exercise – Brilliant Distraction

Four months later…

So, I had a great holiday season with the Eligible Bachelor (EB) and we are still together four months later! I celebrated some of the holidays with his family and all of them with him. It’s been unexpected and amazing… who would have known, especially meeting in October and going into the awkward holiday season? But it worked. And you know what? When it’s right, it will all work out.

So, on our first date, it was all about travel. That’s my biggest hobby and he is way more well travelled than I am. Our first trial getaway was Glenwood Springs, CO and it went well. We knew we were going to travel well together; we knew more trips were in our future. Since then, we went diving in Mexico in January and have finalized 90% of our 2 week itinerary in Europe (in July). Does this sound like too much after a few months? Maybe so, but for the first time in a very very long time, it just feels right. I know what wrong feels like.

So let me talk about this a little bit. What does wrong feel like? Agitation, extreme butterflies in the stomach, can’t sleep, suspicion….the list goes on. Everyone says butterflies is an indication of that flutter of first lust and attraction. I am not sure I agree; I have anxiety and butterflies was always a sign of that. When I have extreme anxiety, something is usually wrong or concerning. With the EB, I have felt more calm and self-assured than other relationships in the past. Sure, I had some anxiety in the very beginning with some unknowns, but the truth is I think everyone has a little. I am usually overboard. He does not arouse suspicion, jealousy, or concerns for troublesome behavior. Over a very small amount of time, I have felt even more comfortable and at ease with him. Things just work well. So there are no butterflies, but instead a sense of calm that I wouldn’t trade anything for. I will take calm over butterflies any day!

Our relationship is fairly easy and this has been a long time coming for me. I feel like I can tell him anything and that if something is bothering me about “us”or anything else in my life, I can come forward and discuss it with him. He was able to do the same thing with me about something that was slightly bothering him and I think he was relieved that I was approachable as well. I think this bodes very well for the future. Is everything perfect? Nothing is perfect. Sometimes he is a little sarcastic and I sometimes am a little sensitive….but generally, I am getting a lot better at handing it back to him. He can take it as well as he dishes it out, so all is good!

Right now, we are on a fitness/weight loss journey together. How long have I been attempting this journey people (see past posts!!)?? We have a bet going and will be working on losing the greatest percentage of weight individually. Our bet will end the Monday before we leave for Europe in the summer, so about 5 months. We will continue to maintain our weight loss, but the initial loss will take place from now (the beginning of February, actually) til July. This has been so amazing and I have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks, so things are off to a great start.

Personally, the winter season is one of my hardest. I hate the snow and the cold and not being outside; if my mood can be lifted and my will for weight loss and thrice weekly exercise at the gym can be attained now, I think my overall health and this relationship with the EB are off to good things in this exclusive relationship…

Stay tuned!!

What I am listening to now: Lana Del Ray Essentials

An eligible bachelor….

So maybe in the last couple of months, I have gone out with some real duds; there was one who yelled at the waitress for separate checks before I could verbalize my order. He did not drink and that was fine, except he seemed resentful of mine. He said he was sober, but he was pretty bitter about it. Then, he even so much as told me he had no ambition and lived with a bunch of guys, so he wouldn’t have to pay the bill for his own apartment. Again, great for him, but this was not for me.

Then just a few weeks later, I matched with someone on an app and we had actual chemistry right then and there. We finally met on the Sunday, towards the end of the weekend that we had started texting back and forth on the app, He had a slight cold and I was afraid he was going to cancel, but he did not. We did not trade numbers till the end of our first date. It was one of the best first dates I have ever been on, better than the first date with my ex-husband. That good- I really didn’t want it to end. He was assertive during the date and just kissed me right there in the bar. Granted, I had been scooting toward him over the course of an hour or two. It was perfect. Nothing more than kissing even transpired that night, which was refreshing. I am pretty sure he liked me, but we just ended it on a really good note.

Sooo, for the past few weeks, we have been dating and its been fun. He is so good to my dog and that’s so important. I had to put my older dog down and that’s a totally different blog post. We have had fun dates, amazing conversation and good communication. There’s this one thing. He keeps saying so far. “We’re great…. So far”. I get it, things have been rough on the dating scene, but seriously, we need to be positive. I am waiting for the other shoe to fall sometimes, but I know that being in the moment and not stressing about the future is what forms our memories and communications, our quality time… We have a lot of quality time, and just talk and talk for hours in the kitchen. I think we are both hesitant to go to fast and mess this up, so there have been sleepovers, but nothing really physical. That can wait. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. I don’t even know what “THIS” is. It is so easy with him. I have told my friends about him but not my family (yet); he’s told his sister about me as well. Maybe just that I exist, who knows!

For now, I am getting more active than I have been lately. We go on walks with the puppy, bowling and I am even learning golf. Imagine that, I think I will keep this eligible bachelor,

Stay tuned. More on holidays, vacations etc with the EB!

Why so long???

