Throwback Thursday 5: AA and the homeless guy

To preface this story, I have to disclose something. I am pretty sure I have mentioned this before in a previous post, but if you weren’t present for that rant, here it is: I used to think I had a drinking problem. For anyone who really knows me, they realize, as did I after nine years, that I simply had a lifestyle problem. I went to AA for a little over nine years till I realized I solidly  am NOT an alcoholic. That is a totally different post, or possibly memoir. This is simply one small snapshot from that time in AA. I made some pretty poor dating decisions, or just life decisions when I was in AA. While it changed my life for the better overall, the early  years were questionable!

Here we go! So I don’t know why I found this guy intriguing, but I did. I couldn’t come up with  a single reason other than he was tall, dark, and somewhat good looking. It’s quite the short story. He and I hung out a few times. I am not sure you would call them dates. He said he had a job. After one AA meeting, I eventually  agreed to let him come home with me. We stopped by ‘his’ house and he disappeared behind the back of the house, but refused to let me ‘come in’.  Odd, but as  I didn’t know him terribly well, I didn’t ask too many questions. We hung out at my place and all was fine. Since I wasn’t about to let him stay at my place, I gave him a ride back downtown when I went to work the next day and asked if he wanted to be dropped off at ‘his’ house. He simply said I could drop him off anywhere as he had some errands and had to be at work early anyway and he’d just walk around a bit. Odd, again….but who knows!  So, one of those fine days of dropping him off at my work, he just took off and it seemed in a different direction each time. Odder and odder. Each time. Where does he go? That morning, we  had decided to meet at the 5:45pm  AA meeting that night.

I met him at the meeting. After that, we went back to my place for dinner and would contemplate the later meeting. At my house, we were hanging out and his keys fell from his hoodie pocket. I picked them up for him. Only there were two keys. Very small keys. Almost like locker keys, but no house key. At all. Did I call him out on this? As I couldn’t find a house key to ‘his’ house where I let him pick up ‘a few things’ that first night? Of course I did! I can’t NOT ask him what the fuck is going on…with the locker keys, nowhere to go every morning…..

“I’m kinda homeless,” he says. WTF? I ask him about the house. He says he had hidden some clothes in the backyard and “kinda knows the guy that lives there”. Everything else explains itself pretty immediately once he tells me that he’s homeless. I tell him immediately, with no charitable blood in my body at that moment that we must go back to AA so I can promptly drop him off where I found him.  I should have been more compassionate. Maybe, just maybe, if he had been honest from the beginning I may have been more concerned, understanding, and/or helpful. No guarantees, but at this point, it was not happening. No sir.  I took him back to one of the big AA  meeting houses in Denver where we first met. We drove down pretty much in silence. What do you say?  I parked my little VW Beetle in the parking lot after unwittingly providing him a home for basically a week (at night anyway).

He says to me as I am getting out of the car, “Can I just stay in the car for a while you go to the meeting?”  Really? “No,” I said. Just no.

In the weeks, months,  and years that followed, I saw him from a distance at meetings and around the meeting house. He bleached his hair, he got a little stranger in his behavior.  I am glad I called him out on the key that night. Not that I wouldn’t  have figured it out sooner or later. Likely sooner. But at least when I dodged the bullet there, the bullet was much smaller.

Have a great day my readers!  I will catch up with you all this weekend!

Conquer!

via Daily Prompt: Conquer

While I feel that this past Tuesday I did conquer my biggest financial hill, a chapter 13 bankruptcy, it felt so much truer when I saw the check clear in my checking account. I knew I had really done it. With a few people making sure someone paid (me), I now showed the its done. That battle is complete and I came out of it so much stronger than I ever could have hoped in a million years.  Honestly, I thought it would conquer me. I felt so broken, so desperate for taking that route. Now I have one more battle; someone owes me some money. To make me quasi whole (financially). I realize today, I am whole and amazingly a better version of myself 5 years ago. I am going to fight the financial battle on principle. I didn’t give up before. I sure as hell won’t be giving up now.

I will CONQUER again!

 

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

So happy I could cry…

I am in a most most interesting mood. I feel like the most surreal thing is about to happen. I remember five years ago starting trudging the worst financial hill I have ever faced: a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. You know, the kind where you pay back a portion in monthly amounts equaling about 40% of your take home pay? I’m not kidding. I wasn’t sure if I had the fortitude to get through this . It was going to be tough.

