step Four). He pointed out every single shortcoming with brutal, uncompromising, and unfiltered honesty. It’s funny, because I thought we were not even friends. Where does this come from? Insecurities of his own. He’d flat out deny that. I would not air his dirty laundry here, but I can tell you, I restrained during this texting battle with him on offense and me on a weakened defense (I was half asleep). While he had some valid points, they lost credibility with me in part because he admitted he lied to me earlier in the conversation and also because he was not very accurate or relevant on the other points.
This was my last parting gift in a ‘not so real’ friendship. Next time I get into a relationship, I will be more cautious about divulging my hopes, fears, and vented complaints. My lesson in this gift, the gift itself so to speak, is that I need to get to know someone better before divulging all of these emotions. I don’t need to bleed emotion all over someone only to have them criticize me during the messy clean up.