Why so long???

I ask myself this….. why haven’t I posted in so long? I could say that I have been busy, but everyone is busy….excuses, excuses… Is it because I am afraid of getting stalked a little and my voice is self-censored because I don’t want to deal with that? Maybe. Is it because I don’t have anything to say right now? I don’t think so, I am always thinking of things to blog about at the most inopportune time.

I changed gyms and getting regular with a gym that I love; the problem has been food. Food gets in the way and we know you can’t outrun a bad diet. Not that I run….of course not, but you know what I mean. Over all, I have been better, but as I type, I am sipping on a calorie free iced tea paired with a polycaloric croissant. Why do I do this to myself? I have eaten slightly less sugary crap. Though, when that Cinnabon store opens at the mall, I will be in trouble.

What I need to do is carve out time for meal prep like I used to do. I prepared the week by making chicken on one day and a big salad and eating that during the week, This is what I need to be doing. I will blog more. And more often. That is my promise to you!

Till then….

Committed to fitness…

So I am currently working out at an inexpensive gym. I just finished work with a personal trainer and I have a good routine. My dream is to get to a more full service gym that is a lot nicer and has a leisure pool for summer enjoyment. In order to justify such an expense, I need to make sure it is going to pay off. My experiment is this: If I can work out at the gym at least 3 times a week regularly for at least 4 weeks, I will join the bougie gym. It’s actually closer to me and they may have classes that I will actually enjoy.

Fitness has been a struggle for me and it’s closely tied with my dietary lifestyle. I need to want these things more than French fries and pizza. You know what I mean? I enjoy the feeling of going to the gym AFTER I am done; it is the ‘getting there’ that is the biggest challenge for me. I think the motivation of weight loss and feeling awesome is getting stronger and as soon as it surpasses the motivation for eating a really tasty order of nachos, I’ll have a good handle on it. The really cool thing is exercise regularly makes me NOT want to eat that crappy food. This is super cool. Because I need something to get me going when the struggle is so real.

Maybe I need a vision board for this? What would help me get past the shit food and oh, alcohol!? I don’t drink a ton, but when I do, the alcohol is completely a waste of calories. I am thinking of going off alcohol for a month and seeing how that works, calorie wise. I will admit when I drank too much last weekend, it rendered me useless the next day; I didn’t even feel like I could work out. Booze just isn’t helping the cause either. I was mad at myself for letting vodka and cranberry cocktails ruin my Saturday. No more!

I must sign off now as I am headed out for a hike! Here’s to fitness and a healthy lifestyle…. If anyone has good ideas on how to motivate for healthy weight loss or hints on how to fit this in, leave a comment! Please!

I’m still writing…with thicker skin….

It has been quite a few months since my last post, six of so to be exact. I know I let something from last year hinder my progression on my site; while it’s not important what the reason was, it is critical that I move on. I need to move on in this world and remember the writing is still important. I keep hearing that I should write for myself, not for anyone else. If I write for someone else’s satisfaction, I may not get to my truth. If I don’t get to my truth, then what’s the point of writing or reading this, even?

I had a person who was very upset about what I had written a few years ago. He came on the scene over time in my messages and then made this very big hissy fit in late December of 2021. Even though no one knew who he was or where he came from. Even though no one could pick him from a line up-absolutely no identifying information was expressed in my post. I regretfully took down that post to meet his childish ego’s needs and wish I had just kept it. It was well written and funny. It was called “The Jesus Complex”. I took it down just to shut him up; I had drama when he was in my life and now that he has not been in my life for almost 2 decades, I just wanted to be done with it. I can write again, I thought. I can flow creatively at the drop of a hat, I thought. He won’t affect my ability to go forth and blog publicly, I thought….

Well, it turns out that it has been harder than I thought. I know I won’t be writing stories that involve that fool again, but I have not been able to freely write with out wondering if I will get any hate mail. I need to grow thicker skin and not worry about such criticism. People are going to be critical and judge mental. They are going to poke fun. I need to keep going and write my truth. I will write what I need to and not concern myself with the rest.

Stay tuned!

So you have a girlfriend, eh?

So I meet this guy on Tinder, Yeah, Tinder. ugh! But anyway, he seems willing to meet the same day, that evening. So far, so good, I meet him at this bar in Cherry Creek and we have great conversation; I think we may have been there at least two hours. We made a date for Friday at a bar closer to him.

The next day we texted and decided to meet that night halfway between us; literally, the next day after our date. Or the day after…I cant remember, but definitely within 48 hours, He gave me good feedback on the blog. We had good conversation and talked about Friday as well. Then he leaned in and said he had to tell me something,

Then he reveals he actually has this girlfriend in Canada (where he used to live) that he broke up with like within a day of going on Tinder. Per the Canadian, she was supposed to move to the States in December. In January. Then in February. Then she said she wasn’t moving at all, so they parted ways and he met me on Tinder. Then the day of our second date, she called him and said she wanted to move to Colorado in June. And boom: he has a girlfriend again!

