I tried. I wanted a light and airy summer and I have had a nice summer. So far. But the light and airy part were the guys are concerned has been a little disappointing. I am thinking there are two reasons for this. First, the online dating thing does not work for innocent and good clean fun. After you post on your profile you are not looking for anything serious, it is assumed by a great majority of men that you are looking for a hook up. There appears to be no middle ground. No dating, not meet ups or even a cocktail to see if there is some viable chemistry. I am kind of incredulous that they actually expect to show up at your door and as one Aussie described “just kinda get right into it”. WTF?! Not only is this horribly disrespectful for all parties involved, it is ludicrous in the safety department. Who actually thinks a woman is going to travel to a hotel room? With out even meeting for a drink or a cocktail (much less a few dates)? These guys think they just need your address for a good time right off the internet, without so much as a date, phone call, or even a text with an updated picture to ensure you’re not inviting someone on a date who is NOT the person you’ve been communicating with for any amount of time? This is craziness. I can ONLY surmise that guys try and succeed with this full throttle mission is because it actually works. If this is the case, as insane as it sounds, I would love to give these women a pep talk in safety online. I don’t know if they are naive, lonely, or merely stupid? What is going on today? I have tried, but just recently realized a whole month of exploring the light and airy option, it simply won’t work for me. And that’s the second reason this ‘light and airy’ summer wasn’t going to work. I am just not set up that way.
I’m not Samantha. I can’t just meet guys and sleep with them. I can’t just have meaningless fun relationships (if you can call them that). I didn’t really try hard because I could not take these guys seriously. I tried to have fun with it, but it just seemed (to me) to be lonely and dangerous. I couldn’t partake. Instead, I learned a lesson that I am pretty sure I already knew. I don’t do one night stands and I prefer romance. That’s it. I need a real relationship. Not multiple. Just one real significant relationship that includes communication, respect, autonomy and teamwork all at the same time. I guess I am more of a Carrie and way less Samantha.
So, I joined a dating service that is a major investment, but its a matchmaking service that doesn’t work on algorithms and searches of empty and possibly fake profiles. I already have a date for Tuesday, so I am pretty excited!
Finally! I think I’m on the right track. Yay me! I found a food/lifestyle program that works for me. It is so much more motivating and I can eat real food! All the time! Can you tell how excited I am? I just finished my first week. While I didn’t meet goal two days of the seven, one of them was my 50th birthday, so I will give myself a pass on that one. The other was a great learning experience.
The motivation is there for me to really be conscious of what I put in my body; everything has a point value. Wait, I take that back! There are over 200 food items with no point value. I can eat whatever I want of those. The goal for me is 23 points or fewer a day. The less point items I consume, the better I am doing. I am just getting started. For me, just having any leftover points at the end of the day is a personal victory, seeing as I love food. I am learning to strategically love the foods that have less points! As I mentioned before, last Saturday was a learning experience. I went out for dinner (always a challenge on points). I thought I was being good ,measuring out my tablespoon of butter and sour cream for my baked potato and ordering a simple Caesar salad. What i realized, fairly quickly, is that I should have had one or the other, not both. I should have just had the sour cream (less points). I should have also had a tossed salad with oil and vinegar , not a point pricy Caesar dressing. It was delicious, but even at one tablespoon each and the dressing, the day was a fail. Live & learn! So I trudge forward and I have a simple smile on my face because I’ve got this!
So fitness has been a success!! I started Pilates on July 2nd; I love it! It really is helping my strength and balance. Also my core/abdominal strength is kicking ass! I am working my body in Pilates classes three times as week and for 3 more weeks, I have personal training twice a week. I walk my dogs at least twice a day and I am going to try to do an hour walk once a week on top of that. I hiked last weekend for an hour, so there’s my walk!
I think that while this fitness is fabulous, my biggest challenge are the food choices I make each and every time I think I am hungry. Am I hungry or am I craving? Hungry for nutritious sustenance? Or Craving. Junk. Food? Each time I want to eat something, this is what need to process in my brain. I come back to this food thing because it is the most challenging for me. Does anyone else find this the most challenging? I mean of course there are times I don’t want to get off the couch where I am watching Sex and the City, but I am more driven to push myself there than with the food. So, I just need to work on that and that’s where my new lifestyle program comes into play. Since i had the two fails, I am not sure if I will have a weight loss tomorrow (my check in day). I promise I won’t beat myself up if I don’t lose weight. I can’t gain, can I? I mean I am not muscling up that much with my fitness?!
Please drop a line and let me know if you have any helpful hints on the food challenge. I could use all the help I can get.
See you soon!
I am really struggling. What is my problem!? I want to join the ranks of healthy and fit minded people. I want to balk at burgers, pizza, and nachos. What is making me instead, whole heartedly magnetized to these foods? Is it emotional eating? I don’t think so? But how do I know? I don’t feel especially more satisfied after eating crap food, so why do I still eat it? I have done the committed diet lifestyle before. Twice!
I think sometimes I am just not ready. Then I think, “that’s not true!”… I want to change, lose weight, lose the desire for poor choices. Right now I just finished a low calorie snack that is part of a lifestyle change…and an unsweetened iced tea (no calories) and feel great. Every time I make good choices, I feel great. This is a no brainer, right? Right. Now I just have to shift my choices. Protein and veggies (French fries don’t count) for me! Once I lose the weight, all the abdominal and strength training work I am doing with my personal trainer will show through, given that I am still working out.
