In all my preparation for Paris and figuring out my dating situation, I misplaced my ambition to work out. Where in the hell did I put it? I swear it was somewhere up in the closet with my myriad of work-out gear and clothes. Damn. I have looked for it half -assed, I have to admit lately. I have taken a real liking to focusing on Paris and where I will go, what will I see, how long will I stay out each day….that I totally forgot to maintain my exercise schedule, so all that walking in Paris will be easy peasy.
I need to reassign my ambition, but with the blisters on my heels from yesterday’s selection of brand new shoes, this is going to be a little challenging. It’s my own fault for not putting on bandaids before I put the shoes on. Back to ambition. See, I lost it again. So close, yet so far away. I even have a work-out playlist and really cute things to wear. I even went on a short hike Saturday. So why is it so short-lived when I lost 30 pounds with awesome dedication in 2016? It is so odd! I’m still trying to figure it out.
I am supposed to on the treadmill now per my agreement with my hiking buddy. But I am not. The blisters. I need to heal the blisters and get on with it!
Let’s work out!!
Why am I posting exercise and fitness rants when I am supposed to be writing about dating, relationships and communication between males and females as well as female friends? That was the focus, right? Well, I have found that the relationship I have with myself is pretty damn important. If I can’t be happy with the way I look or feel, how can I exude confidence? I can’t. If I can’t, how can I expect others to be confident in me and experience an attract to someone they want to get to know (male or female)? I can’t do that either. I am going go to be successful in the adventures of relationships with guys and my female friends when I am successful in the relationship I have with myself. Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City character) said this pretty exactly in the last episode of Sex and the City Season six, part two.
Enter fitness and exercise. And diet (seemingly my albatross). When I have the tools in my tool chest, I have no excuses. Especially when I have used the tools with success in the last year. I have no one to blame but myself when I am to happy with the way things are going. I love the fitness part. I hate the healthy eating part. Except, I love the way I feel and look when I am successful with healthy eating patterns and habits. I hate the way I feel after eating at McDonalds. Why is it so hard? It makes total sense that I should be fully on board with the “eating right” thing. But I am not. So far from it. This weekend I have consumed the following in no particular order:
- gummy bears
- hot wings and sweet potato fries
- two IPAs
- movie popcorn
- lemon drop martini
- red wine
- omelet with bacon and cheese (don’t forget the potatoes and bread with that please)
- and some other stuff I can’t get remember.
So why is this so hard this year? If I could break through that, I think I could get to the crux of the problem. Just Saturday, I was reminded of my fat content when my personal trainer said “today, we are doing measurements”. Uh? What? I thought the fat caliper measurement was all that we needed to determine how out of shape I was. Clearly, not so much.
I have done the diet, the eating right, the changing of the paradigm. What happened over this last holiday season that got me so far off track? I am going to work on answerig that one, right after I grab a rice cake. Seriously, they are not so bad when you put some white cheddar cheese on top. Just kidding….Not.
I want it now. I’m working hard to accomplish my goals. So where’s the pay off? I mean, I’ve been at it for a solid week and a half and NOTHING to show for it. I have to say the frustration of not having the pay off by now has me infinitely irritated. I’m kinda pissed. Like really pissed that my hard-working isn’t leaving anything behind. Like globs of fat. And laziness. And crap food. Now I know in order to get the body I want (the flattest stomach ever and no visible cellulite), I simply can’t expect it now. It’s going to take time and effort. Definitely more than 1.5 weeks of working my body hard, but slightly less focused on my daily nutritional intake. That part sucks. I have been improving, but then I ordered Italian food for delivery tonight. How am I supposed to get it now, when all I am ordering now is baked ziti and garlic knots? It’s going to take a dietary overhaul and this kick ass work out at the gym. Its going to take both in big doses. Wanting it all now is going to have to wait for later.
In the midst of my frustrations and hard work, there are the (not so) small accomplishments. The little feats that make up my personal best to date in my recent experience. They make it ALL worth it. I honestly had no earthly idea that I could row or really do anything remotely athletic. Sure, it’s a rowing machine. Sure, it’s a contrived experience in a gym. But, I am rowing! I am doing these 2 minute cardio bursts and going to out-distance myself each time. The first few times, I rowed 250 meters in 2 minutes. Yesterday, I beat my personal best with my trainer and rowed about 410 meters in 2 minutes. I guess this is meaningless unless you’ve rowed (in real life or the gym). And I am guessing my personal best only applies to the gym version of rowing. I don’t care. And this is why. Its my personal best on this machine. It is the most athletic thing I have ever done in my life.If you went to school with me, you knew I was far from sports-minded. You chose me last for kickball and that’s okay today. Because tomorrow I am headed for the gym to beat my personal best. And that’s all that matters.
So I mentioned my new work out plan: a gym and a personal trainer. I am ecstatic and I remain thrilled…six days in! I am so ready to do what ever my PT wants me to do on the mat, on a nautilus machine, or even, and especially, the rower machine! Enthusiasm at its finest! I am so careful to avoid the use of “can’t”, instead carefully substituting it for the word challenging or “I’ll try that”. Often this word choice has taken a conscious effor. I am exercising my mind as well las my body. I am honest and tell him everything I want to get from my work out and will work hard for: weight loss, body strength, all over tone, and yeah, of course: a flat stomach. My dream. I am on a mission and I have been focused and determined everytime he adds another exercise to my work out plan.
At the end of my first three sessions, my PT hands me the work sheet and says that my homework is now laid out for me. I can text him if I need to. The last thing I am going to do is be “THAT client, the one that’s bothering him all the time. Today, I came home from work and walked my dog after changing into my exercise attire. Totally psyched! All ready, get set go…..I get to the gym and do a little 5 minute cardio warm up on the bike. Then I stretch. So far so good. Then I read the Workout Plan aka my prescription for fitness. I am afflicted utterly and completely. With work out amnesia………I lost any memory of what my PT had carefully outlined for me. I felt like a world-class idiot. Just days, correction, the day before, I was following close instruction and could have sworn I was paying attention to all the moves. I drew a blank. So what do I do? I wing it. I stretch, I do the best memory of a few different exercises and did the reps for those. I hopped on my new favorite machine: the Rower. I rowed almost 350 meters in 2 minutes and called it a day.
Enthusiasm and amnesia and confessions. Confessions to my PT Saturday. When I tell him about my meager amnesia in the face of my genuine enthusiasm.