Tag: relationships

The boyfriend, the travel plans, and the real estate—it’s a lot!

I think after the six month mark, I can more than safely say he is the BF (boyfriend). We celebrated the milestone with a nice dinner. I am excited to go to Europe with him this summer. We have actually been planning this for a while; we are visiting the following cities:Galway (Ireland), Edinburgh, London, Paris, Carcassonne (France), Barcelona, and Porto (Portugal) in a short amount of time. This should be interesting!! I just bought us a 2 day London Pass, which appears economical but we shall see. Stay tuned on this trip!

Sooo, while this is so much fun, I am facing a major stressor and that is the selling of my condo. This market is horrible!! I am hoping that it sells soon because I have a townhouse to move into this fall. I am so excited for this townhouse, I can hardly contain myself, but the deadline for selling the condo is wearing very heavily on my mind. My realtor is doing everything he can with marketing and being strategic. Everything I am reading financially tells me this is a market issue, not a realtor issue, but I am still stressed to the max. My boyfriend has been extremely supportive. He has been helpful in helping me with my pup on showing and open house days, etc. I just can’t wait to get into this newer larger townhouse; by newer, I mean brand new. It is being built as I write this.

More to come….

Four months later…

So, I had a great holiday season with the Eligible Bachelor (EB) and we are still together four months later! I celebrated some of the holidays with his family and all of them with him. It’s been unexpected and amazing… who would have known, especially meeting in October and going into the awkward holiday season? But it worked. And you know what? When it’s right, it will all work out.

So, on our first date, it was all about travel. That’s my biggest hobby and he is way more well travelled than I am. Our first trial getaway was Glenwood Springs, CO and it went well. We knew we were going to travel well together; we knew more trips were in our future. Since then, we went diving in Mexico in January and have finalized 90% of our 2 week itinerary in Europe (in July). Does this sound like too much after a few months? Maybe so, but for the first time in a very very long time, it just feels right. I know what wrong feels like.

So let me talk about this a little bit. What does wrong feel like? Agitation, extreme butterflies in the stomach, can’t sleep, suspicion….the list goes on. Everyone says butterflies is an indication of that flutter of first lust and attraction. I am not sure I agree; I have anxiety and butterflies was always a sign of that. When I have extreme anxiety, something is usually wrong or concerning. With the EB, I have felt more calm and self-assured than other relationships in the past. Sure, I had some anxiety in the very beginning with some unknowns, but the truth is I think everyone has a little. I am usually overboard. He does not arouse suspicion, jealousy, or concerns for troublesome behavior. Over a very small amount of time, I have felt even more comfortable and at ease with him. Things just work well. So there are no butterflies, but instead a sense of calm that I wouldn’t trade anything for. I will take calm over butterflies any day!

Our relationship is fairly easy and this has been a long time coming for me. I feel like I can tell him anything and that if something is bothering me about “us”or anything else in my life, I can come forward and discuss it with him. He was able to do the same thing with me about something that was slightly bothering him and I think he was relieved that I was approachable as well. I think this bodes very well for the future. Is everything perfect? Nothing is perfect. Sometimes he is a little sarcastic and I sometimes am a little sensitive….but generally, I am getting a lot better at handing it back to him. He can take it as well as he dishes it out, so all is good!

Right now, we are on a fitness/weight loss journey together. How long have I been attempting this journey people (see past posts!!)?? We have a bet going and will be working on losing the greatest percentage of weight individually. Our bet will end the Monday before we leave for Europe in the summer, so about 5 months. We will continue to maintain our weight loss, but the initial loss will take place from now (the beginning of February, actually) til July. This has been so amazing and I have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks, so things are off to a great start.

Personally, the winter season is one of my hardest. I hate the snow and the cold and not being outside; if my mood can be lifted and my will for weight loss and thrice weekly exercise at the gym can be attained now, I think my overall health and this relationship with the EB are off to good things in this exclusive relationship…

Stay tuned!!

What I am listening to now: Lana Del Ray Essentials

An eligible bachelor….

So maybe in the last couple of months, I have gone out with some real duds; there was one who yelled at the waitress for separate checks before I could verbalize my order. He did not drink and that was fine, except he seemed resentful of mine. He said he was sober, but he was pretty bitter about it. Then, he even so much as told me he had no ambition and lived with a bunch of guys, so he wouldn’t have to pay the bill for his own apartment. Again, great for him, but this was not for me.