I ask myself this….. why haven’t I posted in so long? I could say that I have been busy, but everyone is busy….excuses, excuses… Is it because I am afraid of getting stalked a little and my voice is self-censored because I don’t want to deal with that? Maybe. Is it because I don’t have anything to say right now? I don’t think so, I am always thinking of things to blog about at the most inopportune time.

I changed gyms and getting regular with a gym that I love; the problem has been food. Food gets in the way and we know you can’t outrun a bad diet. Not that I run….of course not, but you know what I mean. Over all, I have been better, but as I type, I am sipping on a calorie free iced tea paired with a polycaloric croissant. Why do I do this to myself? I have eaten slightly less sugary crap. Though, when that Cinnabon store opens at the mall, I will be in trouble.

What I need to do is carve out time for meal prep like I used to do. I prepared the week by making chicken on one day and a big salad and eating that during the week, This is what I need to be doing. I will blog more. And more often. That is my promise to you!

Till then….

Committed to fitness…

So I am currently working out at an inexpensive gym. I just finished work with a personal trainer and I have a good routine. My dream is to get to a more full service gym that is a lot nicer and has a leisure pool for summer enjoyment. In order to justify such an expense, I need to make sure it is going to pay off. My experiment is this: If I can work out at the gym at least 3 times a week regularly for at least 4 weeks, I will join the bougie gym. It’s actually closer to me and they may have classes that I will actually enjoy.

Fitness has been a struggle for me and it’s closely tied with my dietary lifestyle. I need to want these things more than French fries and pizza. You know what I mean? I enjoy the feeling of going to the gym AFTER I am done; it is the ‘getting there’ that is the biggest challenge for me. I think the motivation of weight loss and feeling awesome is getting stronger and as soon as it surpasses the motivation for eating a really tasty order of nachos, I’ll have a good handle on it. The really cool thing is exercise regularly makes me NOT want to eat that crappy food. This is super cool. Because I need something to get me going when the struggle is so real.

Maybe I need a vision board for this? What would help me get past the shit food and oh, alcohol!? I don’t drink a ton, but when I do, the alcohol is completely a waste of calories. I am thinking of going off alcohol for a month and seeing how that works, calorie wise. I will admit when I drank too much last weekend, it rendered me useless the next day; I didn’t even feel like I could work out. Booze just isn’t helping the cause either. I was mad at myself for letting vodka and cranberry cocktails ruin my Saturday. No more!

I must sign off now as I am headed out for a hike! Here’s to fitness and a healthy lifestyle…. If anyone has good ideas on how to motivate for healthy weight loss or hints on how to fit this in, leave a comment! Please!

The end of the writer’s block—at least I hope so!

It’s been so many months since I have posted; I know that it’s not right, but I had a big dose of life going on. I finally got my place in Denver. I’ve always lived in Denver and the surrounding area, but this is ownership in the actual city! Amidst the homelessness, the violence, the substance abuse crisis, and many others ailments of Denver, I am the proud owner of a condo in a very established neighborhood. While I moved in August, I am just now feeling more settled.

I have been writing about relationships and exercise. Separately. Two different entities. I think its time to stop that. I think that I am ready to blend those tow areas of my life, because they have truly been intermixed this whole time. I think my weight has gotten in the way of my relationships and I think seeking a relationship has taken time from my time at the gym. They are indeed fused and I can’t compartmentalize them any more.

I think its also time I write about my valuable friendships, because they are the glue that holds me together sometimes; I think it’s only right that I make a few changes to my approach…mostly because its overdue, but also it may help me break my creative block. In the next posts to come, you will read about my life and adventures in staying fit, navigating the dating scene, and travel.

More to come….

Treadmill 2.0

So, I haven’t been on my treadmill for months. Four months to be exact. Till about Saturday. I realized after stepping on the scale to see my “biggest number ever” that something was going to have to change. I had knee issues. I used that as an excuse to just stop altogether. Why try when you can just quit?! Well, we know that’s just stupid. But that’s how I regarded my Peloton for months. Now, I had to get it together. I will do anything to never see that number again. Ever.

Because of my knees, I am starting slow. I am going to walk 15 minutes every other day. After one to two weeks, I will work up to 20-25minutes and keep going every two weeks up to 45 minute walks. Then I will add the incline.

My short term goal is to notice some weight loss (my food choices are changing too and that will be another post) in the next month. I hope to keep that going every week. I have gained a lot. My weight loss goal is 45-50 pounds. I will not stoop until I get there. That’s where I was 2-4 years ago when I had lost with another fitness/food plan. I had goals and guidelines in February that I plan to live by.

My long term goal for the Spring of 2021: the Manitou Incline. Readers: I welcome you to take a look at this trail in Colorado. It is not a 14’er, but it is my goal and accomplishing this will make me truly proud.

I’ll keep you all posted!!

Larger than life.

Okay, so I was told, or rather texted that I was the most shallow person ever. That I should be ashamed of myself for how horrible I was for ultimately having to confess I was not attracted to him after meeting him. I thought I could get there (attraction), but I just could not.

