Blame it on the rain (a.k.a. A short texting relationship)

I met this guy on a dating website, POF, if you must know.  It’s been a while. Over the course of a year or three, we had exchanged messages and occasionally a cell text or two; it never amounted to much, mostly because he admitted he was not really interested in a Long Term Relationship. Fine. I respect his honesty at that time and nothing went forward although he tried to make plans. I’d then remind him he’s not looking for the same things I am.

Advance to last week. He now texts me (because we have advanced to cell phone texting exclusively) that he is definitely looking for a LTR. Great. We’re in business. He asks to make a date. Perfect. Then the true colors come out. Once again. “Do you have any sexy pics you can send me?”…Umm, NO?!  “I have to warn you a lot of women can’t handle my sex drive.” And why are you telling me this after you say you’re seeking something more meaningful and haven’t even met me? That’s in my head of course. I don’t say anything. Mostly because there is no point. I already know where this is going. I am going to try to NOT assume my suspicions are right. Not right away.

Wait for it. Wait.for.it. It’s coming:  Then it comes “I’ll bring an over night bag…you know, in case it goes well,” he texts. He texts in a kind of kidding way. Kind of. So I play along and say “Ha, no overnight bags at my  place!” in an equally kidding text. Kind of. I was clear though, that an overnight would not be happening after this first meeting. He acts like this is no biggie….Until the rain comes. “The rain is crazy here. I don’t think I will be able to make it”.  Really? Blame it on the rain?

I tell him this is no surprise; I knew he wasn’t ready for something real. Real relationships typically (not always, but typically) start with a meaningful foundation and good conversation.  Of special note, he has been peppering the conversation to references of us being adults and we can do what we want. What “we” want? And what’s your point? Do adults just going around sleeping with strangers? Why, of course they do, I am sure…somewhere.

I’ve been there. Yep, I have. But the word ‘been’ refers to past tense. Now, it seems there is more that I am looking for and sleeping with someone doesn’t seem to be helping me get there. So I don’t. It’s that simple. No judgement.  Just me trying something different to get to the LTR.  In a Sex and The City episode, Carrie Bradshaw questions “Delayed gratification is a sign of maturity, no?”….and I think she’s on to something.  You know for the rest of us adults out there…

So, I called him out on his half-assed desire for a LTR and how I am not planning on developing a relationship with sex as the foundation. I texted him that I wanted a far more substantial basis for our relationship. He said I was freaking him out and begged me  to  “just stop!”

I am done. Another guy who wants sex up front claiming they want a LTR. Really, he does. But sex first, because after all, “we” are consenting adults. Assuming I am consenting to a hook up and all.   He’s definitely not the first, but his agenda has been by far the most blatant.

So, I went to bed.

The next morning, he sends a brief friendly text. I sent back a polite one word answer “Thanks”.

And that’s the end to this chapter of dating on POF.

 

Listening to Amy Winehouse’s Back To Black.

To Settle or Not To Settle?

Is settling as bad as it sounds? Does it mean we are compromising our ideals and expectations? To me, that’s how it sounds. It sounds nothing like ‘settling down’. Which seems to mean more of a ‘putting down roots’ type of thing. Maybe?  I feel like no one wants to settle, but I think people are doing it  all the time in the name of instant gratification;  it cures loneliness and an insatiable need for companionship. Does that mean that independent people who don’t have that need will never settle because they really don’t need that  constant companionship?

I just don’t know right now. I am fairly independent, complete with a newly purchased townhouse (on my own, no roommates, unless you count my puggle Max), vacations done solo,  and dinners and movies with no requisite date. These things really don’t bother me. Most of the time. There are times (mostly the weekends) where I long for some companionship.  And in those periods of time, I find myself bored and looking in places that have never provided much promise, like dating online. So there I am, settling. Is setting that bad? All of the time? Or is it just looked down upon if you are settling for long term solutions?  So this brings a new question…Short term v. long term settling? Is either “worse”? Do you find yourself doing this? What is that?

Am I guilty of short term settling? It’s highly likely. Which sets me up for losing opportunities for a more worthy partner in the long term…. if I am not looking at the big picture and parlaying my patience in the short term for more rewarding relationships in the long term. Is it because as I get older, I assume the dating pool is more like a wee little pond and there are not, in fact, plenty of fish? Thus, being in a hurry and bored is an unfortunate cocktail for not so satisfying relationships.  I get the idea patience will get me through boredom. Then I won’t have to settle in the long term, much less the short term. Boredom is a bitch!  More time to blog, less time for boredom!!

 

Drop a comment and let me know: Is settling the worst thing ever? Is there a difference between short term and long term settling?

