Colorado: a dating desert

I don’t know how anyone meets an emotionally available, non-drug using, single man in Denver. I have loved this city for decades, but the men? Not so much…. Since men are not a reason to stay or leave a city, I have stayed and loved most of what Colorado has to offer: beautiful mountains, good career, awesome friends and more! Those are the reasons I stay, but honestly, is too much to ask to meet a normal guy? One that doesn’t just want a hook up or lies about their divorce status?  Colorado is essentially a dating desert devoid of truly eligible men. I have heard this from women younger than I am, so I know this is not just me.

I have gone through my non judgmental phase. Sure. I dated a homeless guy (though I didn’t realize it at the time, I confess!) and a guy on public assistance (not that there’s anything wrong with this except I wasn’t allowed at his house because his case manager said its against the rules…this was a drag). How do you avoid guys like this? I did not meet those guys on a dating app. That was before Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Tinder, etc..

Is it so much to ask that the guy have natural teeth, not be accused of killing his wife and/or be free of any deep seeded addiction issues? I am not going to tell you if all these are my personal experiences, but let’s just say, I have the details to back up my experiences.  Scary, I tell you. I thought one of these guys I was starting to date was a nice Jewish guy ( as I happen to be Jewish, this was an interesting detail as there are not loads of single Jewish men in Denver). The guy took me to the synagogue on our first date. On our second date, I went to his house to swim and brought my dogs; how nice it was he invited them. It was great. There could be opinions on going to his house so soon, I am aware!  There were a few off limits topics and I just brushed them off as “maybe he needs to open up later when he knows me more”, but  it was already a red flag in my book that he couldn’t talk about some basic things that you talk about at the beginning of any dating situation; I’ve not come across this shut down before.

It was late at night when some of the topics were shelved and I almost felt like leaving.  I even texted a friend who encouraged me to leave. But I stayed. I had breakfast with him that morning. I left right after breakfast where we talked about my job. He seemed fascinated (because the topic was not him, I imagine). The next day, I shared some details with another friend who did some  digging. Lo and behold- this guy had a past. One too dangerous for me. I have my limits, despite my unlucky dating past.  I just couldn’t be a part of this drama. I texted him as much and never heard from him again, which was the goal as I requested no further contact. Within a minute, he deleted my Bumble profile. I am not sure to this day if he deleted my profile before I texted him but does it matter?

So, I was shocked and floored over the news of this guy’s past (and present, for that matter). I am taking a month or so break from the dating agency I signed up with. They encouraged me to look at other avenues of dating.  I did, and this is where I am. Ugh! So frustrating… but I am going to use this month to just take care of me, my fitness, my diet and healthy lifestyle and my good friends.

If any of you have had a scary dating story or frustrating, drop me a comment. I would LOVE to know I am not alone!!
PS: There is a new guy I met, but I need to do some research first….

MUSIC to listen by: Everything But The Girl’s Walking Wounded

Pilates vs. The Gym

So I am actively working on fitness as a daily practice; even walking the dog counts if it keeps me moving! I was going to work on pilates five times a week, but then I was informed of the end of my promotional period which was expensive enough.  I just could not afford the new $199 a month! So I went back to my gym that I loved last year. I started that membership last week and I am so glad I am back. Once I am done with my Pilates this Saturday, I will start the gym 3-5 days a week. I am going away for work next week, but when I get back it will be all cardio and weights with some of their free classes in there!!  At $79 a month, I can handle that commitment a little easier!

The gym is full service and I think I will continue to enjoy it as much as I enjoyed it before I switched (because of a guy…yes I know) to a gym I didn’t like so much.  Today I did both pilates and the gym and it felt great!!  I will make the most of pilates, but knowing I wont have to pay for it in October makes me feel so much happier!! I have three classes scheduled till the end of month.

PS: I have lost almost 15 pounds so far!  My goal is 40 for the end of this year, so 25 more to go!!

