Gaining …and not in a good way

I have put myself in a carb rut. I’m giving in to my cravings of carbs. I am kind of over the sugar rut. I can take it or leave it when it comes to candy. The stronger pull for me is pizza, bread, pasta, rice, and all that “stuff” that makes the carb pile fill up. I have been so successful on veggies and protein and I am getting back to that starting with my next meal. “ Do or not do; there is no try”, said Yoda.  He was a smart dude! I used that to stop smoking. I actually did, every day. So being a strong addiction, nicotine took a hike. I can do the same for the bad carbs. The funny thing though, is that food is necessary for life. Nicotine is not. Therefore, I find it so much easier to justify. I need to stop justifying and just stop with these bad carbs.  I bet that i will start to drop the weight as soon as carbs exit my routine diet. Let’s find out. I’ll keep you all posted.

I am working out. Kind of. This week, I was sick and out of town and the combination made it hard to get my work out in; I did see my trainer on Friday. I am doing a class on Tuesday at the gym and the commitment feels good. I need to be accountable. I have a trainer session on Friday, so that just leaves one more day to work out on my own, which will be Saturday.  And no, I didn’t forget about yoga…Just time to fit it all in!!

More to come….

Getting honest…

Sooo, I have turned a corner in my life. I am ready to blog about my former marriage and divorce and  its hard. Oh so hard to even think about.  I have procrastinated too long; and by too long, I simply mean since October. This is going to unfold slowly.  I want to share the experience of my marriage and divorce and what happened to land me back in the world of dating and single life.

Bear with me. I will work on posting about this relationship, not only the marriage and divorce and life post-divorce, but also the courtship in the beginning.  I will  still post about fitness, current relationships, etc in between. When you’re reading my posts, I invite you to comment or email me about what I have written. I won’t fall apart or get upset.. I got divorced in 2011; things are much better for me now.. I just want to be as raw and honest and in the moment as I possibly can to express the palpable fear and stress I lived with almost daily.  There was no physical abuse. The fear comes from emotional mistreatment and my ex-husband’s anger issues.  And I will be explicit in my story of getting through it all. And how that happened. I’ll give you a hint: family and friends. But I am getting way ahead of myself.  These posts will reveal personal information about those other than me, but I will be keeping their identity completely anonymous as I have on this blog thus far. My hope is that my story will not only help people realize they are not alone, but the telling of my experience will be liberating as well.

Also, please please please: If you have any advice on how to get this on a blog or how I should proceed, by all means, drop me a line  by email or comment below.

On that note, I will let all my readers know that I am going back east to visit family this weekend and won’t return till Wednesday; I haven’t decided if i am bringing my iPad, so you may hear from me.

Have a fantastic week and I will definitely be back next week!!

TRX, treadmills and yoga, oh my!

So, I’m finally getting in the rhythm of a good work out schedule. My trainer gave me a great app that holds me accountable. Or tries to at least! I am trying to work out three to four times a week. Three times a week is much more doable because of my 10 hour shifts at work. I work 4 days, so at least I can carve out time on my days off and maybe get to yoga in the morning of a noon start time at work.

I have a strength endurance day, hypertrophy day, and a stability day…then yoga. I think this week I will be able to get in two days of work out and yoga in between. I am going away Friday morning for a work conference and won’t get my  normal Friday and Saturday work outs. With each of these works outs, I have a metabolic conditioning cardio walk on the treadmill.  As for the different types of exercise, I am still getting used to the routines and sometimes feel self-conscious completing the exercises at the gym, but feel so good when I am done. I just did tomorrow’s regimen last Friday with my trainer, so I think I feel comfortable with that.  The machines come this Thursday for me and that’s my hypertrophy day. I am not quite comfortable with the machines; I think I may be intimidated on them because of all the people working on them that seem to know exactly what they are doing. I guess practice makes perfection.  Progress, not perfection….

Then I get yoga  this Wednesday! Yay! Yoga at my gym is available for free every day. There are different types of yoga and I am really enjoying Surrender and Root yoga. I am not yet ready for Flow. Flow moves very fast and I am not quite comfy with the different poses and by the time I get the poses nailed, they are moving quickly to the next pose I don’t know very well. With Surrender and Root, I get to hold the poses for a while. I get to be very acquainted with each movement and each breath.  It really works my core, my focus, my breathing. I love it. It can be really challenging – yoga almost always pushes me past my comfort  level each and every time.

Overall, things are going mostly well at the gym, as you can see. What is lacking in my health journey is my nutrition. I was doing well and then I just got lazy; there is not another good explanation that wouldn’t just sound like the excuse that it s.  SO yes, lazy. I want to return to a healthy living style and leave out the carbs and the sugar. Those are my biggest offensive areas of my diet that screw me over every time; Since the spring, I have gained back 18 pounds. I would like to lose them again. You see, I know exactly what I have to do here. It is not rocket science. Veggies and protein have always worked for me with minimal fats and carbs (not totally absent).  I need to just cut out sugar and be done with it. No more candy corns, no more gummy bears.

