The Treadmill

Even when I didn’t feel like getting on it today with my sore knees, I made the commitment to walk for 30 minutes. I can walk slower with a lower incline. But I need to just do it. I need to lose 40 pounds by July.

So I got on the treadmill. I chose a less vigorous walk and did not expend as many calories, but I did use it and took it easy on my knees. I will push myself tomorrow as well. It feels good to have something I can easily accomplish. I don’t think I could be as consistent if I didn’t have this access to a treadmill in my basement.

And I trudge on!

The Man free zone: two months in….

So aside from the unsuccessful dates I am agreeing to through the matching making service I paid too much for, my man free zone is clear of the Y chromosome, for the most part. I do have lunch with a male friend from time to time, but in my personal space there is not a single Y chromosome. How am I doing with this?

I am a little lonely. I am so picky …I feel its going to take a miracle to find someone I can tolerate. I don’t want someone perfect; that just doesn’t even exist anyway…and I don’t think he necessarily needs to check all the boxes…but the basics please. I hope by now, at least, he’s learning how to wash his hands after using the bathroom. He has to care about exercise, eating right, and not drink excessively. He just needs to be physically attractive to me and mentally sharp. It’s been nice being free of the drama on the dating sites, but I feel that I have almost been more successful there than this matchmaking service. But I will hold off till the end of March. 90 days is enough, but may be longer, who knows?!

Are my expectations too high? How do I lower them? Should I lower them? After April starts, I will revisit this and contemplate my expectations again.

What I am listening to: Back to Black by Amy Winehouse.

A new treadmill, a new journey…

So, here I am, rededicating my life (once again) to a healthier lifestyle. I made a list of goals in this area of my life. I hope I can meet or maintain them by July 1, 2020. I bought a beautiful treadmill after 2 months of contemplation. Is it worth it? Will I use it? Do I need it? I decided I am worth it. I will use it at least 5/7 days a week. Do I need it? I am not sure , but I think if having my own tread will help me use it 5/7 days per week, I do need it for my wellbeing. Because I am worth it.

I discontinued my gym membership right after I had the tread. In the first week of owning my treadmill, I used it 5 days the first week. I need to push myself. I am working on 30 minutes for each workout at least 3 days a week and the other two days, i will do 15min. I want to extend this in the next months to 45 and 30 respectively. Ive been getting a burning sensation in my shins and wondering if stretching will help this? If I can’t increase my speed, I will work on my incline, then eventually both speed and incline. I didn’t really use anything else at the gym, so I feel justified in just focusing on the tread at home. This one comes with yoga, stretch meditation, boot camps and other classes. I intend to make the most of it Of course its an additional membership, but so far it’s been worth it. My biggest goal on the treadmill is to PUSH MYSELF. I don’t run, so I am going to intensify my walk with increased speed, incline, and frequency of extended work outs.

As far as eating, the holiday season was insane. Too much crap: candy, carbs and chips, among other things. I want to get back to my breakfast shakes, carrots and celery for snacks, and proteins and veggies for meals. I am going to eat less when I go out and no desserts. It’s the little things…and big things that will make a difference. So my goals really combine fitness and health;

1. Lose 30 pounds by July 1,2020.

2. Continue 5/7 days per week using treadmill: at least 3 days maximum workout I am capable of.

3. No desserts or candy (these are not needed at all for any diet and thus, I will make an absolute rule as far as these items).

4. Blog weekly about my progress

5. Limit alcoholic beverages to 3/week maximum.

Do or not do. There is no try- Yoda

Wish me luck. With respect to my previous post about not dating for 90 days, I will have a lot more time to devote to these goals.

Stay tuned! Drop me a line if you have any advice!!

Man-free zone: 90 day trial period

So its been a while. I am so sorry, but the holiday season was crazy busy and I should have written more…..but, I didn’t and I apologize. Here’s the deal: Something very bizarre occurred on New Year’s Eve. This has never happened to me before, so I am going to share it. It’s a new one, even for me!

So New Year’s Eve. I headed out with one of my close friends and my date. He’s someone I went out with twice last year and totally flaked on me then. I thought we had great chemistry, so when we reconnected on Bumble, I thought I would take a chance and see what happens. In the week before we met, he was back east for Christmas. We texted; he even called once, which surprised me. Signals were strong for a good reunion. He said he was ready to date. He said that he’d really like to see me again So, here we go.

