Tag: progress

Heavy baggage

So, on Sex and the City, Carrie started dating Berger, another author, soon realizing the Ex-Files would have to be opened. Ugh. Like Carrie, I so wish we could start a new relationship with a brand new slate. No background noise, no messy past.  Is it really necessary to go there? Really?  What good can happen from the discovery phase of old failed relationships?

Okay, I will give it a try. I will try to be open to the fact that heavy awkward baggage can be okay, if we communicate about it. I can’t see how we can dance around with baggage filled with unintended resentment and triggers and expect our partner to read our minds when we become ultra sensitive in a situation. I think we kind of have to discuss  the weirdness. And thus, unpack our messy baggage.   And here we go: alcoholics,  workaholics, fathers, mothers, and mentally unstable people come tumbling out waiting to shock, dismay and discourage us from exploring the further  depths that  our great new relationship can go, Sometimes I feel like our skeletons are scarier locked in those bulky  bags.

Since the beginning of our budding relationship, my boyfriend and I have brought the contents of our baggage to the forefront, into the light  We have to bring it up really, because our lives have become what they are because of our past. We can’t put our heads in the sand and pretend our past relationships never existed; they are part of who we are, for better or for worse.  I think the passage of our past relationships have made us better, stronger people, but they have also created triggers.  In order to understand why we react the way we do to certain situations,  we need to share our stories of the alcoholic, the workaholic, the mentally unstable partners of the past.  I guess we could start fresh and not talk about them and pretend that we don’t have any triggers or buttons that can be pressed. At my age, I think that’s a little unrealistic .  When my guy and I talk, it helps me diminish the power of past loves,  because its only in the dark where they seem to unleash their venom, if we were to keep their power (to upset us) secret.  We won’t let the past relationships ruin us when they are out in the open.

So, as much as I hate bringing up some of my past, I think it just may be the way to go in an open and honest relationship that is geared for a great and prosperous future, rich in love.

What I am listening to now: Hymnal by In The Valley Below

Getting honest…

Sooo, I have turned a corner in my life. I am ready to blog about my former marriage and divorce and  its hard. Oh so hard to even think about.  I have procrastinated too long; and by too long, I simply mean since October. This is going to unfold slowly.  I want to share the experience of my marriage and divorce and what happened to land me back in the world of dating and single life.

Bear with me. I will work on posting about this relationship, not only the marriage and divorce and life post-divorce, but also the courtship in the beginning.  I will  still post about fitness, current relationships, etc in between. When you’re reading my posts, I invite you to comment or email me about what I have written. I won’t fall apart or get upset.. I got divorced in 2011; things are much better for me now.. I just want to be as raw and honest and in the moment as I possibly can to express the palpable fear and stress I lived with almost daily.  There was no physical abuse. The fear comes from emotional mistreatment and my ex-husband’s anger issues.  And I will be explicit in my story of getting through it all. And how that happened. I’ll give you a hint: family and friends. But I am getting way ahead of myself.  These posts will reveal personal information about those other than me, but I will be keeping their identity completely anonymous as I have on this blog thus far. My hope is that my story will not only help people realize they are not alone, but the telling of my experience will be liberating as well.

Also, please please please: If you have any advice on how to get this on a blog or how I should proceed, by all means, drop me a line  by email or comment below.

On that note, I will let all my readers know that I am going back east to visit family this weekend and won’t return till Wednesday; I haven’t decided if i am bringing my iPad, so you may hear from me.

Have a fantastic week and I will definitely be back next week!!

Forever. And a day.

WOW! I had no clue I abandoned my post, literally, for about three months. I am so sorry!

The good news is that I have been so busy with life and fitness with my optimal health plan, that my  short term fitness,  life goals and outcomes have been favorable!

1. EXERCISE: What a great thing to do! I am improving in this department. My healthy living (with a side of weight loss) program discouraged too much exercise when I was going through such a radical calorie reduction. I soon understood why. Now, in transition, I am getting back to the exercising/walking, both outside and on the treadmill. I am excited to get physically fit in shape in time for warm weather fun in the mountains!

2. LOST OVER 25 POUNDS: This was an amazing feat! I gained so much weight in the last 2 years since losing weight in 2016. WHY?! How did  I let that happen? I can tell you exactly what happened. Maybe this has happened to you. I did not transition into a way of healthy living. I did not set myself up for healthy maintenance eating and healthful and wise choices.  I  have now lost weight and looking to lose about 10 more.  Most importantly, I am learning how to live with daily healthy living with a slight bent toward losing a bit more weight. Once I get to my desired weight, I will admit that the healthy living will be a challenge. I want the healthy living and most of the time, its not that hard. But sometimes….. yes, sometimes I am craving nachos and nerds or gummy bears. I am not going to lie. I want to stay in this weight loss mode until I am secure in my healthy choices and know I am not going to yo-yo back to this weight from December.