I have a resting metabolic assessment on November 3rd and I’d really like to get some good eating habits in before then that will show up on the assessment. Wish me luck!!

Any comments, advice or ideas? Drop me a line or leave a comment!!

When the skies aren’t so blue…

So, it’s been a while since my last post. Everything has been blue skies and no clouds for a while….this too shall past. Time for a storm to come in. Everything was going so smoothly. Then I started feeling conflict. I felt the first twinges about a week or two ago, during some political discussions. We had a little misunderstanding about politics and out values/opinions. During a period of time that I have been really evaluating my values and core beliefs, this was a critical issue. I think, if I remember right, this came about last week, still in the midst of the  decision regarding Kavanaugh’s fate. And THAT hearing was particularly sensitive for me. Then I found out the guy  was more or less aligned with my values. He makes no political Facebook posts, denouncing one party or another, which is something I respect also. But enough about politics. There was something else.

We live 1-2 hours apart (depending on when you’re traveling and in which direction).  And when we live in our respective towns, we have completely contrasting lifestyles. He took me on a small walk along the river. It was absolutely beautiful; there is no denying that. He took his fishing rod and we started out.  When he swung his rod ,the bait got stuck in my hair. I thought it was an overly aggressive massive bug and  I started messing with my hair; it was stuck. It was a bug, but not a real one….just the bait of a fly fisherman, the guy!  I could definitely laugh about it then, but it gave me pause. Could this life or anything like it be remotely interesting to me? Then we went near the river and I didnt want to go too close with my sneakers…and he suggested next time I get some river shoes. Excuse me? River shoes? Have we met? I am NOT a river shoes kinda gal. No Teva’s for me, or any thing like that!! Not I! I am more of a Tiffany & CO kinda woman.  Now I am all for hikes and dry mountainous adventures. Just no bugs or brush please!  It was then that I realized I do not fit in here. I totally respect that this life style is perfect for him. It’s just not for me.  I may be messing up the time line regarding the river shoes incident and the political/values misunderstanding, but everything started causing me self-doubt about this relationship. I mean, where can this really go?

So, I started to shut down, really not wanting anything with this. I started to come up with the realization that this relationship is completely NOT viable. How can I waste time traveling to and fro a place where I don’t fit in and I am not sure I even want to? I am 49 years old. I can’t just spend time in a relationship that has no future; he has a 3-5 year plan in his town, career wise; and plus, he loves it there. I totally and utterly respect that. I just have no desire to live there, if it should ever come to that. And he really has no plans to leave and come my way. We are at a stalemate-there is no future.

Then I basically ended it on this premise of no future and said we should just be friends and  still go back East in November together and a trip we booked for December as friends. This was a very hard conversation, one of the hardest I have had since my divorce.  I thought I would be relieved and have a load off my mind. Then this budding relationship with no future would be behind me; on to the next, per usual routine.

Damn, was I wrong. So wrong. This was the most painful thing ever and all I could do was cry every day and I was sad. Like really crushed. And I was doing the crushing, flipping the script on this guy when I had previously been so into the relationship. How in the world could this be happening? I talked to friends and a therapist. After crying and  feeling horrible and a LOT of self-reflection, I realized a few key things.

I am scared. I have never had a relationship go so right from the get go. Go right and hold off on physical intimacy and be successful.  While I am not sabotaging this because I feel I don’t deserve this and ending it because I am not worthy ( I know I am), this relationship flow is completely out of my comfort zone. Out of bounds. Not in the ball park of any relationship in the last 25 years. Even and especially my former marriage. So  maybe I didn’t realize I was so much in fear of something like this happening. I like being in control of a situation and I definitely am not experienced with a non-physical successful relationship. So I shut down. Ruling out any and all the possibilities based on distance and life style,  convincing myself I was just being true to myself. Which maybe I am/was, but how can things be right with this if I am crying and hysterically sad daily.  I loved when we talked the first thing in the morning and last thing at night. When I could tell him everything and he actually is interested and engaged in my day.

So we talked. A lot. We will see if this can be worked through. I have hope. I like him an awful lot; and I kinda think he likes me also.

 

I’m listening to : Stars all seem to weep by Beth Orton

Getting off track!

So I have been good with working out. Honest! Then I went out of town toward end of August and then right after Labor Day. Made it pretty easy to get off course. I am not happy about that. The good thing is that I exercised a lot during both vacations! I did plenty of water aerobics in California (I can’t believe I did water aerobics!) and a plethora of walking around Nashville! I loved both vacations, but it is time to get with the program!

My new schedule is Sunday, Wednesday & Friday. Sunday I closed my exercise ring on my exercise app on my phone. If you work out and own an iPhone, you probably know what I am talking about. Almost every other day in Nashville I came very close to closing that red ring and I am pleased (considering I didn’t get my normal workout in). One of those days will be a recovery day for yoga.  The other days will be strength/resistance/weight with Metabolic Conditioning in my Cardio work out. It will be good to get back to my normal routine. And I am a creature of habit….so routine is good!

