Dating – Brilliant Distraction

Four months later…

So, I had a great holiday season with the Eligible Bachelor (EB) and we are still together four months later! I celebrated some of the holidays with his family and all of them with him. It’s been unexpected and amazing… who would have known, especially meeting in October and going into the awkward holiday season? But it worked. And you know what? When it’s right, it will all work out.

So, on our first date, it was all about travel. That’s my biggest hobby and he is way more well travelled than I am. Our first trial getaway was Glenwood Springs, CO and it went well. We knew we were going to travel well together; we knew more trips were in our future. Since then, we went diving in Mexico in January and have finalized 90% of our 2 week itinerary in Europe (in July). Does this sound like too much after a few months? Maybe so, but for the first time in a very very long time, it just feels right. I know what wrong feels like.

So let me talk about this a little bit. What does wrong feel like? Agitation, extreme butterflies in the stomach, can’t sleep, suspicion….the list goes on. Everyone says butterflies is an indication of that flutter of first lust and attraction. I am not sure I agree; I have anxiety and butterflies was always a sign of that. When I have extreme anxiety, something is usually wrong or concerning. With the EB, I have felt more calm and self-assured than other relationships in the past. Sure, I had some anxiety in the very beginning with some unknowns, but the truth is I think everyone has a little. I am usually overboard. He does not arouse suspicion, jealousy, or concerns for troublesome behavior. Over a very small amount of time, I have felt even more comfortable and at ease with him. Things just work well. So there are no butterflies, but instead a sense of calm that I wouldn’t trade anything for. I will take calm over butterflies any day!

Our relationship is fairly easy and this has been a long time coming for me. I feel like I can tell him anything and that if something is bothering me about “us”or anything else in my life, I can come forward and discuss it with him. He was able to do the same thing with me about something that was slightly bothering him and I think he was relieved that I was approachable as well. I think this bodes very well for the future. Is everything perfect? Nothing is perfect. Sometimes he is a little sarcastic and I sometimes am a little sensitive….but generally, I am getting a lot better at handing it back to him. He can take it as well as he dishes it out, so all is good!

Right now, we are on a fitness/weight loss journey together. How long have I been attempting this journey people (see past posts!!)?? We have a bet going and will be working on losing the greatest percentage of weight individually. Our bet will end the Monday before we leave for Europe in the summer, so about 5 months. We will continue to maintain our weight loss, but the initial loss will take place from now (the beginning of February, actually) til July. This has been so amazing and I have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks, so things are off to a great start.

Personally, the winter season is one of my hardest. I hate the snow and the cold and not being outside; if my mood can be lifted and my will for weight loss and thrice weekly exercise at the gym can be attained now, I think my overall health and this relationship with the EB are off to good things in this exclusive relationship…

Stay tuned!!

What I am listening to now: Lana Del Ray Essentials

An eligible bachelor….

So maybe in the last couple of months, I have gone out with some real duds; there was one who yelled at the waitress for separate checks before I could verbalize my order. He did not drink and that was fine, except he seemed resentful of mine. He said he was sober, but he was pretty bitter about it. Then, he even so much as told me he had no ambition and lived with a bunch of guys, so he wouldn’t have to pay the bill for his own apartment. Again, great for him, but this was not for me.

Then just a few weeks later, I matched with someone on an app and we had actual chemistry right then and there. We finally met on the Sunday, towards the end of the weekend that we had started texting back and forth on the app, He had a slight cold and I was afraid he was going to cancel, but he did not. We did not trade numbers till the end of our first date. It was one of the best first dates I have ever been on, better than the first date with my ex-husband. That good- I really didn’t want it to end. He was assertive during the date and just kissed me right there in the bar. Granted, I had been scooting toward him over the course of an hour or two. It was perfect. Nothing more than kissing even transpired that night, which was refreshing. I am pretty sure he liked me, but we just ended it on a really good note.

