Forever. And a day.

WOW! I had no clue I abandoned my post, literally, for about three months. I am so sorry!

The good news is that I have been so busy with life and fitness with my optimal health plan, that my  short term fitness,  life goals and outcomes have been favorable!

1. EXERCISE: What a great thing to do! I am improving in this department. My healthy living (with a side of weight loss) program discouraged too much exercise when I was going through such a radical calorie reduction. I soon understood why. Now, in transition, I am getting back to the exercising/walking, both outside and on the treadmill. I am excited to get physically fit in shape in time for warm weather fun in the mountains!

2. LOST OVER 25 POUNDS: This was an amazing feat! I gained so much weight in the last 2 years since losing weight in 2016. WHY?! How did  I let that happen? I can tell you exactly what happened. Maybe this has happened to you. I did not transition into a way of healthy living. I did not set myself up for healthy maintenance eating and healthful and wise choices.  I  have now lost weight and looking to lose about 10 more.  Most importantly, I am learning how to live with daily healthy living with a slight bent toward losing a bit more weight. Once I get to my desired weight, I will admit that the healthy living will be a challenge. I want the healthy living and most of the time, its not that hard. But sometimes….. yes, sometimes I am craving nachos and nerds or gummy bears. I am not going to lie. I want to stay in this weight loss mode until I am secure in my healthy choices and know I am not going to yo-yo back to this weight from December.

3. NO MORE DATING ONLINE (doing something else that I will delve into a little later for all your curious people)….yay! I have joined more of a matchmaking thing. I guess we still have to put ourselves out there. This time, it seems different. It involves more work, but the outcome hopefully includes some more quality. With those free online sites, you get what you don’t pay for! You know what I am talking about: Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Tinder…the list goes on.  It’s also dramatically different because instead of getting into the time suck of these dating sites (yes, plural), I can live life and blog more, work more, and exercise more. I can check in on line with this different singles group after selecting certain people.  We’ll see how this goes. I don’t officially start being eligible online till after I finish my profile. Who knows that this singles group will bring!

4. BOUGHT A TOWNOUSE!! Okay, how did this just happen in three months? I wasn’t even looking for a place. The truth is I wasn’t looking at all. I went to an open house one weekend with a friend. I fell in love with the townhouse I saw. I called over my future realtor and talked to a lending officer right then and there. She was at the open house.  The unexpected and rare thing happened: a domino effect of contractual agreements just fell into place.  From the date the offer was accepted and the contract signed, I closed on my townhouse 30 days later. I had no clue  my life would change this much this soon or how much my life would change. I think part of this is because I am moving to the suburbs from the city. It’s going to be a big change; but I think I am ready.

Yes, I have done this all since my last post in December! Things have been crazy and overwhelming, but reassuring that I have been making progress in positive life changes.

I think with these new changes (and being house rich cash poor I am sure), I will be blogging a lot more and sharing my dating experiences once again. And this time, in the middle of suburbia. Dating in suburbia. I see that being one of my future posts.

Stay tuned!

Parting gift….

When we go our separate ways in any relationship, it is possible to gain insight, left over belongings, and various shrapnel in the form of hurtful words and unsolicited brutal honesty.  In this case, I was told we never actually had anything in common and we were not really friends anyway.  Which is so interesting because I have long time friendships that are not always built on commonalities, but an actual bond stronger than hobbies and professional and personal ventures.  But I digress.

So here I am, just told  by this person  that we were never really friends because of the way I conduct my life (mind you, I am not a felon or anything like this).  I had asked him for the truth about what he thought (were we friends at one point, but not now? What gives?). I need closure, dude!

Did he tell me the truth, yes,  and oh so much more! To use an AA term, he completely took my inventory (think Step Four).  He pointed out every single shortcoming with brutal, uncompromising, and unfiltered honesty. It’s funny, because I thought we were not even friends. Where does this come from? Insecurities of his own. He’d flat out deny that. I would not air his dirty laundry here, but I can tell you, I restrained during this texting battle with him on  offense and me on a weakened defense (I was half asleep).  While he had some valid points, they lost credibility with me in part because he admitted he lied to me earlier in the conversation and also because he was not very accurate or relevant on the other points.

This was my last parting gift in a ‘not so real’ friendship. Next time I get into a relationship, I will be more cautious  about divulging my hopes, fears, and vented complaints.  My lesson in this gift, the gift itself so to speak, is that I need to get to know someone better before divulging all of these emotions.  I don’t need to bleed emotion all over someone only to have them criticize me during the messy clean up.

Paris, Part Two: Arriving In Paris

First of all I owe you all an apology. I said I would be publishing these Paris posts about a week or two after my trip and its been a month and I have only gotten one out. So here we are, over a month later and I absolutely miss Paris!!!!

I thought I would be able to easily describe Paris because I loved the experience so much. I’ll try to put it into words that will express my awe and wonder about this amazing city.

