Sorry for the radio silence…new ideas are percolating!

I have taken a week off and it feels so quiet to not be writing. I have also had a lull. I have had a case of writer’s block, or blogger’s block, as the case may be.  Then I kept thinking of all these ideas during my attacks of insomnia. I am back!!

I hope no one thought I would be one of those bloggers that has a site up for 3-6 months and then just loses interest. Definitely not the case.  I have been doing a lot of work out like posts and that’s because my relationship with myself has been first and foremost in my mind as far as really dedicating myself to self-care.  I have some ideas about posts on friendships, because after all, this is a blog about relationships and I want to introduce all types, including the one I have with myself and my female and male friends.  I wanted to also post about the importance of our reltatioinships and connections with our pets.  

I have also been paying a lot of attention to the music I have been listening to, becoming inspired by those influences s well.. 

Please leave me a comment if there are any relationships I haven’t mentioned or you would like to hear about.
Music pairing: The music I have been listening during my waking hours the last week or two is from In The Valley Below and their debut album “The Belt”. 

Fiction is not in my wheelhouse

 

I decided that I could not attempt that fiction short story. I can’t seem to write what I don’t know. I can’t seem to stray far from my truth and my experience. So, this brings me to my quandary. I have been working on blogging before moving to writing a memoir.

I have learned invaluable nuggets from blogging and reading about writing. And reading others’ writings. I have learned that some memoirs may be too sensitive to write and particularly to publish. I don’t know much about this as I just started blogging in September. I don’t want to be discouraged by those who say I should fictionalize my memoir, telling me   it would sell better and easier. Plus, I wouldn’t have as much to worry about. Is this true? Or am I just following a group of lemmings? I feel that I want to write more than a fictionalized account of my story. If I soften the edges,  I feel that I am softening the hard truth which is stranger than fiction anyway.  Blunting the damage. I get there could be legal ramifications.  I certainly understand I will  have people to answer to. While I can wrap my head around  all that, I feel unstoppable. Am I being realistic? Unrealistic? Ridiculous? To be told in a book I just bought that if I am a blogger, I am not a writer was discouraging. Is it even true? I don’t even know if I want to finish reading it.  I think that right now, I am a novice searching for answers.

SO people: If you are a blogger, but you consider yourself a writer, please let me know being a writer and a blogger is possible. If you are a writer of memoir(s) or fiction novels, please  let me know what you think of all my doubt and questioning.  I am such a  neophyte, humble and ready for comments and feedback. I once got incredible advice from an author of multiple fiction novels. He told me  in person not to write for anybody else. Write for me and write the truth. All the time. Thank you for that. I’m a sponge and I’ll soak it all in. Show me what you’ve got. I beg of you!

 

Music pairing: Hold On  & Good Enough  by Sarah McLachlan

Happy new years!

I want to wish you all a happy new years! Please, 2017, just get here!!

I realize that I have announced my three-part series on what my marriage taught me, but have not yet posted. I became a little distracted by two other issues that I will call real life issues; I want to occasionally have a real life series as well. I knew that I wouldn’t have  a shortage of topics. I am so  grateful the writer in me has a lot to say. I just don’t want to make promises about upcoming posts that don’t get written quite as quickly as I had anticipated. I just seem to simultaneously want to unleash as much as possible. That’s my conflict and writer’s struggle!

So far my real life issue topics:

Sexual assault and consent (at any age)

Bullying (old school, cyber….)

There’s more that will come up, I am sure, but those are the ones that speak to me now.

Please be patient and if you have a preference before this Tuesday, please let me know which of these topics should I write on first? Should I write on both then move on to a consecutive posting on my three-part series?

Please comment on any preferences on how /what order I present? Otherwise, I guess we will all be surprised!!

 

Paired music selection right now: I am listening to Tori Amos (Little Earthquakes). I saw her at Red Rocks and at DU. Powerful musician. This album says a lot for me about the real life issues I mentioned above. She’s what’s on my mind now.

If you are out and about please be careful.

If you are at home, be good to yourself and sleep well.

 

HAPPY 2017!

 

 

Good secrets, bad secrets…: My introduction to a three part series on what my marriage taught me

Are secrets okay? Are we only as sick as our secrets? Why do we keep secrets? I feel that sometimes we keep other people’s secrets and some of our own to preserve a bit of privacy and dignity, some self-respect and a dash of mystery.  We keep secrets about  arriving baby gender, relationships (of any type), opinions on work, money and politics.  We do this to keep the peace and keep our opinions and personal history to ourselves. Is there anything wrong with this?  Other times, our secrets aren’t based in any nobility.

Our other secrets are not based on dignity, respect or privacy.  These secrets  build upon each other, slowly growing till they get so big. Then   airing out  these well-kept skeletons is so daunting, it’s scary. Super scary. If we wait long enough, the secrets create a solid icon clad wall. The wall is fused with pride, fear, and  insecurity including financial and emotional. To get through this from the inside out we have to be strong. SO strong.  This is the part that can really suck. Like.Really.Suck.  We can’t expect others to get in if we can’t even get out. These are the secrets that make us sick and poisoned inside. Poisoned by the pride that makes us feel that we are better than you. The toxic insecurity that makes you NEVER as good as.  These secrets that destroy us. Unless…..