Then just a few weeks later, I matched with someone on an app and we had actual chemistry right then and there. We finally met on the Sunday, towards the end of the weekend that we had started texting back and forth on the app, He had a slight cold and I was afraid he was going to cancel, but he did not. We did not trade numbers till the end of our first date. It was one of the best first dates I have ever been on, better than the first date with my ex-husband. That good- I really didn’t want it to end. He was assertive during the date and just kissed me right there in the bar. Granted, I had been scooting toward him over the course of an hour or two. It was perfect. Nothing more than kissing even transpired that night, which was refreshing. I am pretty sure he liked me, but we just ended it on a really good note.

Sooo, for the past few weeks, we have been dating and its been fun. He is so good to my dog and that’s so important. I had to put my older dog down and that’s a totally different blog post. We have had fun dates, amazing conversation and good communication. There’s this one thing. He keeps saying so far. “We’re great…. So far”. I get it, things have been rough on the dating scene, but seriously, we need to be positive. I am waiting for the other shoe to fall sometimes, but I know that being in the moment and not stressing about the future is what forms our memories and communications, our quality time… We have a lot of quality time, and just talk and talk for hours in the kitchen. I think we are both hesitant to go to fast and mess this up, so there have been sleepovers, but nothing really physical. That can wait. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. I don’t even know what “THIS” is. It is so easy with him. I have told my friends about him but not my family (yet); he’s told his sister about me as well. Maybe just that I exist, who knows!

For now, I am getting more active than I have been lately. We go on walks with the puppy, bowling and I am even learning golf. Imagine that, I think I will keep this eligible bachelor,

Stay tuned. More on holidays, vacations etc with the EB!

A spending problem….

What is a spending problem? A shopping spree? Is it really just a shopping spree? What if it happens when you go to the mall for said spree monthly? Weekly? When you know you deserve a nice perfume or new purse? Or if you’re feeling down because it’s fall and the holidays are coming? You’re lonely? You know you want those really cute boots? 2 pair? Go ahead and get them!!

I am pretty sure there is more to it. I am confident when I spend money I don’t really have, when I ask someone to hold on to my credit cards, except one, that I have more than a spending problem. Some people call that an addiction. I rationalize my decisions, entitle myself to material goods, ignore my debit and engage in the risky behavior of spending addiction. I know I need to stop.Today. Of course there is more to it.

There is the problem to stop and then there is the WHY of it. Why am I using spending to feel loved when I am having trouble feeling loved outside of my acquisition of new shiny things? The WHY will come; right now I need to stop the problem. One day at a time, I am told. Like any other addiction. What can I do to assuage my profound need for things? The need to feel empowered by pulling out my credit card and getting the new Louis Vuitton coin purse or Freebird boots? I have a few ideas…

1. Everyday I will look in the mirror and say no spending on unnecessary things today; I will do this one day at a time.

2. I will make a budge and commit to it.

3. If I am compelled to go to the mall (surprisingly my addiction does not involve Amazon or other online purchases at this time), I will go on a walk, blog, text a friend that is supportive and fully understands my plight.

4. Recommit to the budget and sit the fuck down and watch some tv, read a book, anything.

I think this is a start. I know what’s going on here now and I am ready to stop. Before you naysayers say that’s not a true addiction, let me ask you: does it cost money and at any cost I could end up hungry from now having food, does it cause me to go in debt, does it affect my mental and physical health, is it a compulsion that is rationalized by anything? Hell, yes..

I have a spending addiction and I am ready to stop..

Music I am listening to now: Addicted -Amy Winehouse

The end of the writer’s block—at least I hope so!

It’s been so many months since I have posted; I know that it’s not right, but I had a big dose of life going on. I finally got my place in Denver. I’ve always lived in Denver and the surrounding area, but this is ownership in the actual city! Amidst the homelessness, the violence, the substance abuse crisis, and many others ailments of Denver, I am the proud owner of a condo in a very established neighborhood. While I moved in August, I am just now feeling more settled.

I have been writing about relationships and exercise. Separately. Two different entities. I think its time to stop that. I think that I am ready to blend those tow areas of my life, because they have truly been intermixed this whole time. I think my weight has gotten in the way of my relationships and I think seeking a relationship has taken time from my time at the gym. They are indeed fused and I can’t compartmentalize them any more.

