Happy new years!

I want to wish you all a happy new years! Please, 2017, just get here!!

I realize that I have announced my three-part series on what my marriage taught me, but have not yet posted. I became a little distracted by two other issues that I will call real life issues; I want to occasionally have a real life series as well. I knew that I wouldn’t have  a shortage of topics. I am so  grateful the writer in me has a lot to say. I just don’t want to make promises about upcoming posts that don’t get written quite as quickly as I had anticipated. I just seem to simultaneously want to unleash as much as possible. That’s my conflict and writer’s struggle!

So far my real life issue topics:

Sexual assault and consent (at any age)

Bullying (old school, cyber….)

There’s more that will come up, I am sure, but those are the ones that speak to me now.

Please be patient and if you have a preference before this Tuesday, please let me know which of these topics should I write on first? Should I write on both then move on to a consecutive posting on my three-part series?

Please comment on any preferences on how /what order I present? Otherwise, I guess we will all be surprised!!

 

Paired music selection right now: I am listening to Tori Amos (Little Earthquakes). I saw her at Red Rocks and at DU. Powerful musician. This album says a lot for me about the real life issues I mentioned above. She’s what’s on my mind now.

If you are out and about please be careful.

If you are at home, be good to yourself and sleep well.

 

HAPPY 2017!

 

 

Good secrets, bad secrets…: My introduction to a three part series on what my marriage taught me

Are secrets okay? Are we only as sick as our secrets? Why do we keep secrets? I feel that sometimes we keep other people’s secrets and some of our own to preserve a bit of privacy and dignity, some self-respect and a dash of mystery.  We keep secrets about  arriving baby gender, relationships (of any type), opinions on work, money and politics.  We do this to keep the peace and keep our opinions and personal history to ourselves. Is there anything wrong with this?  Other times, our secrets aren’t based in any nobility.

Our other secrets are not based on dignity, respect or privacy.  These secrets  build upon each other, slowly growing till they get so big. Then   airing out  these well-kept skeletons is so daunting, it’s scary. Super scary. If we wait long enough, the secrets create a solid icon clad wall. The wall is fused with pride, fear, and  insecurity including financial and emotional. To get through this from the inside out we have to be strong. SO strong.  This is the part that can really suck. Like.Really.Suck.  We can’t expect others to get in if we can’t even get out. These are the secrets that make us sick and poisoned inside. Poisoned by the pride that makes us feel that we are better than you. The toxic insecurity that makes you NEVER as good as.  These secrets that destroy us. Unless…..

Unless we can talk or write or get out alive. This is why I want to write about what my marriage taught me. I can write about it.  I want to share it because if it gives you pause, if it makes you think about how you view  something sour and wretched and awful, then I say thank you. I have done my job writing this three part post series:

Part I: What my marriage taught me about my relationship with money

Part II: What my marriage taught me about fear

Part III: What my marriage taught me about me and future interpersonal/romantic relationships

 *****************************

I am going to ask for your input, your experience,  how your last relationship prepared you for the next one!
Stay tuned!!

On writing fiction

Do I dare? Do I take a complete risk?  I have no fiction writing experience, but I want to write. I know that I have material for my blogs and my plans for a few memoirs (literally three life experiences that could each take up a book), but fiction?

Plot lines, premise, main characters, story interest and relevance? Is this really any different than a well written memoir? I don’t think so. I can’t NOT write. I can’t NOT put myself out there.

Thank you. You’ve helped me answer my own question!

Have an awesome weekend!!

With a little help from my friends

Its been a crazy week, but I am glad to be back here. I have been working on a very special project, my gift to myself in 2017. I am going to Paris in September (sounds amazing just writing it…makes it real, palpable). I just spent the last week or so arranging flights that were gifted to me.  For that, I am beyond beholden to a few people; they know who they are. I have no words beyond that pure gratitude expressed to those people.  I then arranged to lease an apartment through a personal Parisian connection. Things are coming together nicely and I couldn’t be happier.  After a five-year bankruptcy due to a marriage that I’ve alluded to here and there, I realize I do have wings. I am going to fly.

