Feats and frustrations

I want it now. I’m working hard to accomplish my goals. So where’s the pay off? I mean, I’ve been at it for a solid week and a half and NOTHING to show for it. I have to say the frustration of not having the pay off by now has me infinitely irritated. I’m kinda pissed. Like really pissed that my hard-working isn’t leaving anything behind. Like globs of fat. And laziness. And crap food.  Now I know in order to get the body I want (the flattest stomach ever and no visible cellulite), I simply can’t expect it now. It’s going to take time and effort. Definitely more than 1.5 weeks of working my body hard, but slightly less focused on my daily nutritional  intake. That part sucks. I have been improving, but then I ordered Italian food for delivery tonight. How am I supposed to get it now, when all I am ordering now is baked ziti and garlic knots?   It’s going to take a dietary overhaul and this kick ass work out at the gym. Its going   to take both in big doses. Wanting it all now is going to have to wait for later.

In the midst of my frustrations and hard work, there are the (not so) small accomplishments. The little feats that make up my personal best to date in my recent experience. They make it ALL worth it.  I honestly had no earthly idea that I could row or really do  anything remotely athletic. Sure, it’s a rowing machine.  Sure, it’s a contrived experience in a gym. But, I am rowing! I am doing these 2 minute cardio bursts and going to out-distance  myself each time. The first few times, I rowed 250 meters in 2 minutes. Yesterday, I beat my personal best with my trainer and rowed about 410 meters in 2 minutes. I guess this is meaningless unless you’ve rowed (in real life or the gym). And I am guessing my personal best only applies to the gym version of rowing.  I don’t care. And this is why. Its my personal best on this machine. It is the most athletic thing I have ever done in my life.If you went to school with  me, you knew I was far from sports-minded. You chose me last for kickball and that’s okay today. Because tomorrow I am headed for the gym to beat my personal best.  And that’s all that matters.

Healing power

via Daily Prompt: Heal

So I remember a long time ago, back when I had my other blog, I wrote about the healing process because it is something any honest person can relate to. I say honest because it really takes someone who can be true to themselves, and less importantly to others, to admit she (or he) is healing from something, that there was something broken to begin with. That’s ego. If the ego can make way for healing, then we have half a chance, don’t we.

Physical illness is a process, but a sympathetic process. People can get behind that. There are those who have the disease of addiction and healing from that. Who’s supporting them, encouraging the healing and sobering process (although it is ultimately up to the addict).  People seem  slightly little less  sympathetic. “Oh you’re clean and sober? That’s great”… Healing from  years of the disease of addiction is not easy. I am not an addict, but I know those who have died from the disease. I even heard someone say of those having difficulty of the healing process: “if they die from overdosing its just natural selection” . It was a bit shocking to hear this. I guess I am naive to think that the general public could have sympathy for  those with addiction. From my experience with people close to me, it is probably one of the hardest diseases to recover from  and heal successfully from the ravages of addiction. I was slightly more shocked at the statement about natural selection as my stepbrother died from an overdose and the person who said this may or may not have known this. It really doesn’t matter whether he knew it or not.

Everyone is trying to heal from something. You never know who is working on some path to recovery, Whether someone is healing from a physical injury, a broken heart,  or depression, it really doesn’t matter does it?

Have some compassion people and let us heal ourselves in the best way we can. We are not infallible; we are mere mortals.

 

Music pairing: Hold on by Sarah McLachlan

Enthusiasm & Amnesia

So I  mentioned my new work out plan: a gym and a personal trainer. I am ecstatic and I remain thrilled…six days in! I am so ready to do what ever my PT wants me to do on the mat, on a nautilus machine, or even, and especially,  the rower machine! Enthusiasm at its finest! I am so careful to avoid the use of “can’t”, instead carefully substituting it for the word challenging or “I’ll try that”. Often this word choice has taken a conscious effor. I am exercising my mind as well las my body. I am honest and tell him  everything I want to get from my work out and will work hard for: weight loss, body strength, all over tone, and yeah, of course: a flat stomach. My dream. I am on a mission and I have been focused and determined everytime  he adds another exercise to my work out plan.

At the end of my first three sessions, my  PT hands me the work sheet and says that my homework is now laid out for me. I can text him if I need to. The last thing I am going to do is be “THAT client, the one that’s bothering him all the time.  Today, I came home from work and walked my dog after changing into my exercise attire.  Totally psyched! All ready, get set go…..I get to the gym and do a little 5 minute cardio warm up on the bike. Then I stretch. So far so good. Then I read the Workout Plan aka my prescription for fitness. I am afflicted utterly  and completely. With work out amnesia………I lost any memory of what my PT had carefully outlined for me. I felt like a world-class idiot. Just days, correction, the day  before, I was following close instruction and could have sworn I was paying attention to all the moves. I drew a blank. So what do I do? I wing it. I stretch, I do the best memory of a few different exercises and did the reps for those. I hopped on my new favorite machine: the Rower. I rowed almost 350 meters in 2 minutes and called it a day.

Enthusiasm and amnesia and confessions. Confessions to my PT Saturday. When I tell him about my meager  amnesia in the face of  my genuine enthusiasm.

 

 

How soon is later?

via Daily Prompt: Later

So you can tell I am a HUGE Smiths fan. For  all of you that got the reference in the first place.   I digress from the word prompt today….when I think about later, I think the most obvious of course, the moment in time that I will do those dreaded things on my to do list. Right now, there’s a small number of items on the list.

I will:

  • change the lightbulbs in my lamps that are not critical
  • organize and spring clean my clothes wardrobe
  • read all my French magazines and the health magazines I meant to be inspired by
  • finally try mushrooms
  • go to Costco and downgrade that membership I never use
  • make the same mistake twice

Later

 

Obvious music pairing: The Smith’s song that inspired me!