Sooo, for the past few weeks, we have been dating and its been fun. He is so good to my dog and that’s so important. I had to put my older dog down and that’s a totally different blog post. We have had fun dates, amazing conversation and good communication. There’s this one thing. He keeps saying so far. “We’re great…. So far”. I get it, things have been rough on the dating scene, but seriously, we need to be positive. I am waiting for the other shoe to fall sometimes, but I know that being in the moment and not stressing about the future is what forms our memories and communications, our quality time… We have a lot of quality time, and just talk and talk for hours in the kitchen. I think we are both hesitant to go to fast and mess this up, so there have been sleepovers, but nothing really physical. That can wait. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. I don’t even know what “THIS” is. It is so easy with him. I have told my friends about him but not my family (yet); he’s told his sister about me as well. Maybe just that I exist, who knows!

For now, I am getting more active than I have been lately. We go on walks with the puppy, bowling and I am even learning golf. Imagine that, I think I will keep this eligible bachelor,

Stay tuned. More on holidays, vacations etc with the EB!

So you have a girlfriend, eh?

So I meet this guy on Tinder, Yeah, Tinder. ugh! But anyway, he seems willing to meet the same day, that evening. So far, so good, I meet him at this bar in Cherry Creek and we have great conversation; I think we may have been there at least two hours. We made a date for Friday at a bar closer to him.

The next day we texted and decided to meet that night halfway between us; literally, the next day after our date. Or the day after…I cant remember, but definitely within 48 hours, He gave me good feedback on the blog. We had good conversation and talked about Friday as well. Then he leaned in and said he had to tell me something,

Then he reveals he actually has this girlfriend in Canada (where he used to live) that he broke up with like within a day of going on Tinder. Per the Canadian, she was supposed to move to the States in December. In January. Then in February. Then she said she wasn’t moving at all, so they parted ways and he met me on Tinder. Then the day of our second date, she called him and said she wanted to move to Colorado in June. And boom: he has a girlfriend again!

“Would you like to be friends and we can see where this goes?” he asked. I was in horror. Why in the hell would I want to be friends with a guy who I had no future with? Just in case his relationship doesn’t work out? I told him I would think about it.

I went home and slept on it. Slept well in fact. For an insomniac, that’s saying something. I texted him and told him I did not need to be friends with him; after all I didn’t get on Tinder to meet ’friends’! He wrote back, saying he respected my decision. And that’s that. You’re sure you want to stay on Tinder, eh?

The end of the writer’s block—at least I hope so!

It’s been so many months since I have posted; I know that it’s not right, but I had a big dose of life going on. I finally got my place in Denver. I’ve always lived in Denver and the surrounding area, but this is ownership in the actual city! Amidst the homelessness, the violence, the substance abuse crisis, and many others ailments of Denver, I am the proud owner of a condo in a very established neighborhood. While I moved in August, I am just now feeling more settled.

I have been writing about relationships and exercise. Separately. Two different entities. I think its time to stop that. I think that I am ready to blend those tow areas of my life, because they have truly been intermixed this whole time. I think my weight has gotten in the way of my relationships and I think seeking a relationship has taken time from my time at the gym. They are indeed fused and I can’t compartmentalize them any more.

I think its also time I write about my valuable friendships, because they are the glue that holds me together sometimes; I think it’s only right that I make a few changes to my approach…mostly because its overdue, but also it may help me break my creative block. In the next posts to come, you will read about my life and adventures in staying fit, navigating the dating scene, and travel.

More to come….

Larger than life.

Okay, so I was told, or rather texted that I was the most shallow person ever. That I should be ashamed of myself for how horrible I was for ultimately having to confess I was not attracted to him after meeting him. I thought I could get there (attraction), but I just could not.

Let’s back up a second. I guess I should begin at the beginning. We didn’t talk that long before we met, but our first night of talking was a marathon. Yes, a marathon of 5.5 hours. Jesus. I was attracted to his face. I asked for more pics because well, I needed to get the full picture! He warned me that he had back surgery almost 2 years ago and had gained some weight then got sick, so his weight loss has not really taken off. He sent me some vague pics, but they didn’t seem so bad. So bad is an understatement. I agreed to visit him in the Springs. So we decided on last Tuesday. I was pretty excited, because our conversations have been great and we were looking for the same things; I didn’t see anything that could go wrong, except physical attraction and I was hoping I would not be disappointed.

