Heavy baggage

So, on Sex and the City, Carrie started dating Berger, another author, soon realizing the Ex-Files would have to be opened. Ugh. Like Carrie, I so wish we could start a new relationship with a brand new slate. No background noise, no messy past.  Is it really necessary to go there? Really?  What good can happen from the discovery phase of old failed relationships?

Okay, I will give it a try. I will try to be open to the fact that heavy awkward baggage can be okay, if we communicate about it. I can’t see how we can dance around with baggage filled with unintended resentment and triggers and expect our partner to read our minds when we become ultra sensitive in a situation. I think we kind of have to discuss  the weirdness. And thus, unpack our messy baggage.   And here we go: alcoholics,  workaholics, fathers, mothers, and mentally unstable people come tumbling out waiting to shock, dismay and discourage us from exploring the further  depths that  our great new relationship can go, Sometimes I feel like our skeletons are scarier locked in those bulky  bags.

Since the beginning of our budding relationship, my boyfriend and I have brought the contents of our baggage to the forefront, into the light  We have to bring it up really, because our lives have become what they are because of our past. We can’t put our heads in the sand and pretend our past relationships never existed; they are part of who we are, for better or for worse.  I think the passage of our past relationships have made us better, stronger people, but they have also created triggers.  In order to understand why we react the way we do to certain situations,  we need to share our stories of the alcoholic, the workaholic, the mentally unstable partners of the past.  I guess we could start fresh and not talk about them and pretend that we don’t have any triggers or buttons that can be pressed. At my age, I think that’s a little unrealistic .  When my guy and I talk, it helps me diminish the power of past loves,  because its only in the dark where they seem to unleash their venom, if we were to keep their power (to upset us) secret.  We won’t let the past relationships ruin us when they are out in the open.

So, as much as I hate bringing up some of my past, I think it just may be the way to go in an open and honest relationship that is geared for a great and prosperous future, rich in love.

What I am listening to now: Hymnal by In The Valley Below

Do I miss single life?

The nightlife, the first dates, the first kisses…Will he call or more or less likely, text?  Do I miss the ability to do what I want when I want? Which could possibly mean eating a bag of licorice deep in cycling through six seasons of Sex and the City? Without judgment?  Do I miss douchebags cancelling or just blowing off a date? What do you think?? But the licorice eating and Sex and the City? Well, that’s a trick question.

Honestly, I don’t know how or why I could miss the majority of single life.  It was lonely and unrewarding. The last guy I dated before I met my current boyfriend was an absolute douchebag. He was a great actor/player. He only kept two dates with me and one he was two hours late for. So, he just wasn’t that into me. That’s absolutely fine. Then grow a pair and tell me….don’t string me along. Yes, Patton, I am talking about you  The guy before him? We just weren’t compatible; he wasn’t a douchebag, but it would have never worked. Belize had been a disaster.

By the end of the Belize vacation, I was resigned to being single for a long time. I just wasn’t going to sell out to anyone who happened  to be interested in me or someone I was interested in (but the feeling wasn’t mutual).  I was so thankful I had scheduled  my  12 day vacation in the spring. It would be a celebration  of my independence and singlehood.  Then Christmas Day happened.   I couldn’t resist the chemistry that happened. We just seemed to belong together.

So today, I am so happy to be where I am. I had mixed feelings about leaving my boyfriend to go Europe, I was anxious about whether our relationship was solid enough to be leaving the country for almost two weeks.  Or what he would do when I was gone. That’s my insecurity talking, by the way. I completely trust him and that did take a minute to develop.  I have to remember to celebrate my independent nature even if I am ecstatically  saying good-bye to the single lifestyle. I need to do me once in a great while; this European vacation  has not an iota  to do with saying  so long to monogamy. That’s a no brainer I am extremely  committed to my guy and I have absolutely no desire to even entertain flirting.  This is taking some time to celebrate 50 years on this planet. That’s all.  I don’t think I need to be single and sacrifice my relationship to do some me time. It just happens to be 12 days out of the country.

So, do I miss being single? Not one bit. Not even a little.  I still eat licorice and watch Sex and the City, by the way.

 

What I’m listening to: Single by Everything But The Girl

I am baaaack….in a relationship!!

So its been a while. A long while; I think its been at least. I got back from Belize on December 18. I have not seen that guy since I returned to Denver. The next week, my life really got a new start.