I think its also time I write about my valuable friendships, because they are the glue that holds me together sometimes; I think it’s only right that I make a few changes to my approach…mostly because its overdue, but also it may help me break my creative block. In the next posts to come, you will read about my life and adventures in staying fit, navigating the dating scene, and travel.

More to come….

Larger than life.

Okay, so I was told, or rather texted that I was the most shallow person ever. That I should be ashamed of myself for how horrible I was for ultimately having to confess I was not attracted to him after meeting him. I thought I could get there (attraction), but I just could not.

Let’s back up a second. I guess I should begin at the beginning. We didn’t talk that long before we met, but our first night of talking was a marathon. Yes, a marathon of 5.5 hours. Jesus. I was attracted to his face. I asked for more pics because well, I needed to get the full picture! He warned me that he had back surgery almost 2 years ago and had gained some weight then got sick, so his weight loss has not really taken off. He sent me some vague pics, but they didn’t seem so bad. So bad is an understatement. I agreed to visit him in the Springs. So we decided on last Tuesday. I was pretty excited, because our conversations have been great and we were looking for the same things; I didn’t see anything that could go wrong, except physical attraction and I was hoping I would not be disappointed.

I got to his house. I knocked on the door. It was kind of downhill from there. He warned me his house was going to be a mess because he had been sick a few weeks ago and had not cleaned his kitchen yet (even though he was sick weeks ago and fine now). And while his kitchen was fairly atrocious with dishes everywhere and crap food sitting on the counter tops (does he even eat healthfully?), the biggest issue was staring back right at me. He was much bigger than he led me to believe. His photos that he sent to me were very vague and hid a lot, as it turned out. My face didn’t lie. Apparently, he could tell right away that I was taken aback by his appearance. I know this is downright horrible, but I feel this is misleading advertising. I feel that while beauty is skin deep (I really do), physical attraction is a huge part to a spark.

I know I need to lose weight too, so this is the part that is so hard. I had full pics on my profile though from the last few months. So we talked about it …the weight. We talked about weight being temporary and how we can both lose weight; I just couldn’t keep the disappointment off my face. I wasn’t convinced, but I was trying to rationalize my long trip down to the Springs and my investment in this very short lived relationship. We came to the conclusion that we would try to lose weight together. So I felt that would satisfy me for a while. I spent the night with him, which was a huge mistake. Huge mistake. It just brought the fact home that I absolutely COULD NOT do this. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I don’t know if it was the strange bed, the strange man, or simply the size of the man sleeping next to me. I couldn’t wait to get out of there in the morning.

The next day, I barely texted; he asked me what was up and I said all was fine, but I was busy working. The truth. And not the truth. Yes, I was on the clock, but that never stopped me from spending time texting with him through out the day. He could tell there was something different. When he asked me what was going on, I was vague. I was kind. I didn’t see the need to be blunt, but in all honesty that was at the recommendation of my good friend. I really just wanted to be done with it. He pressured me and dug for answers. He told me to not give him riddles.. Tell him like it is. So I told him there was no sexual chemistry for me; I was not physically attracted to him. It was then I got the text. The horrifying text that I was indeed shallow. I was awful and should be ashamed of myself. This was the shittiest thing that ever happened to him. I apologized. He said to stop messaging him. So I stopped. But I couldn’t stop thinking how I made him feel. Even though he sent me misleading photos. Even though I invested a lot of time into the beginning of this relationship.

That would be great if that was the end of the story, but its not. It’s not a good story without a little irony thrown in for good measure. So a few days after he told me I was extremely (he used a different word) shallow, I stepped on the scale.

I weighed more than I have ever weighed in my life. Ever.

Music I am listening to: Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette (think Ironic).

Stay tuned: I am now embarking on a new journey toward weight loss and fitness reminiscent of the others I have blogged about, but more permanent.

I am back!!

Hey everyone!!

I have no good excuse for not writing since Covid -19 hit us hard. I really don’t know what happened; you would think Denver’s Shelter In Place period would have been the perfect time to really catch up on writing as there was nothing else to do. Even when things opened up a bit, I should have opened up and started writing again. I am not sure what happened, but I have some ideas. And I want to share them as I start to explore more about myself and what’s keeping me from my ultimate personal success (relationships, fitness, work, etc)….