 

 

Weighing in

So if you recall, last month, I posted about actually exercising when I say I will and the whole nine. Since then, I have been actually walking. Mind you, not to the extent I used to. No 5-7 miles daily for me (although I would love to). Slowly, but surel , I am getting there. The catalyst (publishing a post and saying it out loud, so to speak) to actually walking more than a quick ’round the block’ with my dog was strongly reinforced last weekend. It was amazing!

Last weekend I spent much needed time with family in California.  I told my aunt I wanted to really walk ….and eat well. Did she fulfill my request? Hell, yeah! I had some amazing walks and got to catch up and talk. It was fantastic. We walked all over her neighborhood, CoD, and Sunnylands, not to mention some other great places. I kept my Apple watch on all day,  accumulating extra  miles through out the day. I was racking up 4-7 miles a day. Fantastic, I thought. This is the way to go! I was absolutely excited to be back in the game. I could go on and on about how amazing the weekend was with my aunt and uncle, but  I mustn’t digress.  This is about exercise….so I left California kicking and screaming. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it there!!

So here I am on a Sunday, back home. About a week and what have I done since California? I definitely have not done 4-7 mile days. However, I have been able to get daily 1-4 mile walks in. Sometimes slow walks with my puggle Max. Sometimes at a faster clip. I wish I could say I have already gotten  back to my power walks with 14 minute miles. Damn! That’s the most frustrating part. I can’t seem to walk faster than a 15 or 16 minute mile. Maddening! Perhaps I need to mix my exercise with better food from the diet I achieved so much success from last year.

I realize what I remember to be true. I am going to really have to curb my eating habits as well as really amp up my power walks. They can’t be leisurely strolls. I need to kick ass. Kiss ass and just STOP with the cookies and anything that may tempt me at the office.

Little by little, I will chip away and be ready for my spring dresses. This post makes me want to go out and buy salad ingredients! Yay me!!

What do you guys do daily to watch what you put in your body and get that daily calorie burn?? I would love some  hints. I did well last year, but could refresh with some new ideas!! Please comment and I’ll read each one!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!

Those Jeans!

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So I am wearing the blue jeans again today.  The ones from my earlier post: Blue Jeans. I needed to get inspired and I was hoping thy would do the trick. I was almost out of inspiration and felt there was nothing to write about. Then I remembered: What was I doing when I got these jeans? I was leaving a not so great situation about 6.5 years ago. And that, my dear readers, is an understatement. What does that have to do with now?

I was on my Facebook feed this week. I was reading my friends’ posts and comments and updating myself on the day’s events as I do most evenings. Now what happened next shouldn’t come as a total surprise to me. After all, I had one last remaining mutual friend on Facebook with my ex-husband. The thing is, my ex had not been on Facebook in any way visible to me via this friend since about 2010. All of a sudden, his profile showed up with a comment on said friend’s post/feed. I was definitely surprised. And feeling immediately nauseated and felt my Facebook was invaded without my permission. And yes, I am well aware its a public space. I wasn’t thinking clearly, only emotionally…. Why did I feel so shocked and surprised, after all these two were good friends?  Maybe because he looked different. Maybe he looked happy. Hard to tell.  Perhaps I resented that he is so happy after putting me through so  much financial hardship and hell back then and now. Fortunately, I have refused to let him take my happiness, at least in the last 4-5 years.  But for all my efforts to overcome that whole incident that I will call a marriage, I was hoping he wouldn’t be looking so smug or happy. SO hard to tell with him.

And that’s why I am wearing the jeans today. To celebrate strength, the strength I have had all along to get through unexpected events that throat me for a loop. I didn’t get totally unravelled, but it was definitely disconnecting.  But now I know, he’s nearby with the death of distance that social media brings us closer to. Its okay. I know there is no way he would contact me.

I am okay. And I say that every  day. Because it is so true.

Have a fantastic end of your weekend. I’m glad I kept these jeans!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I say I exercise, I want to mean it

I started an incredible diet last year. Right around this time as a matter of fact. I lost 30 pounds. I was serious. For many months. Around the holidays, I denied that I was being sucked in by the whole food thing. I can’t deny it anymore. I hate that I have gained some of the weight back. The good thing is how quickly my body made me aware of it. I got headaches when I splurged on my Valentine’s conversation hearts (you know the ones that taste like chalk? Yeah, I am pretty much addicted to them). I felt like crap after the recent doses of fast food. Thank you body for doing me right. For giving me a signal. The cool thing is I did so much good last year, that I only lost two months really, December and January. Interesting how fast weight can come back and bite you in the ass. I think I have gained at least 10 pounds and I will lose it. Back to the 5 mile walks and the grilled chicken. At least my dinners are still healthy. I make the time to ensure my dinners are not crap. It’s the day at work sitting at a cubicle that gets to me. I need to get back to my carrots and mustard dip and cucumbers. Back to early morning protein shakes. Bye bye Moe’s bagels. You were so yummy, but oh so naughty with your carbs and more carbs. Hasta la vista bagel!

So today, I rededicate my exercise initiative. There is no time like the present. I am not needing to start at square one again, but I just need to get back on the lake path at my complex.  I will be reasonable. I will not expect 14 minute mile walks. I will be happy with 15-16 minute miles. For a week. Then I will step it up.

As far as food and diet, I have been faithful to my nutritional needs and diet in the evenings, but its the day at work I am struggling with at the moment. Along with the bagels, the Doritos and the conversation hearts, the diet soda must go as well.

Ready.Set.Go!

See you on the track!