Just do it 2

I am really struggling. What is my problem!? I want to join the ranks of healthy and fit minded people. I want to balk at burgers, pizza, and nachos. What is making me instead, whole heartedly magnetized to these foods? Is it emotional eating? I don’t think so? But how do I know? I don’t feel especially more satisfied after eating crap food, so why do I still eat it?  I have done the committed diet lifestyle before. Twice!

I think sometimes I am just not ready. Then I think, “that’s not true!”… I want to change, lose weight, lose the desire for poor choices.  Right now I just finished a low calorie snack that is part of a lifestyle change…and an unsweetened iced tea (no calories) and feel great. Every time I make good choices, I feel great. This is a no brainer, right? Right. Now I just have to shift my choices.  Protein and veggies (French fries don’t count) for me!  Once I lose the weight, all the abdominal and strength training work I am doing with my personal trainer will show through, given that I am still working out.

On a positive note, I am getting exercise in mostly every week. A nice walk, dancing at the club (don’t laugh-I burned about 500 calories Friday night!), walking around huge convention centers (another 350 calories)…. I also am wrapping up my personal training this month. I am starting Pilates and super excited about that. I will be committing to that three times a week.  For the weeks that personal training and Pilates over lap, I will be doing them both on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Yay me! I am looking forward to making a difference with my new Pilates body, but I said that with personal training. That’s where nutrition and good food choices come in.

Here I go!

If any one has ideas on how to get motivated, I will certainly invite them. Intellectually I know this comes from within, but inspiration is always invited!!

 

 

A light relationship equals light effort, I guess?

I’m not used to these light, easy going things. I guess I am  always headed toward these intense serious things, that I don’t know what to expect with a light relationship.  Perhaps the expectations are minimal.

I am not sure what to make of it all and I am pretty sure I can’t do it. But damn, I am going to try since i want a light summer with not too much seriousness. Does this mean, however, that there is no respect for my time? Does this mean not putting much effort into making plans?  Generally, does a light relationship equate to minimal consideration to the other person? I am thinking yes to all of the above. This has been my recent experience. So I am learning. I started making my own plans and if he is not available, then I guess I won’t be seeing him. He’s doing this, so I will as well, at his request even.

So this holiday week, I had options; i thought he had a potential of July 4th free, so in the back of my head, I still kept that open and made plans for the other days this week. My error. Apparently,  he had plans that he ‘had to confirm’ so he didn’t bother to mention.  Apparently, he was available the other days, but he didn’t tell me and felt we shouldn’t plan them (just in case he got a better offer, who knows?). Well, too bad. I am now getting educated in the “little effort relationship”.  I live my own life and see if we fit into them. No advance plans, really. No open communication.

Turns out, i won’t be seeing him this week since he confirmed his July 4th plans with his ‘friends’; he claims he’ll try to ‘move something around’, but what’s the point really? He’s going away for a month  the day after my birthday next week and I am not waiting for that. I am moving on. i mean this is a light relationship. It requires little effort.. Next.

Just do it.

I have been in such a stagnant mess about my nutrition. I don’t know what it is, but I am half-assed about my diet plan and eating lifestyle. I think I want to eat well; I even try on many occasions by grabbing one of my fueling on this lifestyle plan I am on.  But it is NOT working. I end up going out and being half-assed: eating a big cheeseburger with out the bun and salad on the side instead of fries. Healthy-ish at best. It would be best to get a salad with grilled protein.  Taco salads are not real salads either when you consider the sour cream and cheese. Or Chipotle for the same reason, even when I go with out the tortilla and with black beans and brown rice. First of all, I need to lose the rice. And the cheese and sour cream. What am I talking about? I need to just not walk into Chipotle. Nothing personal Chipotle, but you are not healthy eating for me.  I am doing okay on the fitness part of weight loss, but the nutrition is so difficult right now for me. Weight loss is mostly about nutrition. Once I lose this weight, my awesome core from my good fitness practice will show through!

I need to just stick with proteins and veggies. That’s really it. I lost 32 pounds this way. I am going to use the rest of my fuelings from this diet/lifestyle plan I started again (I had lost some weight temporarily with the plan in the beginning of 2018 or end of 2017 I think). Then I will go 100% to proteins and veggies. .I think my biggest thing is I need to jump in 100% and just do it. I can’t overthink all the reasons why I am not choosing to jump in 100%. I just need to DO IT!. What is my problem? I can’t even think about it. Just do it.  What is stopping me? Not important.  Just do it.

