Douchebag #2: The Shake-Up

Ironically, these douchebags could not have come at a better time; back to back they came and snuck up on me, and perhaps, due to my most recent experience, I had way less tolerance for douchebaggery in my future. I met this person actually before my last text to Mr. Cairo. I had never met Mr. Cairo, so honestly, I felt it was perfectly acceptable to move forward.
This is another quasi-long post: enjoy the ride!!

I even got off the Internet long enough to meet this new guy in person, at a Meet-Up no less. One would think we had common interests. A love of France anyway.  The first night I met this guy, we shared an instant interest in France, Paris specifically. After my first meet up there, we went out for a late bite to eat and talked about general life (work, life, Paris) and we talked for two hours.  Good start, or so I thought.  We even made plans for the next day’s planned Meet-Up. We would go to a movie afterward. So after two glasses of wine, we went to the movies and discovered the wrong time was on the site. We went back to his house in the general Cherry Creek area.  On paper, this guy was stable and well situated (nice car, nice career, great real estate). On paper. I will tell you, by the time we were watching The Godfather, there were small annoyances, though no deal breakers. He kept telling me facts about the Godfather and informed me this was an epic film (Really?). He informed me of other facts that every self-respecting film lover knows. When I got tired, I could not drive home that late with a few too many drinks (though I am sure that wine had already been metabolized and the beer at his place was not significant).  I spent the night and the next morning,  I left feeling in my gut, this was a mistake. I had no clue how big of a mistake that was. He was already critiquing me. Yeah, highly annoying.  I am totally fine with constructive criticism,  though it’s usually better coming from someone who actually knows me. But whatever.  So we decided that we would do something that next weekend on Saturday.  Despite that gut feeling,  I went ahead and thought, maybe I am being too sensitive. Maybe,  I am interrupting him too much when he told me that he is not done talking.  Well……

That next Saturday, I was in charge of bringing the wine. I decided to bring a nice red from Coppola’s collection, specifically as an homage to our  recent Godfather viewing.  I got to his house on time and as he opened the wine, he educated me that Coppola actually directed The Godfather that we had just seen. No shit Sherlock!Jesus!  Did he merely think that was a coincidence? I said “yeah, that’s why  I brought it”. I guess I could not let that go!  So we ended up watching The Godfather in its totality and started Apocalypse Now. We didn’t completely finish that, but with 1.5 long movies under our belts, I was quite sleepy.  What followed was fairly disappointing and not too impressive. I was really just wanting to sleep. The next morning,  I woke up literally  receiving a lecture about cancer with a side of autism at 0800 in the morming.  I had NO idea what was in store for me. I woke up with severe chest cold. Ugh, then I was unprepared for the lecture of a lifetime.

I have no clue who would think cancer and autism are appropriate topics for Sunday morning not even out of bed talk. So at 7:30 am, this man starts to talk about autism and cancer; it is all a blur now, so I can’t remember the order. I can tell you this was in no way a conversation. A lecture maybe with a limited Q & A session after. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. I get that. Though, I have to say most people don’t have an “opinion” on what cancer actually is. That’s typically agreed up on prior to a discussion on some type of medical diagnosis, biopsy, and treatment. According to the man, cancer is a lot of residue that just builds up. It builds up and you get cancer. Very simple. This explains why people who conduct lives that are not as healthy get cancer. We are not even talking about lung cancer causality with cigarette smoking and the like. We are talking about all the cancer “residue” that builds up and then you get cancer, usually based on lifestyle. However, “we” are not talking. He is. Only the man is talking. When I started to interject with something related to globally accepted fact about cancer, he reminded me to “not interrupt” while he is talking and I will “get an  opportunity when he is done”. Hmmm. At 8 in the morning, no less. This goes on maybe 30-45 minutes.  Fascinating. Fascinating how someone is so convinced their opinion of cancer is fact. Though doesn’t seem to be a fact accepted by any medical professional globally. It gets better. He has a “solution” for those battling cancer. Lucky them.