We met up at my house and headed out for dinner and met up with a mutual friend. From there we headed out to a bar with a huge New Years Eve party. The mutual friend got us a table (table service was pricey, yes!!) and we all sat there and hung out for about an hour. We took selfies. We drank. We were having fun. I thought. I was holding my date’s cell phone in my purse at his request. Then he asked to take a selfie off us. Then he just took back his phone. Moments later, he gave me a kiss and said he’d be right back. Just going to the restroom he had said. I should have seen it coming (with the taking back of the phone), but I didn’t. He had kissed me and gone out for a smoke 30 min before that, so I really didn’t think anything of it

Twenty minutes later, I started to wonder what’s going on. I texted him to see what was going on. Then I told my friend I hadn’t seen him and that’s when we checked (for some reason) the parking lot. His truck was gone. He left. He fucking left. I was shocked ,I was upset. I was livid. I started texting him and asked how he could do that to me after everything he had recently said. The texts came back as text messages instead of IMessages that go between two iPhones. He either turned off his phone or more likely, just blocked me. Then I checked my Bumble account (he was a match up to that night-I had looked at his profile before he came over). He deleted my profile. You can tell those things on Bumble. I kept wondering why he just left with no warning, no reason. He could have said “Hey, I’m going to just bail. I am not into this.” Something. But no. Instead, I got nothing. I ended up having a decent night, fueled by vodka cranberries and good friends.

It was that week that I decided that I need to take a break from dating.I have a membership to a matchmaking service I paid way too much for, so I will go on dates from that group. I’m already way invested. For everything else though? I deleted my profile off three different apps and deleted those apps off my iPhone. I know I need to spend that time differently, at least for the next 90 days. Then I will see where I am.

In these 90 days, I want to work on blogging more frequently, working out, getting back to a healthy lifestyle: eating less and more healthfully and less alcohol. I don’t drink a lot of alcohol, but I would like to cut back the amount and frequency even so. Because I won’t be likely to have any relationship posts (unless matchmaking date takes my breath away), I am going to focus more on my lifestyle and fitness posts.

Please join me on my journey and drop a comment if you would, if you have any advice or an anecdote to add.

What I’m listening to: Amy Winehouse-Back to Black.

Stay tuned!

Colorado: a dating desert 2.5

And here we are again! I met a very nice guy on OKCupid almost a month ago. We went out maybe three or four times. In my old ways, I probably would have realized I was not interested immediately. I just was not physically attracted to him. He was so nice though and we got along well and he was fun to be with. So why not? I will give it a chance. It almost seemed reminiscent of last year when I went to Belize with a guy that I realized was also a nonviable relationship. We had gone too fast too soon and booked a vacation a month in.  Anyway, I continued to make some new dates with this new guy; when I left to see family over Thanksgiving, my plans to watch my dogs fell through 2 days before I was supposed to leave. The new guy stepped up. I had no choice, but I did kinda trust him. I was pretty much forced to trust him. He took great care of my pups; he even picked me up from the airport with dogs and a dozen pink roses (they are my favorite and he knew it).  When he came back to the house we made dinner and one of my close friends came over for dinner. She liked him. Which is always nice when the people you trust like the new guy.  What was my problem? That night we went to bed and talked. Nothing happened because I couldn’t  put up with more than a single kiss, more like a peck if I am being honest.

So we reconvened Saturday night. He was very excited; he wanted to meet my friends who ended up having to take a rain check. I Ubered up there to the jazz bar close by, He met me and I knew it was going to be quite a night. I started drinking fairly immediately; maybe I’d loosen up and feel some chemistry. Earlier in the week when  he texted me “Are you excited for me to meet your friends?”, I realized I wasn’t at that moment. And that’s when the doubts really set in.  So here I am Saturday night, drinking.  A lot. We are having fun, but I feel no connection. No desire for touch or flirting. I ask again: what is my problem? He is a perfect gentleman. He wasn’t trying anything, yet he paid the whole bill. He kept saying how good I looked and how he liked me. I was starting to feel uneasy. I couldn’t return the compliments. I am concrete and very honest; I couldn’t just “be polite”.  Even when drunk.  We had fun, but I felt like i was having lots of drinks with a fun friend. Not a prospective boyfriend. We Ubered back to my place. Again, NOTHING happened and I fell asleep. The next morning……was an awkward disaster.

I woke up after 5 hours of sleep and he asked “Are you attracted to me?”. Whoa!!  I have to be brutally honest as I just had my eyes opened for like a minute. Okay , maybe ten. So I asked him if he really wanted me to answer that. He rolled over away from me and turned over a few minutes later  and said “Yes”.  So I was my barely awake,  but concretely and very honestly gave him my 8 AM response.  “ I don’t think so”. Okay so 98% honest. If I am being honest, I didn’t have to “think” about it; the answer was no. That morning was awkward and quiet. He challenged me and asked why I didn’t end things at the first date (like I probably should have) and I told him I wanted to give it a chance and see if there was chemistry.  I just told him it never happened for me. He had invited me for an expense paid trip over Valentine’s Day to the hot springs with my dogs. When I told him I thought we were taking it slowly and I can’t commit to that, I thought he would have caught on that. I should have ended it there as well. But for some reason, I thought I would give it one last in person date to see. I did. I drank. It is definitely over.

We ended up still going to breakfast that morning. He wants to be friends and still work out with me and make chili for me, etc….I wouldn’t mind being friends with him, but I think he’s going to be hurt when I start dating and find it inappropriate to do things with someone I used to date. I told him that. He didn’t quite understand. I dropped him off at his car at the bar (from last night). I told him to take a day to think about things, but I did not think it would be the best idea to work out Tuesday.  I think he needs time to see if he still wants to be friends.

