Back after extended holiday…

Did everyone have a good holiday? Or at least a decent one? Was it hard with family?

I know I have not blogged in a week. I was all ready to post a few updates and new topics last weekend and I had the worst headache. Ugh. After missing two days of work, I started to feel better and started to think about a few things I would like to address here.

Out of respect to my last relationship, I promised no more talk of that. I learned something about that and writing about a current relationship. I have so much to share, that I am not too worried if the significant other wants me to keep our relationship private and white anonymous, wants me to keep it all together  off the internet. That was my last lesson learned. I will bring that with me going forward. I will still talk about the lessons learned, the heart ache of every good and bad relationship. It just may not be the one I happen to be in at the time. It will be up to that person and with utmost respect, I will follow his lead to determine where the content goes.

I want to hear from other bloggers who write non fiction narrative and memoir like posts. Is it hard to write that content and keep people out of the limelight? I thought I was writing anonymously, but it can be a bit peculiar when you see yourself online, I am sure, even when no one else knows it’s you, except  perhaps close family and friends. Please comment and share with me your experiences regarding real life  events and expressing them here for all to see.

I look forward to hearing your comments and could definitely use the feed back!

 

 

 

Remembering me?

So I had a great walk with a male  friend I have known for over a decade. We talked about our current relationships, both of which were initiated on the internet. Both of our relationships are flourishing. They are so different though. It is amazing to get a reminder from the people we know well to remember ourselves and our needs. I must tell you, because it may matter to some of you, but my friend and I have been platonic from the get go. Nothing, no hook up, no kiss, no first date. Never happened. He’s just more like a slightly older brother who will talk to me real like and give me the hard truth.

I tell him about some of the things my guy told me in the beginning and things I learned about what to talk about and not talk about (he didn’t tell me, he just reported what went well and not so well in past relationships where his kids were concerned–I just took note). My friend had to remind me “but you do love your dog and love to talk about him? Are you changing who you are and what you talk about  because of him?”. He was being kind, not harsh. My friend knows me. For over ten years. New guy has known me for maybe ten dates.  I told my friend, as I truly believed it yesterday, that it is not a big deal…I can go slow and be careful of what I talk about with he kids. I barely talk to them anyway, because one of them feels I am overbearing when I barrage her with questions. I can’t even think of a double barreled interrogation at this time, but whatever. Now its just “hi” or “can you pass the parmesan cheese”…minimal.  I take the lead from him. My friend reminds to be my own person.  We need friends like this.  And of course, I tell him my truths and perceptions about this relationships.  Because that’s the kind of friendship we have.

 

Remember YOU in the relationship. What do you need? Who are you? I posted last time about considering the other person’s feelings. For sure. We definitely need to learn and remember that. But never lose yourself in the process. Never.

 

I would love to hear from all of you about your experience navigating a new relationship (even and especially if you are married or still with them now), learning more about yourself and what happened when you temporarily forgot YOU? And if you can straighten out my whole language conundrum between Like & Love in French. That would be cool too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody will love you like me

 

I had a very interesting short-term texting relationship lately. I met this guy on POF. Many of the guys on this site very interested in being pen-pals or texting friends. Every time I mention an actual meeting with someone I meet, it’s as if I run into absolute aversion. “Not that! Don’t make me actually  have contact,” they seem to be saying. When I question their ability to meet and why they are so uninterested in an actual date, they are unable to come up with really good reasons. I am not looking for a pen-pal or text friend, but I ran into one anyway.

I don’t even know how to describe this guy. The first night we actually texted  (mind  you, never a phone call), I asked him if his profile was true, that he was actually looking for a wife. He said yes and that he talked about me fulfilling the wife role. When I asked him about that, he said he was just joking. What started as a weird beginning got way more bizarre.

I explained to him in a subsequent texting conversation  the next day about my drug/no marijuana stance. He then went on a judgmental tirade against all marijuana users and their lifestyle. Which is not exactly what I was getting at. But anyway, I trudge on to determine why he is so judgmental.  This would have been the first time I should have actually ceased the relationship. Period. He acts as if I should be insulting the marijuana  users simply because I do not date those who use. He called me a hypocrite. Not totally accurate there. I discern who is in my social circle, but I don’t need to judge every marijuana user on the planet. When he starts adding in that he does not hang out with any “sickly” people in general, it begs the question of “physical, mental, all ages…really?”. When he texted back “all of the above”, I told him this  really won’t work. I have friends and relatives with different medical and mental health disorders, and I have had my share of medical melodrama as well.  I  stop texting him. Which is all good and fine until that evening.