I got to his house. I knocked on the door. It was kind of downhill from there. He warned me his house was going to be a mess because he had been sick a few weeks ago and had not cleaned his kitchen yet (even though he was sick weeks ago and fine now). And while his kitchen was fairly atrocious with dishes everywhere and crap food sitting on the counter tops (does he even eat healthfully?), the biggest issue was staring back right at me. He was much bigger than he led me to believe. His photos that he sent to me were very vague and hid a lot, as it turned out. My face didn’t lie. Apparently, he could tell right away that I was taken aback by his appearance. I know this is downright horrible, but I feel this is misleading advertising. I feel that while beauty is skin deep (I really do), physical attraction is a huge part to a spark.

I know I need to lose weight too, so this is the part that is so hard. I had full pics on my profile though from the last few months. So we talked about it …the weight. We talked about weight being temporary and how we can both lose weight; I just couldn’t keep the disappointment off my face. I wasn’t convinced, but I was trying to rationalize my long trip down to the Springs and my investment in this very short lived relationship. We came to the conclusion that we would try to lose weight together. So I felt that would satisfy me for a while. I spent the night with him, which was a huge mistake. Huge mistake. It just brought the fact home that I absolutely COULD NOT do this. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I don’t know if it was the strange bed, the strange man, or simply the size of the man sleeping next to me. I couldn’t wait to get out of there in the morning.

The next day, I barely texted; he asked me what was up and I said all was fine, but I was busy working. The truth. And not the truth. Yes, I was on the clock, but that never stopped me from spending time texting with him through out the day. He could tell there was something different. When he asked me what was going on, I was vague. I was kind. I didn’t see the need to be blunt, but in all honesty that was at the recommendation of my good friend. I really just wanted to be done with it. He pressured me and dug for answers. He told me to not give him riddles.. Tell him like it is. So I told him there was no sexual chemistry for me; I was not physically attracted to him. It was then I got the text. The horrifying text that I was indeed shallow. I was awful and should be ashamed of myself. This was the shittiest thing that ever happened to him. I apologized. He said to stop messaging him. So I stopped. But I couldn’t stop thinking how I made him feel. Even though he sent me misleading photos. Even though I invested a lot of time into the beginning of this relationship.

That would be great if that was the end of the story, but its not. It’s not a good story without a little irony thrown in for good measure. So a few days after he told me I was extremely (he used a different word) shallow, I stepped on the scale.

I weighed more than I have ever weighed in my life. Ever.

Music I am listening to: Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette (think Ironic).

Stay tuned: I am now embarking on a new journey toward weight loss and fitness reminiscent of the others I have blogged about, but more permanent.

I am back!!

Hey everyone!!

I have no good excuse for not writing since Covid -19 hit us hard. I really don’t know what happened; you would think Denver’s Shelter In Place period would have been the perfect time to really catch up on writing as there was nothing else to do. Even when things opened up a bit, I should have opened up and started writing again. I am not sure what happened, but I have some ideas. And I want to share them as I start to explore more about myself and what’s keeping me from my ultimate personal success (relationships, fitness, work, etc)….

I deal with anxiety and insomnia on a fairly regular basis. Covid -19 made writing and being physically and mentally healthy much more difficult for me. It became almost impossible for me to find the creative energy to blog and then soon after writer’s block set in. Nothing bad happened to me; I never got really sick, but I did have some preliminary symptoms and got tested (negative).

I have been out and about and continuing to gain some bizarre experiences in the dating world. I have some stories to tell, but I have to play catch up first and bring you all up to date.

First of all, I sold the place I lived in suburbia; that was a sociological experiment gone wrong; I felt so out of place amongst the families and the chit chat that goes with being married with kids. I belong in the city. I moved back into Denver in the summer and I am so happy! Secondly, one of my closest friends is my roommate and we are having fun. I am settled, along with my two pups. I need to start blogging again (this is a good start) and exercising.

