I met this guy on a dating website, POF, if you must know. It’s been a while. Over the course of a year or three, we had exchanged messages and occasionally a cell text or two; it never amounted to much, mostly because he admitted he was not really interested in a Long Term Relationship. Fine. I respect his honesty at that time and nothing went forward although he tried to make plans. I’d then remind him he’s not looking for the same things I am.
Advance to last week. He now texts me (because we have advanced to cell phone texting exclusively) that he is definitely looking for a LTR. Great. We’re in business. He asks to make a date. Perfect. Then the true colors come out. Once again. “Do you have any sexy pics you can send me?”…Umm, NO?! “I have to warn you a lot of women can’t handle my sex drive.” And why are you telling me this after you say you’re seeking something more meaningful and haven’t even met me? That’s in my head of course. I don’t say anything. Mostly because there is no point. I already know where this is going. I am going to try to NOT assume my suspicions are right. Not right away.
Wait for it. Wait.for.it. It’s coming: Then it comes “I’ll bring an over night bag…you know, in case it goes well,” he texts. He texts in a kind of kidding way. Kind of. So I play along and say “Ha, no overnight bags at my place!” in an equally kidding text. Kind of. I was clear though, that an overnight would not be happening after this first meeting. He acts like this is no biggie….Until the rain comes. “The rain is crazy here. I don’t think I will be able to make it”. Really? Blame it on the rain?
I tell him this is no surprise; I knew he wasn’t ready for something real. Real relationships typically (not always, but typically) start with a meaningful foundation and good conversation. Of special note, he has been peppering the conversation to references of us being adults and we can do what we want. What “we” want? And what’s your point? Do adults just going around sleeping with strangers? Why, of course they do, I am sure…somewhere.
I’ve been there. Yep, I have. But the word ‘been’ refers to past tense. Now, it seems there is more that I am looking for and sleeping with someone doesn’t seem to be helping me get there. So I don’t. It’s that simple. No judgement. Just me trying something different to get to the LTR. In a Sex and The City episode, Carrie Bradshaw questions “Delayed gratification is a sign of maturity, no?”….and I think she’s on to something. You know for the rest of us adults out there…
So, I called him out on his half-assed desire for a LTR and how I am not planning on developing a relationship with sex as the foundation. I texted him that I wanted a far more substantial basis for our relationship. He said I was freaking him out and begged me to “just stop!”
I am done. Another guy who wants sex up front claiming they want a LTR. Really, he does. But sex first, because after all, “we” are consenting adults. Assuming I am consenting to a hook up and all. He’s definitely not the first, but his agenda has been by far the most blatant.
So, I went to bed.
The next morning, he sends a brief friendly text. I sent back a polite one word answer “Thanks”.
And that’s the end to this chapter of dating on POF.
Listening to Amy Winehouse’s Back To Black.