 

Listening to Depeche Mode’s Some Great Reward…specifically Somebody… Depeche Mode can be a little depressing sometimes, but sometimes the perfect sentiment.

 

 

I want a partner, not a pedestal

So why are there so many men looking for princesses and queens on POF… other dating sites, for that matter? You’d  think they would know princesses and queens are for Disney or some far off country.   Or are there really a lot of women here in the US of A that want to be treated like a princess? I really don’t know the answer to that. I can’t imagine wanting to be treated like a princess and it leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth. Like Tab from the 80’s.

You see, I want a partner, not a pedestal. I want someone to walk side by side with me, someone I can discuss things with across the table at dinner. I am not helpless. I don’t need a proverbial pedestal to know my worth. I want to be able to be respected and treated as  an equal partner. I am not some princess that needs “things”, much less a pedestal for my ego.  What is it with guys today? What do they think we want?

A princess, I guess….

Nobody will love you like me

 

I had a very interesting short-term texting relationship lately. I met this guy on POF. Many of the guys on this site very interested in being pen-pals or texting friends. Every time I mention an actual meeting with someone I meet, it’s as if I run into absolute aversion. “Not that! Don’t make me actually  have contact,” they seem to be saying. When I question their ability to meet and why they are so uninterested in an actual date, they are unable to come up with really good reasons. I am not looking for a pen-pal or text friend, but I ran into one anyway.

I don’t even know how to describe this guy. The first night we actually texted  (mind  you, never a phone call), I asked him if his profile was true, that he was actually looking for a wife. He said yes and that he talked about me fulfilling the wife role. When I asked him about that, he said he was just joking. What started as a weird beginning got way more bizarre.

I explained to him in a subsequent texting conversation  the next day about my drug/no marijuana stance. He then went on a judgmental tirade against all marijuana users and their lifestyle. Which is not exactly what I was getting at. But anyway, I trudge on to determine why he is so judgmental.  This would have been the first time I should have actually ceased the relationship. Period. He acts as if I should be insulting the marijuana  users simply because I do not date those who use. He called me a hypocrite. Not totally accurate there. I discern who is in my social circle, but I don’t need to judge every marijuana user on the planet. When he starts adding in that he does not hang out with any “sickly” people in general, it begs the question of “physical, mental, all ages…really?”. When he texted back “all of the above”, I told him this  really won’t work. I have friends and relatives with different medical and mental health disorders, and I have had my share of medical melodrama as well.  I  stop texting him. Which is all good and fine until that evening.

He texts me later that evening and starts in on some mighty bizarre topics about his ability to find women with no effort, sending me an example of some such woman. We all know he didn’t send me a real photo of someone he knows, but of some horrid stock  photo from the internet. Not surprising as there are pics for the taking. But if you are going to brag about the women you are able to “get”, why wouldn’t you choose an attractive woman? Beautiful even? Not some skanky photo of some woman’s hip in lingerie being caressed by her own overgrown nasty manicured fingers. When I asked why this is what he is attracted to, he states in some disjointed non sequitur way: “I get more p***y than the law allows” (I am serious. I think he is in cahoots with Trump). I have no clue what that has to do with anything. He also stated “I’m usually only single for 10 minutes in my life” and  “I hate being alone….”. I kid you not. I explain to him that I am looking for someone who is independent, who knows how to be alone and comfortable with that.

This is right about the time my friends are telling me to stop even dealing with such a lunatic. Just leave the dude alone! I can not do that…this is too much fun, engaging in this creepy nonsense. What a waste of time, they said. True.

So I continue to text him and state and I quote myself:

“I would never meet you. Your lack of self-knowledge and brutal honesty about yourself is something I could never deal with. Your lack of even understanding about divorced women/”damaged” in your coworker’s eyes (and possibly your own) and your inability to be alone for longer than a month or “ten minutes” is not attractive to me at all.”.

Yes, I know, why am I even texting him? Why am i giving this guy any time or attention at all? Quite simply: I couldn’t let it go. He was such an ass, I couldn’t let him get away with this!  His immediate response to the above text?

“Yea it is ….nobody with lobe you like me”? Ear lobes? what? Of course he texted back “love”.

Okay, so nobody will love me like he will? Is this not one of the emotional abuse anthems? Does he even know what a red flag he just waved high up in the sky?  I informed him of this red flag and he just told me he looked forward to seeing me this weekend, as if I had said nothing (which in itself is saying a mouthful).  I told him that I would not be contacting him and said “no more”. He texted more. I had to finally text back “blocking now”. And I did.

The lesson: I don’t need to engage with every creep just to prove a point. I could have left that alone and blocked him way earlier. Was it wrong to have fun and push buttons at his expense, even if he didn’t notice.