“Would you like to be friends and we can see where this goes?” he asked. I was in horror. Why in the hell would I want to be friends with a guy who I had no future with? Just in case his relationship doesn’t work out? I told him I would think about it.

I went home and slept on it. Slept well in fact. For an insomniac, that’s saying something. I texted him and told him I did not need to be friends with him; after all I didn’t get on Tinder to meet ’friends’! He wrote back, saying he respected my decision. And that’s that. You’re sure you want to stay on Tinder, eh?

A spending problem….

What is a spending problem? A shopping spree? Is it really just a shopping spree? What if it happens when you go to the mall for said spree monthly? Weekly? When you know you deserve a nice perfume or new purse? Or if you’re feeling down because it’s fall and the holidays are coming? You’re lonely? You know you want those really cute boots? 2 pair? Go ahead and get them!!

I am pretty sure there is more to it. I am confident when I spend money I don’t really have, when I ask someone to hold on to my credit cards, except one, that I have more than a spending problem. Some people call that an addiction. I rationalize my decisions, entitle myself to material goods, ignore my debit and engage in the risky behavior of spending addiction. I know I need to stop.Today. Of course there is more to it.

There is the problem to stop and then there is the WHY of it. Why am I using spending to feel loved when I am having trouble feeling loved outside of my acquisition of new shiny things? The WHY will come; right now I need to stop the problem. One day at a time, I am told. Like any other addiction. What can I do to assuage my profound need for things? The need to feel empowered by pulling out my credit card and getting the new Louis Vuitton coin purse or Freebird boots? I have a few ideas…

1. Everyday I will look in the mirror and say no spending on unnecessary things today; I will do this one day at a time.

2. I will make a budge and commit to it.

3. If I am compelled to go to the mall (surprisingly my addiction does not involve Amazon or other online purchases at this time), I will go on a walk, blog, text a friend that is supportive and fully understands my plight.

4. Recommit to the budget and sit the fuck down and watch some tv, read a book, anything.

I think this is a start. I know what’s going on here now and I am ready to stop. Before you naysayers say that’s not a true addiction, let me ask you: does it cost money and at any cost I could end up hungry from now having food, does it cause me to go in debt, does it affect my mental and physical health, is it a compulsion that is rationalized by anything? Hell, yes..

I have a spending addiction and I am ready to stop..

Music I am listening to now: Addicted -Amy Winehouse

The end of the writer’s block—at least I hope so!

It’s been so many months since I have posted; I know that it’s not right, but I had a big dose of life going on. I finally got my place in Denver. I’ve always lived in Denver and the surrounding area, but this is ownership in the actual city! Amidst the homelessness, the violence, the substance abuse crisis, and many others ailments of Denver, I am the proud owner of a condo in a very established neighborhood. While I moved in August, I am just now feeling more settled.

I have been writing about relationships and exercise. Separately. Two different entities. I think its time to stop that. I think that I am ready to blend those tow areas of my life, because they have truly been intermixed this whole time. I think my weight has gotten in the way of my relationships and I think seeking a relationship has taken time from my time at the gym. They are indeed fused and I can’t compartmentalize them any more.

I think its also time I write about my valuable friendships, because they are the glue that holds me together sometimes; I think it’s only right that I make a few changes to my approach…mostly because its overdue, but also it may help me break my creative block. In the next posts to come, you will read about my life and adventures in staying fit, navigating the dating scene, and travel.

More to come….

The dating game…… sucks.

The dating game sucks. It really does. I hate to be negative; in fact I am far from negative typically. I am so positive and optimistic…. or I was. For a long time, I actually believed the next one could be the one. I used to love having a clean slate on a first date, a new start at something great. Ok… I rhymed a little too much there! Sorry! But seriously, I haven’t met anyone of taste, character, or integrity and very infrequently, someone who is physically attractive to me. Then there are the scammers online (dating apps). There are quite a few profiles for the scammers out there, but many say they are overseas, US Military (but they are not actually in the armed forces) or doing some shady business; if they are not claiming they are military, they are widowed. Some claim they will never ask you for a penny, but in 48 hours, they are asking for iTunes cards, bit coin conversion deposits, etc…. It is a joke.

So the first thing I usually do when I get a match is ask if they currently live in Denver. They either don’t respond or admit they are on a ‘peacekeeping mission in _____” and will be back in two or three months time. No thanks.

I have to get more positive. Id much rather meet someone in person or through mutual friends, but that is challenging when your friends don’t have any suggestions!!

Stay tuned!!