Despite advice, I moved to live more cheaply. Did I save any more money? Of course not. I did however breathe and able to make ends meet with the help of support from friends and family. I am not just talking about financial support. I couldn’t believe them when they said “it will be over before you know it”, “five years is not forever”, “you’ll be fine”….the platitudes were sweet, but no, I didn’t believe any of it. It was the worst financial black cloud ever.

Did I get through it? YES! I am here to tel you, it is possible to get through a very dark period and finally be done with everything. Sure, I still have to wait for the discharge from the court which will come in a few months.  But I am making my last payment Tuesday. I am ecstatic. My friends and family were right! I made it. It wasn’t forever. Yeah, it sucked. I am  not to going to lie. It was hard, especially when I wouldn’t be in this position if it weren’t for my ex-husband.  He happened to announce last summer to the court and all  everyone  interested that he was spending the summer in Antigua. I am working full-time to give 40% of my take home income to pay for something he never took responsibility for. Am I bitter? Yes, but I should be. I get to these points recently  where I just want to put the whole thing behind me, but I get angry sometimes. I get resentful.And him going to Antigua, not owning up to his responsibility  (the reason I am in bankruptcy) is hard to hear sometimes. Just saying.

Do I share these feelings of bitterness and resentment with friends and family? Yes. A therapist? Absolutely yes. The end is near and they were all right….its going to be just fine. In fact, it already is.

If you are facing something that you don’t think you can possibly muster up the strength for, leave me a comment. Perhaps I can share specific things I did to get through this five-year dark cloud.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Music paring: The soundtrack from the remake of The Saint (1997).  You can listen to the likes of Moby, Sneaker Pimps, Luscious Jackson and others.

Throwback Thursday 3: the “tape”

So I am taking you way back…..way back and I don’t even want to date myself, but I may have to. We are talking 1987. We are talking first boyfriend. If you could call him that. There are so many things I could say about this guy. I wouldn’t say they were great. I’d probably say that he was persistent, pressuring, chauvinistic, and a bit obnoxious. The kind of guy that would order meat for his vegetarian girlfriend in Portuguese at the D.C. Brazilian restaurant, simply because he was, yes, Brazilian. The kind that would break up with this girlfriend when she didn’t want to give in and sleep with him. She was a virgin for God’s sake. And no, I have no clue when I started writing in the third person. That’s annoying and I will stop now.

So as you can imagine at that tender time in my senior year of high school, I was more enamored at the idea a guy was spending time with me and paying attention to me at all. I was slightly (understatement of the year) unpopular. It was senior year and I was NOT going to take him to  prom just because I found a boyfriend. I had nothing to prove to those people. While the Brazilian and I were ever so briefly dating, he made me a  cassette tape. Not just any tape. An amazing tape of music of the times. And yes, we’re talking 11987. . The number one song I will always remember on that tape is by Erasure (Oh l’amour).  I have to go through my numerous boxes in storage and see if I still have it. I can’t remember or imagine getting rid of it. Who knew? Who knew that in 2017 I would still be in love with 80s music. If you know how to make cassette tapes into CD’s let me know! Please. I beg of you. It’s that awesome!

Needless to say about a week after he gave that cassette to me, he broke up with me because I wasn’t ready to sleep with him. That’s what he said anyway. But at least I got my tape. And I may still have it!

 

Music pairing: Erasure’s Oh l’amour, obviously!!

Weighing in

So if you recall, last month, I posted about actually exercising when I say I will and the whole nine. Since then, I have been actually walking. Mind you, not to the extent I used to. No 5-7 miles daily for me (although I would love to). Slowly, but surel , I am getting there. The catalyst (publishing a post and saying it out loud, so to speak) to actually walking more than a quick ’round the block’ with my dog was strongly reinforced last weekend. It was amazing!

Last weekend I spent much needed time with family in California.  I told my aunt I wanted to really walk ….and eat well. Did she fulfill my request? Hell, yeah! I had some amazing walks and got to catch up and talk. It was fantastic. We walked all over her neighborhood, CoD, and Sunnylands, not to mention some other great places. I kept my Apple watch on all day,  accumulating extra  miles through out the day. I was racking up 4-7 miles a day. Fantastic, I thought. This is the way to go! I was absolutely excited to be back in the game. I could go on and on about how amazing the weekend was with my aunt and uncle, but  I mustn’t digress.  This is about exercise….so I left California kicking and screaming. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it there!!