The last five years have been rough. I am not going to lie. Its been hard. Yes, that hard and then a little more.  I have worked meticulously to  not live in misery and resentment. I vowed that I wouldn’t give my ex-husband that much power.I refuse to let him ruin my whole life. Financially, yes, I was screwed. I did not allow him to cloud my behavior, my judgment, my opportunities because he captured my pocketbook. I refused. I wasn’t going to stand for it.  This five-year period ends March 31, 2017. Yes, I think I am going to celebrate it. I worked hard for the party, so why not!

So clearly,  I didn’t do this on my own.  There is no way I could have sustained a workable, breathable,  and tolerable existence  seeking  simple vindication and  complex and continuous court orders without the help of family and friends….and yes… a pretty decent therapist. I told you from this blog’s inception that I would be as honest I could be  here. The provenance of its inspiration is  my heart and sometimes my mind if my heart doesn’t see clearly. I don’t get to say I did this on my own. I did it. Yes, I did. But with a little , no, a lot of help from my friends.

My voyage to Paris is the culmination of my focus in this last year: travel dreams, new language acquisition, and new goals.

Thank you everyone for being here and reading and joining in my experience.

Please comment and let me and my readers know where you went on your most meaningful geographic journey. Tell me why it was so meaningful.

I am here and can’t wait to read!

THINK: It’s the wave of the future (we can only hope)!

I have inherited this bit of wisdom from someone who shared this  at an AA meeting. Yes, I thought at one time that I was an alcoholic; I was dreadfully wrong and that’s a completely different post and probably a book. Stay tuned on that!

When we think we are being honest, we can think of brutal honesty: “Your Christmas sweater is kinda hideous”. We think of rigorous honesty: “I think we should return this lost wallet to lost and found”.  Then we have the honesty that comes with trust.  All in all, these are more or less levels of trust that grow with time.  However, the everyday honesty that flies out of our mouth in the name of integrity could use a little help. I know when I heard this acronym at the meeting, I would  never forget it. I have been honest to a fault. And I don’t mean that false modesty honesty…”Oh, I just tell people all my personal thoughts” type of thing that comes with regret.  I share with rigorous honesty here as I do try to keep things anonymous.
This is the deal; THINK before you talk. THINK before you post on Facebook or Tweet on Twitter. Nike says “Just do it” and I think they are on to something!

T: Is it Thoughtful? Have you formed an insightful idea on why this needs to be said?

H: Is it Honest (Is it really?) or something else with other motives?

I:Is it Important? Does it need to be said?

N: Is it Necessary? Will your statement help someone in a positive way?

K: Is it Kind? Do you really need to make someone feel less than with your intended statement?

 

This checklist was invaluable for a former “little miss can’t be wrong” like my self. It is humbling. It creates an idea of pure humility and intention. We think twice and say it once. We think carefully and it becomes second nature.  This worked for me. I don’t take myself as seriously when I know I am not trying to teach people lessons with lectures that are neither Necessary or Kind. I don’t think that my clothes are better than someone else’s choices when I  am being Thoughtful and Kind. It works if you work it: That’s just one more thing I learned in my time at AA.

Does a prolific writer make a prolific texter?

I tend to text a lot. You may even say I text too much and too often. I  know I have gotten multiple comments about this from family and friends. Its valid. I am prolific. And according to one failed relationship: excessive and obnoxious.  Thanks,  sir. I will definitely work on that. I have realized that perhaps this is because I feel I have a lot to express, but also because I keep having new thoughts. They do NOT belong in excessive and frequent texts. They belong in one or two though out texts. Of course, I know this. Then I keep writing extensive  in little text bubbles. They call them paragraphs and they don’t belong in text bubbles.

Is it the chicken before the egg or the other way around? Am I  a writer who texts too much or a texter who decided she had a lot to say and started to become a writer?!

If you are a writer, do you tend to text extensively with prolific paragraphs of random thoughts? Or just the brief comments since you know your writing belongs elsewhere? What’s the pattern here?