I was on Plenty of Fish again. With not much luck. As usual…The guys were all the same. Except one. For some reason, I responded to his message. I didn’t respond to most. He seemed nice and not totally inappropriate. It’s kind of a  blur now, but I’ll tell you the story as best as I remember! We went from POF messages to texting on the phone pretty quickly. I had Christmas off which I never usually did in the past.  I told him I know Christmas may be a weird day to meet, but I am off. He said he may have plans with family that afternoon, but we could do a morning date and see what happens. I was a little bummed because I thought he just wanted an exit plan. But who doesn’t on the first date…I probably wanted one myself. He was pretty cool and never made any inappropriate requests of me. So far so good.  So Christmas day at the IHOP! It’s not the place, its the company you’re with, right?!

So Christmas day…its 8:3am and I am in my car. He’s punctual. Score one for the guy! He’s really cute and tall, just like his pictures. Score another point! Things are looking in the right direction. Finally, some hope. I think he gave me a hug, but looking back  on Christmas Day, I am not sure I remember everything. We sat down and we just stared at each other.  And talked Yes, no shortage of conversation. Going so so well Then, he reached out for my hand. I knew then we were not parting ways anytime soon. We basically decided right then and there that our first date was going to last all day. I could have told you right there that it was the end of first dates for me.  I don’t know how I knew that. I have NEVER had that feeling before. I’ve always had hope, sure. But never THAT feeling.

We left IHOP and decided we would spend the first days of many together. That day. Christmas day. What a great day for an anniversary date! I am Jewish, but still a fantastic day to remember that first date. We kind of knew…no….we definitely knew it was just us then. At least that’s how I remember it. We saw our first movie together and many more firsts followed that day. Yeah, you can use your imagination. Ha!

Our first date ended at 5:30pm that day. He never kept his plans with family that day. There was no need for an exit plan for either one of us. We were together. We knew it.. Now to explain that to our friends and family. Well, that would come soon enough.

So, the next week was filled with daily talks or texts and I think we saw each other a few times. I went out with my friend in Denver and we danced and had fun all night. I sent him a text of a selfie from the club and I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  Then New years came soon enough and we spent the night together with good friends and had a blast. I had the next day off and we spent the whole day together. We went out for Old Chicago and he dropped me off at my home.  Now this is when it gets a little crazy…..

We spent a lot of time together in the following weeks. Then toward the end of January, he spent the week with me. He was living with his brother (who was out of town) and we didn’t see the point in having him go home every day to no one. I told him I could watch his dog (who got a long great with mine)  when he left for work as I work from home.  He said “why not?”.  Yeah, this is the crazy part. He never left.

Yeah, I told you. Crazy!! But I wouldn’t want it any other way. And I don’t think he wants it any other way either. In that first month, we knew it was love. That doesn’t mean  you move in together. We both totally get that. We knew it was just us in love. We both had  long left POF in the first two weeks. He even gave me his  password to it to help him delete the account and discontinue his membership.  In that first two weeks we even posted that we were in a relationship on FaceBook  It’s for real. I have not posted my  relationship status since I was married.

What does the future hold? I don’t know, but our future right now is solid and we communicate really well; we have total physical chemistry. We have trust and security. It works for us living together and we have so much in common, considering we have completely different backgrounds. I don’t always get why this happened for us, but I am not second guessing it or trying to over think it I am just accepting that after the last few years, I definitely deserve this amazing man.

ITs almost been three months and things are awesome. I think the only thing that we need to work  on is our diet/nutrition and exercise regimen. I have gained a lot of weight during this ‘honeymoon’ period, just eating whatever. I haven’t been working out as much But that’s going to change.

There you have it: my newest huge update. I will be keeping everyone posted with how thing is going Something is bound to happen. I did have a little blip in my security/insecurity radar this week. I will fill you in next time Its resolved already but I will share with you that hurdle in my next post.

 

Until then!! Have a great week!!

Deep in the world of dating

Sorry, its been a while. If you remember, I was unclear in my intentions with the last guy I dated. I realized and questioned whether our lifestyles were viable, not to mention the distance between us. Physical distance, I mean. Turns out, it just wasn’t going to work for me. It’s going to be even more awkward when we go to Belize together. In honor of myself and dating, I felt it only appropriate to get my own room.  When you’re  dating, you  can’t expect these new guys to understand that you are sharing a room with someone you have no interest in dating or otherwise. Can you? I didn’t think so. Not appropriate. At all. The guy was saying “the guy you’re dating should understand you’re just friends with me.”. NIce try, but no go.  So I got my own room and it was expensive, but a peace of mind is priceless. Am I right?

