Tag: sex

A new hopeful

Back into the dating scene and completely exhausted. I’ve met a few guys so far. The first two were not viable options; the second of the two was downright obnoxious. He reminded me too much of the live in. This third one is definitely viable, though our relationship is as developed as a zygote.

I think I want to keep it as light as possible this time around compared with my last disaster! For one, the guy is laid back and there’s no pressure. That helps. I won’t lie. There are some other factors that play into the whole situation which makes this guy so appealing. He is 1 hour form me which means he won’t be over all the time. I enjoy his company very much; don’t get me wrong, but I want the summer to enjoy my friends and going out as well. He has his shit together and loves where he lives, so he won’t want to move in anytime soon……or ever. Bonus!  He also goes away for travel quite a bit, business and pleasure.  Sometimes on the weekend. This gives me time to get stuff done. With all this being said there are a few drawbacks to the whole situation.

There are times that I would have liked to see him, just to spend time getting to know each other in this initial phase. With the time differences in travel, its been awkward. I mean we got off to a good start then with time away and an inability to keep the spark when the spark needs to stay lit is a bit frustrating. I am thinking I can get over this soon,  He’ll be home this week and we may see each other for dinner toward the end of the week and spending some much needed quality time on Saturday.  I like that the relationship is light for now. I don’t know what he thinks of it; he’s so laid back, I imagine he thinks it is a pretty casual  situation. I think this is dating sans the intense togetherness. We have decided to be monogamous after sleeping together (after the FOURTH date),  I think. Maybe I need more clarification on the details, but that does not mean serious per se. More like safe. I think I will find out more this weekend. But for the first time in a very long time, I am NOT in a rush. It feels good. I think this is going to shape up to be a very fun summer!

Another thing: He knows I blog, but  he does not ask me about it. Ever. Never. I am not sure if this means he doesn’t care or if he lets me be with the privacy to write what I want, uncensored.

There’s a nice guy out there, right?

Is there someone who doesn’t expect sex on the first date or even the third? How about the guy who doesn’t even ask when he’s going to get it?

Someone that doesn’t care at all if you wear glasses in the morning?

Or the guy who  possesses a sense of boundaries, for your weak or even his own?

And he’s super nice and considerate. Because he lets you be you?

What if I told you I met someone like this?

And he’s not my type. Because my type lately has been sleazy douchebag.

I have a new type…because good guys should finish first.

Stay tuned! This is a work in progress.

 

Blame it on the rain (a.k.a. A short texting relationship)

I met this guy on a dating website, POF, if you must know.  It’s been a while. Over the course of a year or three, we had exchanged messages and occasionally a cell text or two; it never amounted to much, mostly because he admitted he was not really interested in a Long Term Relationship. Fine. I respect his honesty at that time and nothing went forward although he tried to make plans. I’d then remind him he’s not looking for the same things I am.

Advance to last week. He now texts me (because we have advanced to cell phone texting exclusively) that he is definitely looking for a LTR. Great. We’re in business. He asks to make a date. Perfect. Then the true colors come out. Once again. “Do you have any sexy pics you can send me?”…Umm, NO?!  “I have to warn you a lot of women can’t handle my sex drive.” And why are you telling me this after you say you’re seeking something more meaningful and haven’t even met me? That’s in my head of course. I don’t say anything. Mostly because there is no point. I already know where this is going. I am going to try to NOT assume my suspicions are right. Not right away.

Wait for it. Wait.for.it. It’s coming:  Then it comes “I’ll bring an over night bag…you know, in case it goes well,” he texts. He texts in a kind of kidding way. Kind of. So I play along and say “Ha, no overnight bags at my  place!” in an equally kidding text. Kind of. I was clear though, that an overnight would not be happening after this first meeting. He acts like this is no biggie….Until the rain comes. “The rain is crazy here. I don’t think I will be able to make it”.  Really? Blame it on the rain?

I tell him this is no surprise; I knew he wasn’t ready for something real. Real relationships typically (not always, but typically) start with a meaningful foundation and good conversation.  Of special note, he has been peppering the conversation to references of us being adults and we can do what we want. What “we” want? And what’s your point? Do adults just going around sleeping with strangers? Why, of course they do, I am sure…somewhere.