I arrived Sunday morning in Paris. I was so excited that even reading the French traffic signs and directions on the highways was fascinating.  When I got in the cab and called my landlady, she spoke with my cabbie to clarify directions. I then called our old family friend  to arrange our lunch.  Everything I had dreamed about and worked my ass off for was finally becoming a reality and I bathed in that ALL WEEK long. Believe me, I never spent a moment taking this for granted.  This was going to be the most amazing trip I had ever had in my adult life.

I arrived at my flat on Rue de Grenelle and my landlady was waiting for me. She was so nice. She helped me set up my WiFi and gave me the lay of the land. Then she invited me for tea up the street. I knew my family friend would wait and understand. So I went to this cute little place, the Cafe du Marche with her and we had tea and wonderful bread.  She invited me to join her for a drink around 7 p.m. at the Cafe.  I said “yes” of course.  I headed back to my flat and texted our family friend that I was ready and she picked me up and gave me an amazing driving tour of downtown Paris going from the Left Bank (where I was staying) to the Right Bank and back and forth. It was pretty awesome and the architecture is just fabulous. I was in awe; I just couldn’t stop staring at everything Paris.  We then parked the car and walked to a fantastic little  cafe. Of course, I thought everything was pretty damn fantastic.  I looked over the menu and had to have my favorite  type of soup, onion soup, French style and a chicken Caesar salad. To make my first Parisian meal more decadent, we had champagne. For dessert: crepe brûlée.   We chatted about old days back in Washington, DC (where I grew up). She gave me very useful tips on getting around Paris. It was as amazing of a first experience in Paris as I could hope for!

She gave me walking instructions from the cafe to my flat, passing the Eiffel Tower. I found  the Eiffel Tower to be more incredible than I would have imagined; this may be just because it represented Paris to me and here I was!! I was so happy that I was a bit overwhelmed that I was actually in Paris.

The next six days were a blur of metro, museums, and memories. This was my first big international trip and it was amazing. I didn’t make it to some of the sites I was hoping to hit, but my adventures fulfilled and took me beyond my expectations.

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Back from Paris

So sorry for the radio silence, but I made a decision not to bring my iPad to Paris and blog. Honestly speaking, I am so glad I made that decision, because I had quite the adventure. I am going to share my experience in three parts: pre-Paris, Paris, and my last night and travels back to the States.

You can expect to read these in the next week or two. This was one of my biggest adventures in my life (particularly going solo) and I can’t wait to share it with all of you!!

I want a partner, not a pedestal

So why are there so many men looking for princesses and queens on POF… other dating sites, for that matter? You’d  think they would know princesses and queens are for Disney or some far off country.   Or are there really a lot of women here in the US of A that want to be treated like a princess? I really don’t know the answer to that. I can’t imagine wanting to be treated like a princess and it leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth. Like Tab from the 80’s.

You see, I want a partner, not a pedestal. I want someone to walk side by side with me, someone I can discuss things with across the table at dinner. I am not helpless. I don’t need a proverbial pedestal to know my worth. I want to be able to be respected and treated as  an equal partner. I am not some princess that needs “things”, much less a pedestal for my ego.  What is it with guys today? What do they think we want?

A princess, I guess….

A break from Paris…

 

I know I am kinda obsessed about talking about Paris. I mean it, so excited. I can’t wait. Is there any possibility that I am putting off discussing and talking about what my blog is really about, friendships, relationships,etc? That something about being friends with someone important to me and moving on to see if there is someone else that brings me exceptional happiness. My guess, based on my six years of post divorce internet dating, is no.

Through all my experiences with online dating, no one really out there truly available is honest, funny, attractive and intelligent. Sure, these words are pouring all over the profiles. So are the words “looking for relationship”, etc.

In the last week at least, I have found people who state they live in Denver, but they are actually posted overseas for whatever reason for whatever time period. They promise to keep writing back and forth for an indeterminate amount of time. Last time I saw this a year ago, two guys tried to scam me. Of course I got pulled in to emailing them, but once the scam started, I got right out. And of course never heard from them again. The other half of the alleged “relationship seekers” use that as bait and as soon as you sound interested, they start asking about sexual positions and bed size. While a man may feel these are legitimate interview questions, I will maintain that there are other things I’d like to know about a perfect stranger that don’t include their sheet count or how many inches they are blessed or punished with…Jesus, boys. Reign it in a little bit. If you are looking for an actual relationship, these things can come a little later. If you are really about the FWB, it all makes perfect sense. Just be honest…. and this is why I have so much trouble with all this..

I operate on honesty as the highest premise. Sometimes, I don’t like the answer or what is reflected in honesty, but I would take integrity any day of the week. Sometimes knowing something to be true has me thinking about it, obsessed about it and unable to effectively move on. Then I remember, I asked for honesty. And yes, I am blessed when I am gifted with it (even in the dark hours of pretending ignorance is bliss).