Unless we can talk or write or get out alive. This is why I want to write about what my marriage taught me. I can write about it.  I want to share it because if it gives you pause, if it makes you think about how you view  something sour and wretched and awful, then I say thank you. I have done my job writing this three part post series:

Part I: What my marriage taught me about my relationship with money

Part II: What my marriage taught me about fear

Part III: What my marriage taught me about me and future interpersonal/romantic relationships

 *****************************

I am going to ask for your input, your experience,  how your last relationship prepared you for the next one!
Stay tuned!!

On writing fiction

Do I dare? Do I take a complete risk?  I have no fiction writing experience, but I want to write. I know that I have material for my blogs and my plans for a few memoirs (literally three life experiences that could each take up a book), but fiction?

Plot lines, premise, main characters, story interest and relevance? Is this really any different than a well written memoir? I don’t think so. I can’t NOT write. I can’t NOT put myself out there.

Thank you. You’ve helped me answer my own question!

Have an awesome weekend!!

With a little help from my friends

Its been a crazy week, but I am glad to be back here. I have been working on a very special project, my gift to myself in 2017. I am going to Paris in September (sounds amazing just writing it…makes it real, palpable). I just spent the last week or so arranging flights that were gifted to me.  For that, I am beyond beholden to a few people; they know who they are. I have no words beyond that pure gratitude expressed to those people.  I then arranged to lease an apartment through a personal Parisian connection. Things are coming together nicely and I couldn’t be happier.  After a five-year bankruptcy due to a marriage that I’ve alluded to here and there, I realize I do have wings. I am going to fly.

The last five years have been rough. I am not going to lie. Its been hard. Yes, that hard and then a little more.  I have worked meticulously to  not live in misery and resentment. I vowed that I wouldn’t give my ex-husband that much power.I refuse to let him ruin my whole life. Financially, yes, I was screwed. I did not allow him to cloud my behavior, my judgment, my opportunities because he captured my pocketbook. I refused. I wasn’t going to stand for it.  This five-year period ends March 31, 2017. Yes, I think I am going to celebrate it. I worked hard for the party, so why not!

So clearly,  I didn’t do this on my own.  There is no way I could have sustained a workable, breathable,  and tolerable existence  seeking  simple vindication and  complex and continuous court orders without the help of family and friends….and yes… a pretty decent therapist. I told you from this blog’s inception that I would be as honest I could be  here. The provenance of its inspiration is  my heart and sometimes my mind if my heart doesn’t see clearly. I don’t get to say I did this on my own. I did it. Yes, I did. But with a little , no, a lot of help from my friends.

My voyage to Paris is the culmination of my focus in this last year: travel dreams, new language acquisition, and new goals.

Thank you everyone for being here and reading and joining in my experience.

Please comment and let me and my readers know where you went on your most meaningful geographic journey. Tell me why it was so meaningful.

I am here and can’t wait to read!

THINK: It’s the wave of the future (we can only hope)!

I have inherited this bit of wisdom from someone who shared this  at an AA meeting. Yes, I thought at one time that I was an alcoholic; I was dreadfully wrong and that’s a completely different post and probably a book. Stay tuned on that!

When we think we are being honest, we can think of brutal honesty: “Your Christmas sweater is kinda hideous”. We think of rigorous honesty: “I think we should return this lost wallet to lost and found”.  Then we have the honesty that comes with trust.  All in all, these are more or less levels of trust that grow with time.  However, the everyday honesty that flies out of our mouth in the name of integrity could use a little help. I know when I heard this acronym at the meeting, I would  never forget it. I have been honest to a fault. And I don’t mean that false modesty honesty…”Oh, I just tell people all my personal thoughts” type of thing that comes with regret.  I share with rigorous honesty here as I do try to keep things anonymous.
This is the deal; THINK before you talk. THINK before you post on Facebook or Tweet on Twitter. Nike says “Just do it” and I think they are on to something!

T: Is it Thoughtful? Have you formed an insightful idea on why this needs to be said?

H: Is it Honest (Is it really?) or something else with other motives?

I:Is it Important? Does it need to be said?

N: Is it Necessary? Will your statement help someone in a positive way?

K: Is it Kind? Do you really need to make someone feel less than with your intended statement?

 

This checklist was invaluable for a former “little miss can’t be wrong” like my self. It is humbling. It creates an idea of pure humility and intention. We think twice and say it once. We think carefully and it becomes second nature.  This worked for me. I don’t take myself as seriously when I know I am not trying to teach people lessons with lectures that are neither Necessary or Kind. I don’t think that my clothes are better than someone else’s choices when I  am being Thoughtful and Kind. It works if you work it: That’s just one more thing I learned in my time at AA.