Get the idea?

A new hopeful

Back into the dating scene and completely exhausted. I’ve met a few guys so far. The first two were not viable options; the second of the two was downright obnoxious. He reminded me too much of the live in. This third one is definitely viable, though our relationship is as developed as a zygote.

I think I want to keep it as light as possible this time around compared with my last disaster! For one, the guy is laid back and there’s no pressure. That helps. I won’t lie. There are some other factors that play into the whole situation which makes this guy so appealing. He is 1 hour form me which means he won’t be over all the time. I enjoy his company very much; don’t get me wrong, but I want the summer to enjoy my friends and going out as well. He has his shit together and loves where he lives, so he won’t want to move in anytime soon……or ever. Bonus!  He also goes away for travel quite a bit, business and pleasure.  Sometimes on the weekend. This gives me time to get stuff done. With all this being said there are a few drawbacks to the whole situation.

There are times that I would have liked to see him, just to spend time getting to know each other in this initial phase. With the time differences in travel, its been awkward. I mean we got off to a good start then with time away and an inability to keep the spark when the spark needs to stay lit is a bit frustrating. I am thinking I can get over this soon,  He’ll be home this week and we may see each other for dinner toward the end of the week and spending some much needed quality time on Saturday.  I like that the relationship is light for now. I don’t know what he thinks of it; he’s so laid back, I imagine he thinks it is a pretty casual  situation. I think this is dating sans the intense togetherness. We have decided to be monogamous after sleeping together (after the FOURTH date),  I think. Maybe I need more clarification on the details, but that does not mean serious per se. More like safe. I think I will find out more this weekend. But for the first time in a very long time, I am NOT in a rush. It feels good. I think this is going to shape up to be a very fun summer!

Another thing: He knows I blog, but  he does not ask me about it. Ever. Never. I am not sure if this means he doesn’t care or if he lets me be with the privacy to write what I want, uncensored.

Heavy baggage

So, on Sex and the City, Carrie started dating Berger, another author, soon realizing the Ex-Files would have to be opened. Ugh. Like Carrie, I so wish we could start a new relationship with a brand new slate. No background noise, no messy past.  Is it really necessary to go there? Really?  What good can happen from the discovery phase of old failed relationships?

Okay, I will give it a try. I will try to be open to the fact that heavy awkward baggage can be okay, if we communicate about it. I can’t see how we can dance around with baggage filled with unintended resentment and triggers and expect our partner to read our minds when we become ultra sensitive in a situation. I think we kind of have to discuss  the weirdness. And thus, unpack our messy baggage.   And here we go: alcoholics,  workaholics, fathers, mothers, and mentally unstable people come tumbling out waiting to shock, dismay and discourage us from exploring the further  depths that  our great new relationship can go, Sometimes I feel like our skeletons are scarier locked in those bulky  bags.

Since the beginning of our budding relationship, my boyfriend and I have brought the contents of our baggage to the forefront, into the light  We have to bring it up really, because our lives have become what they are because of our past. We can’t put our heads in the sand and pretend our past relationships never existed; they are part of who we are, for better or for worse.  I think the passage of our past relationships have made us better, stronger people, but they have also created triggers.  In order to understand why we react the way we do to certain situations,  we need to share our stories of the alcoholic, the workaholic, the mentally unstable partners of the past.  I guess we could start fresh and not talk about them and pretend that we don’t have any triggers or buttons that can be pressed. At my age, I think that’s a little unrealistic .  When my guy and I talk, it helps me diminish the power of past loves,  because its only in the dark where they seem to unleash their venom, if we were to keep their power (to upset us) secret.  We won’t let the past relationships ruin us when they are out in the open.

So, as much as I hate bringing up some of my past, I think it just may be the way to go in an open and honest relationship that is geared for a great and prosperous future, rich in love.

What I am listening to now: Hymnal by In The Valley Below