3. NO MORE DATING ONLINE (doing something else that I will delve into a little later for all your curious people)….yay! I have joined more of a matchmaking thing. I guess we still have to put ourselves out there. This time, it seems different. It involves more work, but the outcome hopefully includes some more quality. With those free online sites, you get what you don’t pay for! You know what I am talking about: Plenty of Fish, Bumble, Tinder…the list goes on.  It’s also dramatically different because instead of getting into the time suck of these dating sites (yes, plural), I can live life and blog more, work more, and exercise more. I can check in on line with this different singles group after selecting certain people.  We’ll see how this goes. I don’t officially start being eligible online till after I finish my profile. Who knows that this singles group will bring!

4. BOUGHT A TOWNOUSE!! Okay, how did this just happen in three months? I wasn’t even looking for a place. The truth is I wasn’t looking at all. I went to an open house one weekend with a friend. I fell in love with the townhouse I saw. I called over my future realtor and talked to a lending officer right then and there. She was at the open house.  The unexpected and rare thing happened: a domino effect of contractual agreements just fell into place.  From the date the offer was accepted and the contract signed, I closed on my townhouse 30 days later. I had no clue  my life would change this much this soon or how much my life would change. I think part of this is because I am moving to the suburbs from the city. It’s going to be a big change; but I think I am ready.

Yes, I have done this all since my last post in December! Things have been crazy and overwhelming, but reassuring that I have been making progress in positive life changes.

I think with these new changes (and being house rich cash poor I am sure), I will be blogging a lot more and sharing my dating experiences once again. And this time, in the middle of suburbia. Dating in suburbia. I see that being one of my future posts.

Stay tuned!

Off track…featuring gummy bears and lemon drop martinis

Why am I posting exercise and fitness rants when I am supposed to be writing about dating, relationships and communication between males and females as well as female friends?  That was the focus, right? Well, I have found that the relationship I have with myself is pretty damn important. If I can’t be happy with the way I look or feel, how can I exude confidence? I can’t. If I can’t, how can I expect others to be confident in me and experience an attract to someone they want to get to know (male or female)? I can’t do that either. I am going go to be successful in the adventures of relationships with guys and my female friends when I am successful in the relationship I have with myself. Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City character) said this pretty exactly in the last episode of Sex and the City Season six, part two.

Enter fitness and exercise.  And diet (seemingly my albatross). When I have the tools in my tool chest, I have no excuses. Especially when I have used the tools with success in the last year. I have no one to blame but myself when I am to happy with the way things are going. I love the fitness part. I hate the healthy eating part.  Except, I love the way I feel and look when I am successful with healthy eating patterns and habits. I hate the way I feel after eating at  McDonalds. Why is it so hard? It makes total sense that I should be fully on board with the “eating right” thing. But I am not. So far from it. This weekend I have consumed the following in no particular order:

  • gummy bears
  • hot wings and sweet potato fries
  • two IPAs
  • movie popcorn
  • lemon drop martini
  • red wine
  • omelet with bacon and cheese (don’t forget the potatoes and bread with that please)
  • and some other stuff I can’t get remember.

So why is this so hard this year? If I could break through that, I think I could get to the crux of the problem. Just Saturday, I was reminded of my fat content when my personal trainer said “today, we are doing measurements”. Uh? What? I thought the fat caliper measurement was all that we needed to determine how out of shape I was. Clearly, not so much.

I have done the diet, the eating right, the changing of the paradigm. What happened over this last holiday season that got me so far off track? I am going to work on answerig that one, right after I grab a rice cake.  Seriously, they are not so bad when you  put some white cheddar cheese on top. Just kidding….Not.

 

Feats and frustrations

I want it now. I’m working hard to accomplish my goals. So where’s the pay off? I mean, I’ve been at it for a solid week and a half and NOTHING to show for it. I have to say the frustration of not having the pay off by now has me infinitely irritated. I’m kinda pissed. Like really pissed that my hard-working isn’t leaving anything behind. Like globs of fat. And laziness. And crap food.  Now I know in order to get the body I want (the flattest stomach ever and no visible cellulite), I simply can’t expect it now. It’s going to take time and effort. Definitely more than 1.5 weeks of working my body hard, but slightly less focused on my daily nutritional  intake. That part sucks. I have been improving, but then I ordered Italian food for delivery tonight. How am I supposed to get it now, when all I am ordering now is baked ziti and garlic knots?   It’s going to take a dietary overhaul and this kick ass work out at the gym. Its going   to take both in big doses. Wanting it all now is going to have to wait for later.

In the midst of my frustrations and hard work, there are the (not so) small accomplishments. The little feats that make up my personal best to date in my recent experience. They make it ALL worth it.  I honestly had no earthly idea that I could row or really do  anything remotely athletic. Sure, it’s a rowing machine.  Sure, it’s a contrived experience in a gym. But, I am rowing! I am doing these 2 minute cardio bursts and going to out-distance  myself each time. The first few times, I rowed 250 meters in 2 minutes. Yesterday, I beat my personal best with my trainer and rowed about 410 meters in 2 minutes. I guess this is meaningless unless you’ve rowed (in real life or the gym). And I am guessing my personal best only applies to the gym version of rowing.  I don’t care. And this is why. Its my personal best on this machine. It is the most athletic thing I have ever done in my life.If you went to school with  me, you knew I was far from sports-minded. You chose me last for kickball and that’s okay today. Because tomorrow I am headed for the gym to beat my personal best.  And that’s all that matters.