via Daily Prompt: Conquer
While I feel that this past Tuesday I did conquer my biggest financial hill, a chapter 13 bankruptcy, it felt so much truer when I saw the check clear in my checking account. I knew I had really done it. With a few people making sure someone paid (me), I now showed the its done. That battle is complete and I came out of it so much stronger than I ever could have hoped in a million years. Honestly, I thought it would conquer me. I felt so broken, so desperate for taking that route. Now I have one more battle; someone owes me some money. To make me quasi whole (financially). I realize today, I am whole and amazingly a better version of myself 5 years ago. I am going to fight the financial battle on principle. I didn’t give up before. I sure as hell won’t be giving up now.
I will CONQUER again!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
I am in a most most interesting mood. I feel like the most surreal thing is about to happen. I remember five years ago starting trudging the worst financial hill I have ever faced: a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. You know, the kind where you pay back a portion in monthly amounts equaling about 40% of your take home pay? I’m not kidding. I wasn’t sure if I had the fortitude to get through this . It was going to be tough.
Despite advice, I moved to live more cheaply. Did I save any more money? Of course not. I did however breathe and able to make ends meet with the help of support from friends and family. I am not just talking about financial support. I couldn’t believe them when they said “it will be over before you know it”, “five years is not forever”, “you’ll be fine”….the platitudes were sweet, but no, I didn’t believe any of it. It was the worst financial black cloud ever.
Did I get through it? YES! I am here to tel you, it is possible to get through a very dark period and finally be done with everything. Sure, I still have to wait for the discharge from the court which will come in a few months. But I am making my last payment Tuesday. I am ecstatic. My friends and family were right! I made it. It wasn’t forever. Yeah, it sucked. I am not to going to lie. It was hard, especially when I wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for my ex-husband. He happened to announce last summer to the court and all everyone interested that he was spending the summer in Antigua. I am working full-time to give 40% of my take home income to pay for something he never took responsibility for. Am I bitter? Yes, but I should be. I get to these points recently where I just want to put the whole thing behind me, but I get angry sometimes. I get resentful.And him going to Antigua, not owning up to his responsibility (the reason I am in bankruptcy) is hard to hear sometimes. Just saying.
Do I share these feelings of bitterness and resentment with friends and family? Yes. A therapist? Absolutely yes. The end is near and they were all right….its going to be just fine. In fact, it already is.
If you are facing something that you don’t think you can possibly muster up the strength for, leave me a comment. Perhaps I can share specific things I did to get through this five-year dark cloud.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Music paring: The soundtrack from the remake of The Saint (1997). You can listen to the likes of Moby, Sneaker Pimps, Luscious Jackson and others.