 

Let’s start this work out tomorrow!! Time for toning, weight loss and heart pumping…and most of all, feeling great!!

 

A challenge: I can do it!

My health club is running a 60 day challenge. I joined the club because I wanted to push myself, so it seems obvious that this is the thing to do! I am not sure what exactly is involved, but they seem to be doing free classes to help support growth and learning during this challenge.  I am excited to commit myself to more. I need as much accountability as I can handle. Lots of people can do this work out business on their own. Hats off!! I can’t. I love it when I get there, but I need to stay committed. That mostly happens by being ultra accountable in some way to some one or something (a challenge) other than myself. I admit it! I figure that as long as I am doing the work, does it really matter how I get there?

Tomorrow, I go for my weigh in and registration. There are classes offered weekly specifically for the participants of the challenge and I am going to go every Saturday before or after my work out. I will find out more tomorrow. I think I will learn a lot through this process. My goal is to eat better and work out most efficiently. The results will be there if I focus on the journey I think. I am going to try NOT to obsess about the weight and speed at which I lose weight and progress with my work out. It is hard, because I know I want to do the best I can. Without driving myself crazy.

There is a winner (out of all the clubs in the country) and I am thinking that individual is eligible due to the most progress made.  My trainer mentioned partly it ties into the individual’s personal story. I don’t have anything particularly earth shattering about my story-it’s pretty average.   The contest portion of the challenge certainly gets me going though;  I can’t wait to see what it’s all about. Since my trainer is sick today, the substitute happens to be the trainer that will be registering me tomorrow,. I will meet her today at 1:00pm!  I hope she works me hard today.  I need all the help I can get.

Any words of advice on staying motivated and committed?

Drop a comment or contact me on my contact page.

Have a great weekend readers!!

 

 

Back in the fitness game!

I’ve been working on my health plan for weight loss and realized nutrition is a huge part of it, more than I’d like to admit. But eating healthy feels better; Not going to lie: It’s not as much fun sometimes. Saying no to brownies and mostly salty food, like nachos and wings.  Smaller numbers on the  scale makes it all worth it. I am getting ready to leave the plan that I have been on and go in a different direction. We will see what happens. I failed at the transition plan miserably the first time and gained ten pounds, thinking one brownie or one order of wings wouldn’t matter. They do matter. A lot. I need to be on my game.  I felt that to be more on top of things, I would add fitness to the recipe for success.

So after last year of trying a personal trainer, I thought I would try a different approach. A different gym. And wow, is it different! I’d be more likely to call this a health club, not just a gym.  The philosophy is different and the fitness coaches/trainers appear to be more educated, or at least mine is. My old trainer was good, don’t get me wrong. This trainer just has a lot more information and education for me. There is so much to know about working out to maximize my metabolism. I went through some metabolic assessments and learned a lot about how my body specifically responds to oxygen demands and how it burns fats v. carbs compared with  typical and optimal burn patterns. No doubt, I have put some money into this. It makes me accountable and sometimes I need that, if i am being totally honest. I just can’t always do it without a little kick in the ass.  A firm kick in the ass was definitely in order when my trainer asked me how often I plan to work out. Accountability, hello!  “Three times a week is something I can commit to” rolled somewhat easily off my tongue. Wow, okay Alyssa.  I guess I am working out three times  a week. At least I can pick my own days. So we created a program for me which I think will really set me up for success. This is one step further than I took at the other gym; today,  I am making a commitment for Tuesday, Friday and Saturday each week. I never committed to specific days last year,  just a vague promise of “I”ll be here”. Tuesday will be my recovery day and I will take yoga. It will definitely get my breathing and heart rate in gear, but it won’t  be as intense as the metabolic conditioning/strength training that I will be doing the other days.  I have a feeling, however, that yoga will be hard work for me. At least in the beginning. It’s been years since I worked on my yoga practice at an actual yoga studio. I have signed up for my first class for this Tuesday evening. It’s great, because they have yoga classes in the morning and evening, so whatever my shift I can get in yoga as their morning class starts at 5:30AM!!

I’m excited to really show my commitment to my trainer and most of all, myself.  But I am actually slightly scared. I am in fear of failing. In fear of succeeding. No, not that…definitely a fear of failing. I’ve failed in sticking with a fitness regimen post -training (and all the money that went with that). I want to succeed, both in fitness health (efficiency in oxygen demands and cardiovascular health) as well as in weight loss. Which I guess is another branch of fitness health. Whatever it may be, I want it all.

I’m hoping I can pull off all of it, the healthy eating transition and the fitness plan.  I have been definitely giving this all some attention in past posts. Next to blogging, it’s what I want to improve upon the most in my life. That’s basically it, writing and my health are my primary priorities. Sure, I write about relationships, and while that is a goal, maybe I should just focus on the things I am in more control of. Like writing and self-care /self-improvement. I think that will in turn make me relationship ready.

IF you have any tips for the balancing act of healthy eating and healthy fitness, drop me a comment or contact me on my contact page!! Thank you in advance.

Music I’m listening to: a playlist called Sexy. It’s got some really good songs and its great for working out!