He texts me later that evening and starts in on some mighty bizarre topics about his ability to find women with no effort, sending me an example of some such woman. We all know he didn’t send me a real photo of someone he knows, but of some horrid stock  photo from the internet. Not surprising as there are pics for the taking. But if you are going to brag about the women you are able to “get”, why wouldn’t you choose an attractive woman? Beautiful even? Not some skanky photo of some woman’s hip in lingerie being caressed by her own overgrown nasty manicured fingers. When I asked why this is what he is attracted to, he states in some disjointed non sequitur way: “I get more p***y than the law allows” (I am serious. I think he is in cahoots with Trump). I have no clue what that has to do with anything. He also stated “I’m usually only single for 10 minutes in my life” and  “I hate being alone….”. I kid you not. I explain to him that I am looking for someone who is independent, who knows how to be alone and comfortable with that.

This is right about the time my friends are telling me to stop even dealing with such a lunatic. Just leave the dude alone! I can not do that…this is too much fun, engaging in this creepy nonsense. What a waste of time, they said. True.

So I continue to text him and state and I quote myself:

“I would never meet you. Your lack of self-knowledge and brutal honesty about yourself is something I could never deal with. Your lack of even understanding about divorced women/”damaged” in your coworker’s eyes (and possibly your own) and your inability to be alone for longer than a month or “ten minutes” is not attractive to me at all.”.

Yes, I know, why am I even texting him? Why am i giving this guy any time or attention at all? Quite simply: I couldn’t let it go. He was such an ass, I couldn’t let him get away with this!  His immediate response to the above text?

“Yea it is ….nobody with lobe you like me”? Ear lobes? what? Of course he texted back “love”.

Okay, so nobody will love me like he will? Is this not one of the emotional abuse anthems? Does he even know what a red flag he just waved high up in the sky?  I informed him of this red flag and he just told me he looked forward to seeing me this weekend, as if I had said nothing (which in itself is saying a mouthful).  I told him that I would not be contacting him and said “no more”. He texted more. I had to finally text back “blocking now”. And I did.

The lesson: I don’t need to engage with every creep just to prove a point. I could have left that alone and blocked him way earlier. Was it wrong to have fun and push buttons at his expense, even if he didn’t notice.

What do you think? I should leave well enough (or in this case “bad enough”) alone and not spend time with someone just to prove a point or push their button?

Note: When editing this post this morning,  I realized it created a new post, at the top. Let’s be clear- this guy is definitely NOT the guy  I am speaking of in this new current relationship! Thank God!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relationship Quandary

I have been single for quite some time; amidst all the dating and meeting people who are, well, not for me. I write, I power walk, I learn French. I keep busy. It’s all good. I generally am comfortable in my own skin and don’t mind being alone. I am extremely independent and have been single a lot of my adult life.

Then I meet this guy. I don’t want to jinx anything, so I don’t want to say too much right now! I am very happy and I like him very much. I have not said that about ANYBODY in a long time. A.Very.Long.Time. Honestly, I don’t even know when, since my divorce. I have a guy I really like and who has said he really likes me. So I should be feeling awesome and full of butterflies. Which I do feel. 100%. So why do I also  feel more lonely at home alone now than when I was single and did not have any body that feels this way about me? I feel like I need to stop the level of neediess I feel to hear from him and be with him.This is SO NOT the post-Hell, post-War, post-Divorce me. It’s just not.

I have come too far to  feel this lonely.
If anyone has insight on how an independent, confident, intelligent woman could survive Hell, then get lonely the minute she meets someone she could really be happy with? I can’t sabotage this.

Please comment and help me out if you have any insight or can relate to what this whole mess of a real healthy relationship is, because its my first chance at this kind of happiness in a long time and I don’t want to mess it up.

