The waiting game is a bitch.
The waiting game is a bitch.
So, I’m finally getting in the rhythm of a good work out schedule. My trainer gave me a great app that holds me accountable. Or tries to at least! I am trying to work out three to four times a week. Three times a week is much more doable because of my 10 hour shifts at work. I work 4 days, so at least I can carve out time on my days off and maybe get to yoga in the morning of a noon start time at work.
I have a strength endurance day, hypertrophy day, and a stability day…then yoga. I think this week I will be able to get in two days of work out and yoga in between. I am going away Friday morning for a work conference and won’t get my normal Friday and Saturday work outs. With each of these works outs, I have a metabolic conditioning cardio walk on the treadmill. As for the different types of exercise, I am still getting used to the routines and sometimes feel self-conscious completing the exercises at the gym, but feel so good when I am done. I just did tomorrow’s regimen last Friday with my trainer, so I think I feel comfortable with that. The machines come this Thursday for me and that’s my hypertrophy day. I am not quite comfortable with the machines; I think I may be intimidated on them because of all the people working on them that seem to know exactly what they are doing. I guess practice makes perfection. Progress, not perfection….
Then I get yoga this Wednesday! Yay! Yoga at my gym is available for free every day. There are different types of yoga and I am really enjoying Surrender and Root yoga. I am not yet ready for Flow. Flow moves very fast and I am not quite comfy with the different poses and by the time I get the poses nailed, they are moving quickly to the next pose I don’t know very well. With Surrender and Root, I get to hold the poses for a while. I get to be very acquainted with each movement and each breath. It really works my core, my focus, my breathing. I love it. It can be really challenging – yoga almost always pushes me past my comfort level each and every time.
Overall, things are going mostly well at the gym, as you can see. What is lacking in my health journey is my nutrition. I was doing well and then I just got lazy; there is not another good explanation that wouldn’t just sound like the excuse that it s. SO yes, lazy. I want to return to a healthy living style and leave out the carbs and the sugar. Those are my biggest offensive areas of my diet that screw me over every time; Since the spring, I have gained back 18 pounds. I would like to lose them again. You see, I know exactly what I have to do here. It is not rocket science. Veggies and protein have always worked for me with minimal fats and carbs (not totally absent). I need to just cut out sugar and be done with it. No more candy corns, no more gummy bears.
I have a resting metabolic assessment on November 3rd and I’d really like to get some good eating habits in before then that will show up on the assessment. Wish me luck!!
Any comments, advice or ideas? Drop me a line or leave a comment!!
Wait. The reward is out there.
So, it’s been a while since my last post. Everything has been blue skies and no clouds for a while….this too shall past. Time for a storm to come in. Everything was going so smoothly. Then I started feeling conflict. I felt the first twinges about a week or two ago, during some political discussions. We had a little misunderstanding about politics and out values/opinions. During a period of time that I have been really evaluating my values and core beliefs, this was a critical issue. I think, if I remember right, this came about last week, still in the midst of the decision regarding Kavanaugh’s fate. And THAT hearing was particularly sensitive for me. Then I found out the guy was more or less aligned with my values. He makes no political Facebook posts, denouncing one party or another, which is something I respect also. But enough about politics. There was something else.
We live 1-2 hours apart (depending on when you’re traveling and in which direction). And when we live in our respective towns, we have completely contrasting lifestyles. He took me on a small walk along the river. It was absolutely beautiful; there is no denying that. He took his fishing rod and we started out. When he swung his rod ,the bait got stuck in my hair. I thought it was an overly aggressive massive bug and I started messing with my hair; it was stuck. It was a bug, but not a real one….just the bait of a fly fisherman, the guy! I could definitely laugh about it then, but it gave me pause. Could this life or anything like it be remotely interesting to me? Then we went near the river and I didnt want to go too close with my sneakers…and he suggested next time I get some river shoes. Excuse me? River shoes? Have we met? I am NOT a river shoes kinda gal. No Teva’s for me, or any thing like that!! Not I! I am more of a Tiffany & CO kinda woman. Now I am all for hikes and dry mountainous adventures. Just no bugs or brush please! It was then that I realized I do not fit in here. I totally respect that this life style is perfect for him. It’s just not for me. I may be messing up the time line regarding the river shoes incident and the political/values misunderstanding, but everything started causing me self-doubt about this relationship. I mean, where can this really go?
