So I have been rethinking a lot of what I have believed most of my adult life. I got my Doctorate. I began my career when I was 30 years old (though I have been working since I was 16 years old and neighborhood jobs before that). I have only stopped once and that’s when I got married and took 1 year and 9 months off to explore the country.
But here I am working away. I love what I do; don’t get me wrong, but I do feel that I work hard. With this, came my sense of deserving. I deserved to work hard, play hard. I deserved to travel. Most importantly, I deserved to have nice things. I certainly have a retirement plan and ancillary funds for “later in life”. I felt set. So, off I went. Acquiring things….like things I perceived as nice: Tiffany, designer handbags, decent shoes (nothing crazy, but Freebird boots aren’t cheap), and nice cars. Then nicer cars. I started traveling when I was 30. Small stuff..Mexico trips with my female friends and boyfriends. I got a time share and visited the Bahamas a few times. Then more recently (since 2017), trips to Europe and cruises. And more Louis Vuitton and Tiffany. And so it goes. Until I stunned myself into a stark reality in the past few weeks. I want to retire soon (well, in 10 years). And I am no where near ready. Sure, I still have my retirement funds. Yes, plural. But, alas, not enough. I took stock of what I had. In my newly acquired townhouse closet. Ohmygod….it mortified me.
What the fuck am I doing? I don’t regret anything. Well, mostly anything. I don’t regret my travel experiences. At all. Do I regret the purses and shoes that aren’t even comfortable anymore? Do I regret the jewelry that I somehow collected from Tiffany, Cartier and John Atencio over the past 10-15 years? Well, it’s not Harry Winston of course, but did I need it? No. I will say there are a few pieces I bought in Europe and they are special; I wear them every day. Those are memories and I will never regret those. But, I don’t need the purchases that have no rhyme or reason. Why and how did this happen?
I have a pretty good idea and I said it before. I deserved it. I worked hard. I wanted to show myself I worked especially hard. The problem is I put that effort in the wrong place. What do I do now that I want to retire? Thinking about redesigning my retirement plans actually really motivates me to make new choices. The plan for success does not lie in what I have in front of me, in my closet. It is the cash stacked up in the bank, in my retirement fund, in my IRA. That’s what I equate with success now; not only does that make sense at my age, but it is abso-fucking-lutely mandatory. So where do I go from here?
I have a collection of barely worn shoes and jewelry that I plan on selling. I think the Feng shui of this crap is polluting my sense of the future and clean thinking. After I sell this stuff and Goodwill my larger sized clothes (next blog is ob my weight loss journey), I will be much more intentional in my purchases. As far as the luxury car, I am going to figure out the best economical plan when the lease is up. If it is less expensive to buy it out than buy a more responsible car (think Toyota, Volkswagen, Honda), I will do so. I will not lease again. Money lost. I did that just so I could afford the nicer cars monthly. I want to buy a car so I will have no monthly payments when I retire. I am buckling down. I am getting serious. I am actually enjoying this. Success is in the bank, not in my closet.
Now, is luxury overrated? No. I don’t think so. If you can afford it. If you can buy this stuff and still put the appropriate money in the bank and retire WHEN you WANT to, then all is good. I just could not do both. So here I am. And I am happier than I have ever been about my material existence. But, for the record, I am NOT giving up travel. Ever.
Brilliant Distraction 