And I trudge forward in the dating desert that is Colorado.

Stay tuned!!

 

Colorado: a dating desert 2.0

I am floored. I thought my text was firm, confident. I thought I left it with him on no uncertain terms, that I never wanted to talk to the guy again. You know, the dangerous guy with all kinds of red flags. Now he wants to meet at services today. As it is Shabbat. And talk. Talk? Talk! What is there to talk about? You are accused of terrible things and are standing trial in early 2020. What do I want with you?  After leaving what I thought was a distinct text to leave me alone, he waited a few weeks.

Last night I got a voice mail asking to meet him at Shabbat services and talk. He mentioned that I am amazing. Great! What does that mean coming from an accused man? I am so conflicted. The obvious choice  would be to absolutely ignore his requests. But I find it hard to blow off people, treating them like scum and not human beings.  Here in the United States, where people are innocent until proven guilty, where do I stand? Do I treat him as an innocent in the Dating Court and at least respond? Or for the sake of my safety, do I blow him off? I believe the term is “ghosting”?! If he is really found guilty, in real court in 2020, I will be so glad I stayed away. I think for my personal safety and peace of mind, I am going to treat him as guilty. Guilty of not explaining things through BEFORE I discovered all the news items about him. Guilty of making me feel uncomfortable asking totally normal questions about his kids, work, etc…

Okay, I think I know my answer. I just need to leave it alone. The curious blogging woman wants to know what he would say. The forgiving woman is wanting to see how he would say it. But no, I need to start my new path.

I’ll keep you posted. Any comments or suggestions? Please leave them for me? I could definitely use some input. My friends have been great, but its been a bit embarrassing. I am blogging about this experience because it’s important that people know there are some dangerous people out there on the dating apps. It all sounds so cliche, but I am here to tell you, its OUT THERE! Be careful!!

Music I am listening to: Searching for a Devil by In The Valley Below

Colorado: a dating desert

I don’t know how anyone meets an emotionally available, non-drug using, single man in Denver. I have loved this city for decades, but the men? Not so much…. Since men are not a reason to stay or leave a city, I have stayed and loved most of what Colorado has to offer: beautiful mountains, good career, awesome friends and more! Those are the reasons I stay, but honestly, is too much to ask to meet a normal guy? One that doesn’t just want a hook up or lies about their divorce status?  Colorado is essentially a dating desert devoid of truly eligible men. I have heard this from women younger than I am, so I know this is not just me.

I have gone through my non judgmental phase. Sure. I dated a homeless guy (though I didn’t realize it at the time, I confess!) and a guy on public assistance (not that there’s anything wrong with this except I wasn’t allowed at his house because his case manager said its against the rules…this was a drag). How do you avoid guys like this? I did not meet those guys on a dating app. That was before Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Tinder, etc..

Is it so much to ask that the guy have natural teeth, not be accused of killing his wife and/or be free of any deep seeded addiction issues? I am not going to tell you if all these are my personal experiences, but let’s just say, I have the details to back up my experiences.  Scary, I tell you. I thought one of these guys I was starting to date was a nice Jewish guy ( as I happen to be Jewish, this was an interesting detail as there are not loads of single Jewish men in Denver). The guy took me to the synagogue on our first date. On our second date, I went to his house to swim and brought my dogs; how nice it was he invited them. It was great. There could be opinions on going to his house so soon, I am aware!  There were a few off limits topics and I just brushed them off as “maybe he needs to open up later when he knows me more”, but  it was already a red flag in my book that he couldn’t talk about some basic things that you talk about at the beginning of any dating situation; I’ve not come across this shut down before.

It was late at night when some of the topics were shelved and I almost felt like leaving.  I even texted a friend who encouraged me to leave. But I stayed. I had breakfast with him that morning. I left right after breakfast where we talked about my job. He seemed fascinated (because the topic was not him, I imagine). The next day, I shared some details with another friend who did some  digging. Lo and behold- this guy had a past. One too dangerous for me. I have my limits, despite my unlucky dating past.  I just couldn’t be a part of this drama. I texted him as much and never heard from him again, which was the goal as I requested no further contact. Within a minute, he deleted my Bumble profile. I am not sure to this day if he deleted my profile before I texted him but does it matter?

So, I was shocked and floored over the news of this guy’s past (and present, for that matter). I am taking a month or so break from the dating agency I signed up with. They encouraged me to look at other avenues of dating.  I did, and this is where I am. Ugh! So frustrating… but I am going to use this month to just take care of me, my fitness, my diet and healthy lifestyle and my good friends.

If any of you have had a scary dating story or frustrating, drop me a comment. I would LOVE to know I am not alone!!
PS: There is a new guy I met, but I need to do some research first….

MUSIC to listen by: Everything But The Girl’s Walking Wounded