So, I started to shut down, really not wanting anything with this. I started to come up with the realization that this relationship is completely NOT viable. How can I waste time traveling to and fro a place where I don’t fit in and I am not sure I even want to? I am 49 years old. I can’t just spend time in a relationship that has no future; he has a 3-5 year plan in his town, career wise; and plus, he loves it there. I totally and utterly respect that. I just have no desire to live there, if it should ever come to that. And he really has no plans to leave and come my way. We are at a stalemate-there is no future.
Then I basically ended it on this premise of no future and said we should just be friends and still go back East in November together and a trip we booked for December as friends. This was a very hard conversation, one of the hardest I have had since my divorce. I thought I would be relieved and have a load off my mind. Then this budding relationship with no future would be behind me; on to the next, per usual routine.
Damn, was I wrong. So wrong. This was the most painful thing ever and all I could do was cry every day and I was sad. Like really crushed. And I was doing the crushing, flipping the script on this guy when I had previously been so into the relationship. How in the world could this be happening? I talked to friends and a therapist. After crying and feeling horrible and a LOT of self-reflection, I realized a few key things.
I am scared. I have never had a relationship go so right from the get go. Go right and hold off on physical intimacy and be successful. While I am not sabotaging this because I feel I don’t deserve this and ending it because I am not worthy ( I know I am), this relationship flow is completely out of my comfort zone. Out of bounds. Not in the ball park of any relationship in the last 25 years. Even and especially my former marriage. So maybe I didn’t realize I was so much in fear of something like this happening. I like being in control of a situation and I definitely am not experienced with a non-physical successful relationship. So I shut down. Ruling out any and all the possibilities based on distance and life style, convincing myself I was just being true to myself. Which maybe I am/was, but how can things be right with this if I am crying and hysterically sad daily. I loved when we talked the first thing in the morning and last thing at night. When I could tell him everything and he actually is interested and engaged in my day.
So we talked. A lot. We will see if this can be worked through. I have hope. I like him an awful lot; and I kinda think he likes me also.
I’m listening to : Stars all seem to weep by Beth Orton
So I have always wondered if this is a thing in relationships. Not forever, obviously, but at least for mere moments at a time. I have asked myself if things can just be normal and smooth sailing, no sudden wind changes, no sudden black clouds out of no where for some solid period of space and time. I honestly saw it in other people’s lives with their significant others. I just didn’t think it would be possible for me.
But yet, it is! It’s all possible. I shared a few weeks ago in this post:There’s a nice guy out there, right? that there may be a real guy out there who is respectful, honest, funny, nice and not afraid to commit. And still not the pressuring type. Not only did he commit to hanging out with just me, but to a vacation in December. Yeah, I know! Three whole months away!! I am so excited. Now, between now and then there may be a gray sky now and then, but with a month of no gray skies, I am hopeful the trend will continue, for at least a while. By this, I don’t mean that every day is perfect in itself. But shared with him, I don’t have the anxiety the comes from distrust or bad instincts. I don’t have the frustration from expectations placed too high. Things have been good with equal give and take on both sides. And what I shared in my first post about this guy still stands. All of it!
And if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you too!!
So I have been good with working out. Honest! Then I went out of town toward end of August and then right after Labor Day. Made it pretty easy to get off course. I am not happy about that. The good thing is that I exercised a lot during both vacations! I did plenty of water aerobics in California (I can’t believe I did water aerobics!) and a plethora of walking around Nashville! I loved both vacations, but it is time to get with the program!
My new schedule is Sunday, Wednesday & Friday. Sunday I closed my exercise ring on my exercise app on my phone. If you work out and own an iPhone, you probably know what I am talking about. Almost every other day in Nashville I came very close to closing that red ring and I am pleased (considering I didn’t get my normal workout in). One of those days will be a recovery day for yoga. The other days will be strength/resistance/weight with Metabolic Conditioning in my Cardio work out. It will be good to get back to my normal routine. And I am a creature of habit….so routine is good!
Let’s start this work out tomorrow!! Time for toning, weight loss and heart pumping…and most of all, feeling great!!
Is there someone who doesn’t expect sex on the first date or even the third? How about the guy who doesn’t even ask when he’s going to get it?
Someone that doesn’t care at all if you wear glasses in the morning?
Or the guy who possesses a sense of boundaries, for your weak or even his own?
And he’s super nice and considerate. Because he lets you be you?
What if I told you I met someone like this?
And he’s not my type. Because my type lately has been sleazy douchebag.
I have a new type…because good guys should finish first.
Stay tuned! This is a work in progress.