I deal with anxiety and insomnia on a fairly regular basis. Covid -19 made writing and being physically and mentally healthy much more difficult for me. It became almost impossible for me to find the creative energy to blog and then soon after writer’s block set in. Nothing bad happened to me; I never got really sick, but I did have some preliminary symptoms and got tested (negative).

I have been out and about and continuing to gain some bizarre experiences in the dating world. I have some stories to tell, but I have to play catch up first and bring you all up to date.

First of all, I sold the place I lived in suburbia; that was a sociological experiment gone wrong; I felt so out of place amongst the families and the chit chat that goes with being married with kids. I belong in the city. I moved back into Denver in the summer and I am so happy! Secondly, one of my closest friends is my roommate and we are having fun. I am settled, along with my two pups. I need to start blogging again (this is a good start) and exercising.

Between me and some good friends, I have experienced and heard some dating misadventures and I will be sharing those stories soon with you all. I am also going to restart my journey toward good health and fitness. Physical health also took a huge hiatus when I moved.

So, hang tight people, because I have finally emerged from my hiatus and I have plenty to share.

A light relationship equals light effort, I guess?

I’m not used to these light, easy going things. I guess I am  always headed toward these intense serious things, that I don’t know what to expect with a light relationship.  Perhaps the expectations are minimal.

I am not sure what to make of it all and I am pretty sure I can’t do it. But damn, I am going to try since i want a light summer with not too much seriousness. Does this mean, however, that there is no respect for my time? Does this mean not putting much effort into making plans?  Generally, does a light relationship equate to minimal consideration to the other person? I am thinking yes to all of the above. This has been my recent experience. So I am learning. I started making my own plans and if he is not available, then I guess I won’t be seeing him. He’s doing this, so I will as well, at his request even.

So this holiday week, I had options; i thought he had a potential of July 4th free, so in the back of my head, I still kept that open and made plans for the other days this week. My error. Apparently,  he had plans that he ‘had to confirm’ so he didn’t bother to mention.  Apparently, he was available the other days, but he didn’t tell me and felt we shouldn’t plan them (just in case he got a better offer, who knows?). Well, too bad. I am now getting educated in the “little effort relationship”.  I live my own life and see if we fit into them. No advance plans, really. No open communication.

Turns out, i won’t be seeing him this week since he confirmed his July 4th plans with his ‘friends’; he claims he’ll try to ‘move something around’, but what’s the point really? He’s going away for a month  the day after my birthday next week and I am not waiting for that. I am moving on. i mean this is a light relationship. It requires little effort.. Next.

A new hopeful

Back into the dating scene and completely exhausted. I’ve met a few guys so far. The first two were not viable options; the second of the two was downright obnoxious. He reminded me too much of the live in. This third one is definitely viable, though our relationship is as developed as a zygote.

I think I want to keep it as light as possible this time around compared with my last disaster! For one, the guy is laid back and there’s no pressure. That helps. I won’t lie. There are some other factors that play into the whole situation which makes this guy so appealing. He is 1 hour form me which means he won’t be over all the time. I enjoy his company very much; don’t get me wrong, but I want the summer to enjoy my friends and going out as well. He has his shit together and loves where he lives, so he won’t want to move in anytime soon……or ever. Bonus!  He also goes away for travel quite a bit, business and pleasure.  Sometimes on the weekend. This gives me time to get stuff done. With all this being said there are a few drawbacks to the whole situation.

There are times that I would have liked to see him, just to spend time getting to know each other in this initial phase. With the time differences in travel, its been awkward. I mean we got off to a good start then with time away and an inability to keep the spark when the spark needs to stay lit is a bit frustrating. I am thinking I can get over this soon,  He’ll be home this week and we may see each other for dinner toward the end of the week and spending some much needed quality time on Saturday.  I like that the relationship is light for now. I don’t know what he thinks of it; he’s so laid back, I imagine he thinks it is a pretty casual  situation. I think this is dating sans the intense togetherness. We have decided to be monogamous after sleeping together (after the FOURTH date),  I think. Maybe I need more clarification on the details, but that does not mean serious per se. More like safe. I think I will find out more this weekend. But for the first time in a very long time, I am NOT in a rush. It feels good. I think this is going to shape up to be a very fun summer!

Another thing: He knows I blog, but  he does not ask me about it. Ever. Never. I am not sure if this means he doesn’t care or if he lets me be with the privacy to write what I want, uncensored.