So yes, while the Belize  guy just assumes I am dating, I have officially started wading in the dating pool once again. Deeply wading. Online. The scammers are still there; in fact, I talked to one the other day. They are so easy to spot, then you can call them out on it. I have told two so far they are absolute frauds. However, I have been out with two people and like one in particular. I have a second date this Saturday, so we shall see; My boundary that I  am firm on is monogamy .I have even told this new guy that I am fine if he is not ready for the move toward monogamy ,but he knows there will be no sex till then. It’s just my thing. I feel like if I value myself, i am going to not only tell them my boundary, but at least as importantly, I am going to stick to it! This guy is hard to read, but he seems interesting and interested. He could be really genuine and honest about not being ready,. And/or he could be a total player and wants to not give that up till the last minute.  I don’t know. But if I take it slow (what a concept!), these things will figure themselves out. I’ll find out more Saturday evening while we cook some dinner and drink some Cabernet.  This is the deal; I know what I want. I am going to be patient and wait for him to figure it out for himself. I have time.  He told me the other day “You’re sexy as fuck and you’re really pretty”. Are these two mutually exclusive qualities?  Is this a compliment or what?! I think it is, but I will wait that out also. And last night he even admitted  that he’s glad we waited on our first date. Since it was .our first date after all. I told him it can wait and I am worth it. Because I am.

 

 

London & Paris, oh my!

I just got the dates for my trip and I am so excited. For those who may remember my Paris trip last year, I have decided to revisit Paris. For those who weren’t around then, you can see one of my dedicated posts here: Paris, Part Two: Arriving In Paris.

I have decided that for my 50th birthday upcoming  (quite a few months away and shortly after the trip), i would plan a slightly bigger trip than last year. I have added a layer of complexity to the plans by adding London to the mix.  I will be visiting  London first, then Paris. I am planning on four nights in London; on the fifth full day, I will be taking the train from London to Paris; there i will spend the rest of my time till the next Friday. I have my Paris housing almost set; I just need to put down a deposit. I need to figure out  where I want to stay in London. Kensington or Hyde Park sounds good. Maybe Notting Hill. I just want a safe and centralized location to stay. If you have any thoughts or actual places, let me know; I have been checking out Air BnB, but I have found little availability during my proposed week (which is non-negotiable as this is my granted Paid Time Off that I signed up for).   I think I need to make a list of the sights I want to see.

I plan on utilizing the Metro & the Undergrouond a l to and I will have travel passes on both public transportation systems. I may also buy the London Pass and the Paris Pass to get to see the passes and have some days of unlimited travel.

 

Stay tuned!!

Getting honest…

Sooo, I have turned a corner in my life. I am ready to blog about my former marriage and divorce and  its hard. Oh so hard to even think about.  I have procrastinated too long; and by too long, I simply mean since October. This is going to unfold slowly.  I want to share the experience of my marriage and divorce and what happened to land me back in the world of dating and single life.

Bear with me. I will work on posting about this relationship, not only the marriage and divorce and life post-divorce, but also the courtship in the beginning.  I will  still post about fitness, current relationships, etc in between. When you’re reading my posts, I invite you to comment or email me about what I have written. I won’t fall apart or get upset.. I got divorced in 2011; things are much better for me now.. I just want to be as raw and honest and in the moment as I possibly can to express the palpable fear and stress I lived with almost daily.  There was no physical abuse. The fear comes from emotional mistreatment and my ex-husband’s anger issues.  And I will be explicit in my story of getting through it all. And how that happened. I’ll give you a hint: family and friends. But I am getting way ahead of myself.  These posts will reveal personal information about those other than me, but I will be keeping their identity completely anonymous as I have on this blog thus far. My hope is that my story will not only help people realize they are not alone, but the telling of my experience will be liberating as well.

Also, please please please: If you have any advice on how to get this on a blog or how I should proceed, by all means, drop me a line  by email or comment below.

On that note, I will let all my readers know that I am going back east to visit family this weekend and won’t return till Wednesday; I haven’t decided if i am bringing my iPad, so you may hear from me.

Have a fantastic week and I will definitely be back next week!!