So here I am on a Sunday, back home. About a week and what have I done since California? I definitely have not done 4-7 mile days. However, I have been able to get daily 1-4 mile walks in. Sometimes slow walks with my puggle Max. Sometimes at a faster clip. I wish I could say I have already gotten  back to my power walks with 14 minute miles. Damn! That’s the most frustrating part. I can’t seem to walk faster than a 15 or 16 minute mile. Maddening! Perhaps I need to mix my exercise with better food from the diet I achieved so much success from last year.

I realize what I remember to be true. I am going to really have to curb my eating habits as well as really amp up my power walks. They can’t be leisurely strolls. I need to kick ass. Kiss ass and just STOP with the cookies and anything that may tempt me at the office.

Little by little, I will chip away and be ready for my spring dresses. This post makes me want to go out and buy salad ingredients! Yay me!!

What do you guys do daily to watch what you put in your body and get that daily calorie burn?? I would love some  hints. I did well last year, but could refresh with some new ideas!! Please comment and I’ll read each one!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!

Throwback Thursday 1: His other girlfriend

I know. I know. Kinda late to be submitting a post for Throwback Thursday, but I am going to go for it. Because in my small corner of the world, it is still Thursday evening. But yes, I am running out of time!

So, let’s go back to…..hmmmm say 1995:

There was this week in October that was especially irritating. It was a week that actually was respectful enough to realize since Alyssa’s week didn’t  suck royally enough, it deded to end on a note called: Friday the 13th. While some of the inconveniences of the week are hazy at best, I can tell you that something bad (different shades of bad) happened every day that week. Tuesday was especially memorable. Let me share.

I was dating this guy at the time, J. Since 1995 was a period of pagers and no one really carried around cell phones quite yet, we had set up a “date” to meet up at, yes, Hooters. You know, that one on Parker in Aurora. If you live here in Denver, you know the one.  So I met up with J. and his friend and started the evening with a pitcher of crap beer and wings.  All was good at Hooters. Eating wings and stuff. Then an especially skanky girl came up with short hair and a long braid down the back came up to our table and asked to speak with J. He ignored her. I encouraged him to be polite only to be immediately suspect  when they left to go outside to “talk”. I had no clue what was going on.  Twice, I found them standing a few feet apart when I faked answering a page at the phone booth. We finally finished our wings and the second pitcher of the same dilate crap beer. Then we left and stopped by the girl (we can call her K.). J. paused a little too long and K. got a little too friendly. K. asked me why I was in a rush to leave with her boyfriend. I said “no, he’s my boyfriend”. And that is when she leaped off her bar stool and lunged at me. I hid behind J. and ripped his “Rolex” watch off, which broke in pieces. What are the chances it was a Rolex? Anway…..The girl K. and I ran around, I shit you not, the lobby and the parking lot for ten minutes. At this point, our brave “boyfriend” decided to plot his exit. He got in his car and simply left us. That asshole. No one had phones. No one was texting. No one even bothered to page him as he was en route to his safety nest, the basement of his parents home.

After yelling for ten minutes, and a little exercise around the parking lot, we calmed down. We then plotted a little revenge. Using a dash of poor 20-something judgement, I got in this crazy girl’s car and we headed south. We showed up at his house, knocked on the door and shocked the crap out of J.’s parents. We stomped down to the basement where he was undressing down to his American flag boxers, greeting us. K. needed to really talk to him.  Then K. drops the P-bomb. WTF? What more do I need to endure. Jesus, this was quite a night.  Eventually, we went back to Hooters and my car was waiting for me.

Two Weeks Later:

I never saw K. again. I saw J. a few weeks later at a bar and he told me K. had totally lied and couldn’t fax him legitimate blood test papers.  We ended up talking and he apologized. We saw each other again a few times (again, poor 20- something judgement), but then I never saw him again.

21 years Later:
I spotted him on Facebook and for the hell of it, I sent a friend request. Stupid. I never heard a response.

Well, that was a fun trip down memory lane.