Between me and some good friends, I have experienced and heard some dating misadventures and I will be sharing those stories soon with you all. I am also going to restart my journey toward good health and fitness. Physical health also took a huge hiatus when I moved.

So, hang tight people, because I have finally emerged from my hiatus and I have plenty to share.

Deep in the world of dating

Sorry, its been a while. If you remember, I was unclear in my intentions with the last guy I dated. I realized and questioned whether our lifestyles were viable, not to mention the distance between us. Physical distance, I mean. Turns out, it just wasn’t going to work for me. It’s going to be even more awkward when we go to Belize together. In honor of myself and dating, I felt it only appropriate to get my own room. When you’re dating, you can’t expect these new guys to understand that you are sharing a room with someone you have no interest in dating or otherwise. Can you? I didn’t think so. Not appropriate. At all. The guy was saying “the guy you’re dating should understand you’re just friends with me.”. NIce try, but no go. So I got my own room and it was expensive, but a peace of mind is priceless. Am I right?

So yes, while the Belize guy just assumes I am dating, I have officially started wading in the dating pool once again. Deeply wading. Online. The scammers are still there; in fact, I talked to one the other day. They are so easy to spot, then you can call them out on it. I have told two so far they are absolute frauds. However, I have been out with two people and like one in particular. I have a second date this Saturday, so we shall see; My boundary that I am firm on is monogamy .I have even told this new guy that I am fine if he is not ready for the move toward monogamy ,but he knows there will be no sex till then. It’s just my thing. I feel like if I value myself, i am going to not only tell them my boundary, but at least as importantly, I am going to stick to it! This guy is hard to read, but he seems interesting and interested. He could be really genuine and honest about not being ready,. And/or he could be a total player and wants to not give that up till the last minute. I don’t know. But if I take it slow (what a concept!), these things will figure themselves out. I’ll find out more Saturday evening while we cook some dinner and drink some Cabernet. This is the deal; I know what I want. I am going to be patient and wait for him to figure it out for himself. I have time. He told me the other day “You’re sexy as fuck and you’re really pretty”. Are these two mutually exclusive qualities? Is this a compliment or what?! I think it is, but I will wait that out also. And last night he even admitted that he’s glad we waited on our first date. Since it was .our first date after all. I told him it can wait and I am worth it. Because I am.

When the skies aren’t so blue…

So, it’s been a while since my last post. Everything has been blue skies and no clouds for a while….this too shall past. Time for a storm to come in. Everything was going so smoothly. Then I started feeling conflict. I felt the first twinges about a week or two ago, during some political discussions. We had a little misunderstanding about politics and out values/opinions. During a period of time that I have been really evaluating my values and core beliefs, this was a critical issue. I think, if I remember right, this came about last week, still in the midst of the decision regarding Kavanaugh’s fate. And THAT hearing was particularly sensitive for me. Then I found out the guy was more or less aligned with my values. He makes no political Facebook posts, denouncing one party or another, which is something I respect also. But enough about politics. There was something else.

We live 1-2 hours apart (depending on when you’re traveling and in which direction). And when we live in our respective towns, we have completely contrasting lifestyles. He took me on a small walk along the river. It was absolutely beautiful; there is no denying that. He took his fishing rod and we started out. When he swung his rod ,the bait got stuck in my hair. I thought it was an overly aggressive massive bug and I started messing with my hair; it was stuck. It was a bug, but not a real one….just the bait of a fly fisherman, the guy! I could definitely laugh about it then, but it gave me pause. Could this life or anything like it be remotely interesting to me? Then we went near the river and I didnt want to go too close with my sneakers…and he suggested next time I get some river shoes. Excuse me? River shoes? Have we met? I am NOT a river shoes kinda gal. No Teva’s for me, or any thing like that!! Not I! I am more of a Tiffany & CO kinda woman. Now I am all for hikes and dry mountainous adventures. Just no bugs or brush please! It was then that I realized I do not fit in here. I totally respect that this life style is perfect for him. It’s just not for me. I may be messing up the time line regarding the river shoes incident and the political/values misunderstanding, but everything started causing me self-doubt about this relationship. I mean, where can this really go?