On a positive note, I am getting exercise in mostly every week. A nice walk, dancing at the club (don’t laugh-I burned about 500 calories Friday night!), walking around huge convention centers (another 350 calories)…. I also am wrapping up my personal training this month. I am starting Pilates and super excited about that. I will be committing to that three times a week. For the weeks that personal training and Pilates over lap, I will be doing them both on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Yay me! I am looking forward to making a difference with my new Pilates body, but I said that with personal training. That’s where nutrition and good food choices come in.
Here I go!
If any one has ideas on how to get motivated, I will certainly invite them. Intellectually I know this comes from within, but inspiration is always invited!!
I’m not used to these light, easy going things. I guess I am always headed toward these intense serious things, that I don’t know what to expect with a light relationship. Perhaps the expectations are minimal.
I am not sure what to make of it all and I am pretty sure I can’t do it. But damn, I am going to try since i want a light summer with not too much seriousness. Does this mean, however, that there is no respect for my time? Does this mean not putting much effort into making plans? Generally, does a light relationship equate to minimal consideration to the other person? I am thinking yes to all of the above. This has been my recent experience. So I am learning. I started making my own plans and if he is not available, then I guess I won’t be seeing him. He’s doing this, so I will as well, at his request even.
So this holiday week, I had options; i thought he had a potential of July 4th free, so in the back of my head, I still kept that open and made plans for the other days this week. My error. Apparently, he had plans that he ‘had to confirm’ so he didn’t bother to mention. Apparently, he was available the other days, but he didn’t tell me and felt we shouldn’t plan them (just in case he got a better offer, who knows?). Well, too bad. I am now getting educated in the “little effort relationship”. I live my own life and see if we fit into them. No advance plans, really. No open communication.
Turns out, i won’t be seeing him this week since he confirmed his July 4th plans with his ‘friends’; he claims he’ll try to ‘move something around’, but what’s the point really? He’s going away for a month the day after my birthday next week and I am not waiting for that. I am moving on. i mean this is a light relationship. It requires little effort.. Next.
I have been in such a stagnant mess about my nutrition. I don’t know what it is, but I am half-assed about my diet plan and eating lifestyle. I think I want to eat well; I even try on many occasions by grabbing one of my fueling on this lifestyle plan I am on. But it is NOT working. I end up going out and being half-assed: eating a big cheeseburger with out the bun and salad on the side instead of fries. Healthy-ish at best. It would be best to get a salad with grilled protein. Taco salads are not real salads either when you consider the sour cream and cheese. Or Chipotle for the same reason, even when I go with out the tortilla and with black beans and brown rice. First of all, I need to lose the rice. And the cheese and sour cream. What am I talking about? I need to just not walk into Chipotle. Nothing personal Chipotle, but you are not healthy eating for me. I am doing okay on the fitness part of weight loss, but the nutrition is so difficult right now for me. Weight loss is mostly about nutrition. Once I lose this weight, my awesome core from my good fitness practice will show through!
I need to just stick with proteins and veggies. That’s really it. I lost 32 pounds this way. I am going to use the rest of my fuelings from this diet/lifestyle plan I started again (I had lost some weight temporarily with the plan in the beginning of 2018 or end of 2017 I think). Then I will go 100% to proteins and veggies. .I think my biggest thing is I need to jump in 100% and just do it. I can’t overthink all the reasons why I am not choosing to jump in 100%. I just need to DO IT!. What is my problem? I can’t even think about it. Just do it. What is stopping me? Not important. Just do it.
Get the idea?
Lessons learned make a long journey.
Back into the dating scene and completely exhausted. I’ve met a few guys so far. The first two were not viable options; the second of the two was downright obnoxious. He reminded me too much of the live in. This third one is definitely viable, though our relationship is as developed as a zygote.
I think I want to keep it as light as possible this time around compared with my last disaster! For one, the guy is laid back and there’s no pressure. That helps. I won’t lie. There are some other factors that play into the whole situation which makes this guy so appealing. He is 1 hour form me which means he won’t be over all the time. I enjoy his company very much; don’t get me wrong, but I want the summer to enjoy my friends and going out as well. He has his shit together and loves where he lives, so he won’t want to move in anytime soon……or ever. Bonus! He also goes away for travel quite a bit, business and pleasure. Sometimes on the weekend. This gives me time to get stuff done. With all this being said there are a few drawbacks to the whole situation.
There are times that I would have liked to see him, just to spend time getting to know each other in this initial phase. With the time differences in travel, its been awkward. I mean we got off to a good start then with time away and an inability to keep the spark when the spark needs to stay lit is a bit frustrating. I am thinking I can get over this soon, He’ll be home this week and we may see each other for dinner toward the end of the week and spending some much needed quality time on Saturday. I like that the relationship is light for now. I don’t know what he thinks of it; he’s so laid back, I imagine he thinks it is a pretty casual situation. I think this is dating sans the intense togetherness. We have decided to be monogamous after sleeping together (after the FOURTH date), I think. Maybe I need more clarification on the details, but that does not mean serious per se. More like safe. I think I will find out more this weekend. But for the first time in a very long time, I am NOT in a rush. It feels good. I think this is going to shape up to be a very fun summer!
Another thing: He knows I blog, but he does not ask me about it. Ever. Never. I am not sure if this means he doesn’t care or if he lets me be with the privacy to write what I want, uncensored.