What do you think? I should leave well enough (or in this case “bad enough”) alone and not spend time with someone just to prove a point or push their button?

Note: When editing this post this morning,  I realized it created a new post, at the top. Let’s be clear- this guy is definitely NOT the guy  I am speaking of in this new current relationship! Thank God!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Douchebag #3: Me, my son and you…

I thought I have seen quite a lot of scenarios in the Internet dating world. I had seen all sorts: polyamorous, open relationships, long distance,  (way) younger guys and cougar-dom,  whatever. I even came across a guy that wanted to look and not touch; that guy wanted a woman to travel to southern California about 1-3 times a month at his expense. The woman would be sexy and just sit for him while he did nothing, but perhaps contemplate the woman he could never attain. He stated he had a bad experience not being able to attain a woman on a beach when he was young. He felt invisible and undesired. He is now seeking that type woman to sit for him so he can relive the memory of rejection.

Yes, there is a woman for everyone out there. I guess. No judgment. This time it was different. That was intriguing, but I couldn’t bring my self to respond to that man’s requests to sit still for him.   What I am about to share with you is something new for me, even with that experience of sitting  pretty for someone who wants to feel rejected all over again.

I saw a cute guy online, POF to be exact. I even sent an email to see what would come back. He sent a message back pretty quickly.  Almost too quickly. He complimented my profile pictures. Probably didn’t read the text at all. Nothing new. I just politely returned the message and asked how he was doing. He shoots back a message just as rapidly. “Are you open-minded?”…..Sometimes. He texts back that he wants someone open minded and does want to find someone to marry. I asked him what he had in mind as i am admittedly open minded about some things, not about others. Like drugs, excessive alcohol use, or criminal activity in past or present. Ever.  So he states that’s fine because what he has in mind is a bit different.

I can not remember the exact words, but he said something like this: “I would like you to help my son. He was recently dumped by his girlfriend for not being able to please him. Would you show him everything about pleasing a woman? And you would be with me also. Not always at the same time. But sometimes. Sometimes just him. Sometimes just me and other times, both of us”.
Whoa!! WTF? I was quite horrified just then. I had NEVER come across this in my life.  I honestly just wanted to hit the BLOCK button. Something, however, told me this could be a bloggable moment.  I would never consider this, not even for a nanosecond. As a bloggable moment, priceless. I pretended to be intrigued. So I engaged.

“Wow! I am intrigued! Tell me more. You said he is how old?’ Jesus …not a minor please.
“Oh he’s 20 years old. See him in the picture?”. Yeah. I did. He looks about 12.
He went on to explain how this would be totally worth it as they are so well-endowed. Oh My God. This is an OMG moment for sure. I am positive this qualifies.
“I am definitely intrigued…so you said you wanted to get married. How would that work with your son? This would all stop if  we got married, right? We should meet in person with your son to talk more.” ….I intended to do nothing of the sort.
“Oh no. That would not stop at all. Its much more naughty when he’s your step son”. Holy shit. This had to be a joke. Or the “to catch a predator” people will be hunting me by the time I get ready for bed.  So 15 minutes go by with no response. I asked him if this was a  test or if he changed his mind. 10 minutes later he delete this profile and no record of any emails or any profile remains.

Ha! The joke could be on me. Or not. Hard to know. No one has been knocking down my door to raid my Internet history yet.l
Be careful out there!
And yes, creepy things happened in threes this year….

Tell me your creepy stories and leave me a comment with your experiences!!

A Tale of 2 Douchebags: where do I begin?

So how do I begin this tale? I promised myself I must  be honest. I tried to consider a better word than douchebag. I even consulted the thesaurus for a more suitable substitute. It turns out there is no substitute deserving of these two men. I like guys, truly, I do. It is usually what gets me in trouble; this is no kind of man-hating rant. I am going to just tell the story of an attempt to meet and date a guy who seemed perfectly awesome, then turned into a potential scam. A perfect mirage.  The second experience I had (douchebag #2 for the lack of a better word) was a different animal altogether. I will try to share both with the utmost of honesty and anonymity, all at the same time. Everything is true. Everything is my actual experience.

In truth, these events happened  a bit ago (in the last 12 months), but I am wanting to post the most honest experiences and here they are!

I am hoping that women my age all around this planet will have better luck than I did with these two! I am almost positive that these two are so unique, one could not have any other type of luck.  Like I said, I will leave out names and overly identifying information, but some information defines my experience and must not be left out. With Mr. Cairo, I felt that as a scam and facade, his “name” was unsearchable, unprovable. I feel  that sharing the name he gave me may help others avoid any time spent with him, so I will share that one ONLY!