He continues to lecture that the powerful solution  is in his mind. He has a cure for cancer (the residue, remember). That solution is a “shake up drink”. It is “explosive”. It will really disrupt all the residue and remove it from the body. Over a course of days, weeks or a month.  He does not have the details at this point or even the ingredients of the shake up drink, for that matter. But, the man will tell  you that it will work. He informed me in the latter part of this lecture series that ‘those with cancer will need to know that this is explosive”. No pain, no gain, he says. Not sure if they will be able to “handle it”.  Seriously? Holy crap.  When he was done lecturing on the finer points of residue build up, lifestyle choices leading to cancer (from residue) and the shake up drink,  I was allowed to provide feedback. A rebuttal seemed like a more appropriate response.  Of course, I had to address the issues of lifestyles causing cancer. Sure smoking can lead to lung cancer, but this “discussion” was not about that particular and commomly documented causality.

So I proceeded to ask him: What about the healthy people who get cancer? What do you think people with cancer deal with when they endure chemotherapy and radiation? No pain, no gain. I told him that’s  ridiculous. I think most people battling cancer with chemo and radiation are familiar with hardships in treatment. I asked him if he understood that basic fact. Then what about the children with cancer? If this residue that accumulates to become cancer is a result of lifestyle choices, how are the children barely walking and still nursing and eating baby food getting cancer? From this residue that accumulates?

The man looked at me, formulating a response that made sense in his mind. Well,  he stated simply the residue is passed on from the child’s  mom before birth. It is the mom’s fault. Of course. Then of course,  I asked about the baby’s cancer solution “the shake up formula”? He said “exactly”. Then he started talking about autism. It is unacceptable to have pregnant women travel on airplanes as that causes autism. Obviously.

So I ended this whole diatribe and said “I think I need to go now. I think we will need to agree to disagree on all this discussion.”  He said “yes-for now”. Wow. Okay.  My chest cold just got worse.
Later that week….
After losing a few days of work and a very greedy narcissistic telephone  convo with the man on Thursday that week,  I was not sure I wanted to see him again…I determined that while he stated he was the “most considerate man on the planet” with respect to my being sick, I suspected that was not quite the truth. Particularly when said my throat really hurt and he kept me on the phone more than an hour. Granted, I should have just told him I  needed to get off the phone and hang up. I get that. Loud and clear. At the end of this most painful conversation to date (until my last one with the man), he tells me he is “capable of killing” with absolutely no context other than us talking about our exes. Then he said it again. “I am capable of killing”. I was quite uncomfortable and told him soon after, within minutes, that I really needed to get stuff done.  The next week, he called on Thursday and I had mustered up enough courage to break things off immediately upon answering the phone.

If only it was that easy. It should have been. I should have been able to say “I don’t think we should hang out anymore” with an ok, good luck” response. Instead I  was asked to describe the reasons for my decision. One by one. Cancer. autism, being capable of killing. That really got him. He really let me have it. After saying he was “joking” about that “…killing” comment, I said  I didn’t get the punchline.I told him I was not all clear on the hilarity of being capable of killing. Then he got very upset and went on a rant about a family tragedy and that if I wasn’t comfortable  with that comment, I should have asked him more questions. Honestly, at the time, I felt if someone is tellig me they are capable of killing, no more questions are needed. I am quite done. Quite. He then went to the other side of spectrum and said that killing is no laughing matter and that I should have asked him why he said that. I told him that it was not likely that I felt the need to explore this comment on killing and that, an hour after the start of this conversation, I felt I was very done with this conversation.

“You are making a very big mistake. I only hope that when you realize that, you will be able to apologize to me”. Awesome. I will get right on that.

Quite done.
That was my last conversation.
I really thought I was completely done with the creeps. I thought the douchebags were in my rear view mirror.
I was so wrong.
The next one creeped in  shortly after.
I guess douchebags, along with other bad things, happen in threes.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend all!

Author: Alyssa

I blog on brilliantdistraction.com about relationships, friendships, and the art of genuine integrity and character! Come visit me!

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