There’s something missing…: Part I

So, I have had enough drama to last a very long time. I feel that every single minute of dating and married life carries with it some kind of drama. I get so involved in the intrigue of it all. Then, things seems to go so quickly, so damn hot and heavy, I can hardly keep up. Then what  happens? What do you think happens? Routine and expectations. What the hell…they just come out of nowhere.. For me,  it usually involves expectations that I set unreasonably. The bar is so high, an Olympic pole vaulter would have no change for Gold. Yet, I put it there, up high in the sky. Am I sabotaging myself? Am I ruining any possibility for a viable relationship? Probably. As soon as expectations are in place, things go bad. Very bad. Is it because I start perseverating on details that are not critical, because I want  things my way, I  wanted things to go well. I didn’t know why they  never did.

Things end. They always do.  I remember when I was dating my ex-husband. I didn’t mind it so much. I was at a period in my life where I was not drinking alcohol. I thought I had a problem with it (I didn’t), so I was in AA. I met him there (which I may have mentioned before). LIfe was NEVER boring.  I always was in a situation of some sort. This time,  it was the angry boyfriend from AA. Back then, during our dating period, I could just leave his home when he was being temperamental (and that’s being generous!).  Then I married the angry boyfriend in 2009. Never a dull moment. Mostly something was more or less always crashing around me: his patience, my patience, the refrigerator contents, the patio door, you name it.  It probably crashed.  Then he got sober. There was never a predictable moment. I must have had more expectations for this marriage that could not have been met. Then eventually, the only expectation I  always had was that I would always be safe and it would never get “that bad”.

Well, it got that bad. I was forced to lower my expectations and stay with someone who was bound to drink again or leave. I did not actually want to leave. I wanted to work out the problems, oddly enough. He didn’t.  And he didn’t want to be with me apparently. Fair enough. He was starting to scare me. There are a ton of details that will come in future posts, but right now, suffice it to say: The Drama Ended. At least for a minute. Don’t worry, it picked up right after I left and moved back to Denver.  Our relationship pretty much ended right there. The divorce came 6 months later.

I had enough of the relationship drama to last me a while (the other drama was financial messiness that had nothing to do with me). I did not date for a year. I needed time for me.  That was probably one of the smartest things I have done in a long time. For me. Besides quitting smoking of course, which happened two years later.

Stay tuned: the drama and expectations continue with dating stories that I have told here.  They will make more sense now that my propensity for drama was at an all time high. I thought it was low, so low, from what I had been through with my ex. My zero tolerance policy for drama did not come till later.

 

Music Pairing: Concrete Blonde’s Joey. Because it fits.

Author: Alyssa

I blog on brilliantdistraction.com about relationships, friendships, and the art of genuine integrity and character! Come visit me!

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