I’ve been there. Yep, I have. But the word ‘been’ refers to past tense. Now, it seems there is more that I am looking for and sleeping with someone doesn’t seem to be helping me get there. So I don’t. It’s that simple. No judgement.  Just me trying something different to get to the LTR.  In a Sex and The City episode, Carrie Bradshaw questions “Delayed gratification is a sign of maturity, no?”….and I think she’s on to something.  You know for the rest of us adults out there…

So, I called him out on his half-assed desire for a LTR and how I am not planning on developing a relationship with sex as the foundation. I texted him that I wanted a far more substantial basis for our relationship. He said I was freaking him out and begged me  to  “just stop!”

I am done. Another guy who wants sex up front claiming they want a LTR. Really, he does. But sex first, because after all, “we” are consenting adults. Assuming I am consenting to a hook up and all.   He’s definitely not the first, but his agenda has been by far the most blatant.

So, I went to bed.

The next morning, he sends a brief friendly text. I sent back a polite one word answer “Thanks”.

And that’s the end to this chapter of dating on POF.

 

Listening to Amy Winehouse’s Back To Black.

Apologies….

I realize that I did not post a Throwback Thursdays post this week. It is something I am considering to be an experiment. I am not sure how popular it is. I would l love to take a poll. So for all of my readers, please leave a comment if my Throwback Thursdays are worth keeping. The posts are usually some type of retelling of an escapade of dating gone terribly awry. Throwback Thursday 5: AA and the homeless guy is a recent example. So the a look. Let me know. I usually post about two to three times a week, Thursday being one of them. If this is something you look forward to reading, please leave me a comment. That would be awesome!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and stay tuned!

Symbiosis: Are the scales ever balanced?

via Daily Prompt: Symbiosis

Am I too cynical? When is symbiosis beneficial to both parties? I haven’t seen this often enough.  There is always some power play. Maybe we could be symbiotic in some equal-ish transfer of different contributions, money, emotional support, intellect, sex….the list goes on. The transfer can be fluid. I suppose if both people absolutely are equal in their need for the other’s contributions  to the relationship, then the symbiosis is copacetic. All good.

But when is it EVER a perfect balance of power? When we are so invested in the others success? Is it because our success depends too heavily on the others?  I wish I could think about all the lovely ecosystems and symbiosis in nature. That would be so cool here in the world of human behavior in relationships. It’s just now where my head goes.  My head goes to dysfunction in the so-called symbiosis of relationships I have seen (not just my own, mind you).

In human relationships (take your pick), when are the scaled perfectly balanced to create a genuine symbiosis?

 

Throwback Thursday 3: the “tape”

So I am taking you way back…..way back and I don’t even want to date myself, but I may have to. We are talking 1987. We are talking first boyfriend. If you could call him that. There are so many things I could say about this guy. I wouldn’t say they were great. I’d probably say that he was persistent, pressuring, chauvinistic, and a bit obnoxious. The kind of guy that would order meat for his vegetarian girlfriend in Portuguese at the D.C. Brazilian restaurant, simply because he was, yes, Brazilian. The kind that would break up with this girlfriend when she didn’t want to give in and sleep with him. She was a virgin for God’s sake. And no, I have no clue when I started writing in the third person. That’s annoying and I will stop now.

So as you can imagine at that tender time in my senior year of high school, I was more enamored at the idea a guy was spending time with me and paying attention to me at all. I was slightly (understatement of the year) unpopular. It was senior year and I was NOT going to take him to  prom just because I found a boyfriend. I had nothing to prove to those people. While the Brazilian and I were ever so briefly dating, he made me a  cassette tape. Not just any tape. An amazing tape of music of the times. And yes, we’re talking 11987. . The number one song I will always remember on that tape is by Erasure (Oh l’amour).  I have to go through my numerous boxes in storage and see if I still have it. I can’t remember or imagine getting rid of it. Who knew? Who knew that in 2017 I would still be in love with 80s music. If you know how to make cassette tapes into CD’s let me know! Please. I beg of you. It’s that awesome!

Needless to say about a week after he gave that cassette to me, he broke up with me because I wasn’t ready to sleep with him. That’s what he said anyway. But at least I got my tape. And I may still have it!

 

Music pairing: Erasure’s Oh l’amour, obviously!!