So, I started to shut down, really not wanting anything with this. I started to come up with the realization that this relationship is completely NOT viable. How can I waste time traveling to and fro a place where I don’t fit in and I am not sure I even want to? I am 49 years old. I can’t just spend time in a relationship that has no future; he has a 3-5 year plan in his town, career wise; and plus, he loves it there. I totally and utterly respect that. I just have no desire to live there, if it should ever come to that. And he really has no plans to leave and come my way. We are at a stalemate-there is no future.

Then I basically ended it on this premise of no future and said we should just be friends and still go back East in November together and a trip we booked for December as friends. This was a very hard conversation, one of the hardest I have had since my divorce. I thought I would be relieved and have a load off my mind. Then this budding relationship with no future would be behind me; on to the next, per usual routine.

Damn, was I wrong. So wrong. This was the most painful thing ever and all I could do was cry every day and I was sad. Like really crushed. And I was doing the crushing, flipping the script on this guy when I had previously been so into the relationship. How in the world could this be happening? I talked to friends and a therapist. After crying and feeling horrible and a LOT of self-reflection, I realized a few key things.

I am scared. I have never had a relationship go so right from the get go. Go right and hold off on physical intimacy and be successful. While I am not sabotaging this because I feel I don’t deserve this and ending it because I am not worthy ( I know I am), this relationship flow is completely out of my comfort zone. Out of bounds. Not in the ball park of any relationship in the last 25 years. Even and especially my former marriage. So maybe I didn’t realize I was so much in fear of something like this happening. I like being in control of a situation and I definitely am not experienced with a non-physical successful relationship. So I shut down. Ruling out any and all the possibilities based on distance and life style, convincing myself I was just being true to myself. Which maybe I am/was, but how can things be right with this if I am crying and hysterically sad daily. I loved when we talked the first thing in the morning and last thing at night. When I could tell him everything and he actually is interested and engaged in my day.

So we talked. A lot. We will see if this can be worked through. I have hope. I like him an awful lot; and I kinda think he likes me also.

I’m listening to : Stars all seem to weep by Beth Orton

Skies are blue, not a cloud in sight…

So I have always wondered if this is a thing in relationships. Not forever, obviously, but at least for mere moments at a time. I have asked myself if things can just be normal and smooth sailing, no sudden wind changes, no sudden black clouds out of no where for some solid period of space and time. I honestly saw it in other people’s lives with their significant others. I just didn’t think it would be possible for me.

But yet, it is! It’s all possible. I shared a few weeks ago in this post:There’s a nice guy out there, right? that there may be a real guy out there who is respectful, honest, funny, nice and not afraid to commit. And still not the pressuring type. Not only did he commit to hanging out with just me, but to a vacation in December. Yeah, I know! Three whole months away!! I am so excited. Now, between now and then there may be a gray sky now and then, but with a month of no gray skies, I am hopeful the trend will continue, for at least a while. By this, I don’t mean that every day is perfect in itself. But shared with him, I don’t have the anxiety the comes from distrust or bad instincts. I don’t have the frustration from expectations placed too high. Things have been good with equal give and take on both sides. And what I shared in my first post about this guy still stands. All of it!

And if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you too!!

There’s a nice guy out there, right?

Is there someone who doesn’t expect sex on the first date or even the third? How about the guy who doesn’t even ask when he’s going to get it?

Someone that doesn’t care at all if you wear glasses in the morning?

Or the guy who possesses a sense of boundaries, for your weak or even his own?

And he’s super nice and considerate. Because he lets you be you?

What if I told you I met someone like this?

And he’s not my type. Because my type lately has been sleazy douchebag.

I have a new type…because good guys should finish first.

Stay tuned! This is a work in progress.