 

Douchebag #3: Me, my son and you…

I thought I have seen quite a lot of scenarios in the Internet dating world. I had seen all sorts: polyamorous, open relationships, long distance,  (way) younger guys and cougar-dom,  whatever. I even came across a guy that wanted to look and not touch; that guy wanted a woman to travel to southern California about 1-3 times a month at his expense. The woman would be sexy and just sit for him while he did nothing, but perhaps contemplate the woman he could never attain. He stated he had a bad experience not being able to attain a woman on a beach when he was young. He felt invisible and undesired. He is now seeking that type woman to sit for him so he can relive the memory of rejection.

Yes, there is a woman for everyone out there. I guess. No judgment. This time it was different. That was intriguing, but I couldn’t bring my self to respond to that man’s requests to sit still for him.   What I am about to share with you is something new for me, even with that experience of sitting  pretty for someone who wants to feel rejected all over again.

I saw a cute guy online, POF to be exact. I even sent an email to see what would come back. He sent a message back pretty quickly.  Almost too quickly. He complimented my profile pictures. Probably didn’t read the text at all. Nothing new. I just politely returned the message and asked how he was doing. He shoots back a message just as rapidly. “Are you open-minded?”…..Sometimes. He texts back that he wants someone open minded and does want to find someone to marry. I asked him what he had in mind as i am admittedly open minded about some things, not about others. Like drugs, excessive alcohol use, or criminal activity in past or present. Ever.  So he states that’s fine because what he has in mind is a bit different.

I can not remember the exact words, but he said something like this: “I would like you to help my son. He was recently dumped by his girlfriend for not being able to please him. Would you show him everything about pleasing a woman? And you would be with me also. Not always at the same time. But sometimes. Sometimes just him. Sometimes just me and other times, both of us”.
Whoa!! WTF? I was quite horrified just then. I had NEVER come across this in my life.  I honestly just wanted to hit the BLOCK button. Something, however, told me this could be a bloggable moment.  I would never consider this, not even for a nanosecond. As a bloggable moment, priceless. I pretended to be intrigued. So I engaged.

“Wow! I am intrigued! Tell me more. You said he is how old?’ Jesus …not a minor please.
“Oh he’s 20 years old. See him in the picture?”. Yeah. I did. He looks about 12.
He went on to explain how this would be totally worth it as they are so well-endowed. Oh My God. This is an OMG moment for sure. I am positive this qualifies.
“I am definitely intrigued…so you said you wanted to get married. How would that work with your son? This would all stop if  we got married, right? We should meet in person with your son to talk more.” ….I intended to do nothing of the sort.
“Oh no. That would not stop at all. Its much more naughty when he’s your step son”. Holy shit. This had to be a joke. Or the “to catch a predator” people will be hunting me by the time I get ready for bed.  So 15 minutes go by with no response. I asked him if this was a  test or if he changed his mind. 10 minutes later he delete this profile and no record of any emails or any profile remains.

Ha! The joke could be on me. Or not. Hard to know. No one has been knocking down my door to raid my Internet history yet.l
Be careful out there!
And yes, creepy things happened in threes this year….

Tell me your creepy stories and leave me a comment with your experiences!!

A Tale of 2 Douchebags: where do I begin?

So how do I begin this tale? I promised myself I must  be honest. I tried to consider a better word than douchebag. I even consulted the thesaurus for a more suitable substitute. It turns out there is no substitute deserving of these two men. I like guys, truly, I do. It is usually what gets me in trouble; this is no kind of man-hating rant. I am going to just tell the story of an attempt to meet and date a guy who seemed perfectly awesome, then turned into a potential scam. A perfect mirage.  The second experience I had (douchebag #2 for the lack of a better word) was a different animal altogether. I will try to share both with the utmost of honesty and anonymity, all at the same time. Everything is true. Everything is my actual experience.

In truth, these events happened  a bit ago (in the last 12 months), but I am wanting to post the most honest experiences and here they are!

I am hoping that women my age all around this planet will have better luck than I did with these two! I am almost positive that these two are so unique, one could not have any other type of luck.  Like I said, I will leave out names and overly identifying information, but some information defines my experience and must not be left out. With Mr. Cairo, I felt that as a scam and facade, his “name” was unsearchable, unprovable. I feel  that sharing the name he gave me may help others avoid any time spent with him, so I will share that one ONLY!