Let’s back up a second. I guess I should begin at the beginning. We didn’t talk that long before we met, but our first night of talking was a marathon. Yes, a marathon of 5.5 hours. Jesus. I was attracted to his face. I asked for more pics because well, I needed to get the full picture! He warned me that he had back surgery almost 2 years ago and had gained some weight then got sick, so his weight loss has not really taken off. He sent me some vague pics, but they didn’t seem so bad. So bad is an understatement. I agreed to visit him in the Springs. So we decided on last Tuesday. I was pretty excited, because our conversations have been great and we were looking for the same things; I didn’t see anything that could go wrong, except physical attraction and I was hoping I would not be disappointed.

I got to his house. I knocked on the door. It was kind of downhill from there. He warned me his house was going to be a mess because he had been sick a few weeks ago and had not cleaned his kitchen yet (even though he was sick weeks ago and fine now). And while his kitchen was fairly atrocious with dishes everywhere and crap food sitting on the counter tops (does he even eat healthfully?), the biggest issue was staring back right at me. He was much bigger than he led me to believe. His photos that he sent to me were very vague and hid a lot, as it turned out. My face didn’t lie. Apparently, he could tell right away that I was taken aback by his appearance. I know this is downright horrible, but I feel this is misleading advertising. I feel that while beauty is skin deep (I really do), physical attraction is a huge part to a spark.

I know I need to lose weight too, so this is the part that is so hard. I had full pics on my profile though from the last few months. So we talked about it …the weight. We talked about weight being temporary and how we can both lose weight; I just couldn’t keep the disappointment off my face. I wasn’t convinced, but I was trying to rationalize my long trip down to the Springs and my investment in this very short lived relationship. We came to the conclusion that we would try to lose weight together. So I felt that would satisfy me for a while. I spent the night with him, which was a huge mistake. Huge mistake. It just brought the fact home that I absolutely COULD NOT do this. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I don’t know if it was the strange bed, the strange man, or simply the size of the man sleeping next to me. I couldn’t wait to get out of there in the morning.

The next day, I barely texted; he asked me what was up and I said all was fine, but I was busy working. The truth. And not the truth. Yes, I was on the clock, but that never stopped me from spending time texting with him through out the day. He could tell there was something different. When he asked me what was going on, I was vague. I was kind. I didn’t see the need to be blunt, but in all honesty that was at the recommendation of my good friend. I really just wanted to be done with it. He pressured me and dug for answers. He told me to not give him riddles.. Tell him like it is. So I told him there was no sexual chemistry for me; I was not physically attracted to him. It was then I got the text. The horrifying text that I was indeed shallow. I was awful and should be ashamed of myself. This was the shittiest thing that ever happened to him. I apologized. He said to stop messaging him. So I stopped. But I couldn’t stop thinking how I made him feel. Even though he sent me misleading photos. Even though I invested a lot of time into the beginning of this relationship.

That would be great if that was the end of the story, but its not. It’s not a good story without a little irony thrown in for good measure. So a few days after he told me I was extremely (he used a different word) shallow, I stepped on the scale.

I weighed more than I have ever weighed in my life. Ever.

Music I am listening to: Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette (think Ironic).

Stay tuned: I am now embarking on a new journey toward weight loss and fitness reminiscent of the others I have blogged about, but more permanent.

I am back!!

Hey everyone!!

I have no good excuse for not writing since Covid -19 hit us hard. I really don’t know what happened; you would think Denver’s Shelter In Place period would have been the perfect time to really catch up on writing as there was nothing else to do. Even when things opened up a bit, I should have opened up and started writing again. I am not sure what happened, but I have some ideas. And I want to share them as I start to explore more about myself and what’s keeping me from my ultimate personal success (relationships, fitness, work, etc)….

I deal with anxiety and insomnia on a fairly regular basis. Covid -19 made writing and being physically and mentally healthy much more difficult for me. It became almost impossible for me to find the creative energy to blog and then soon after writer’s block set in. Nothing bad happened to me; I never got really sick, but I did have some preliminary symptoms and got tested (negative).

I have been out and about and continuing to gain some bizarre experiences in the dating world. I have some stories to tell, but I have to play catch up first and bring you all up to date.

First of all, I sold the place I lived in suburbia; that was a sociological experiment gone wrong; I felt so out of place amongst the families and the chit chat that goes with being married with kids. I belong in the city. I moved back into Denver in the summer and I am so happy! Secondly, one of my closest friends is my roommate and we are having fun. I am settled, along with my two pups. I need to start blogging again (this is a good start) and exercising.

Between me and some good friends, I have experienced and heard some dating misadventures and I will be sharing those stories soon with you all. I am also going to restart my journey toward good health and fitness. Physical health also took a huge hiatus when I moved.

So, hang tight people, because I have finally emerged from my hiatus and I have plenty to share.

Just do it 2

I am really struggling. What is my problem!? I want to join the ranks of healthy and fit minded people. I want to balk at burgers, pizza, and nachos. What is making me instead, whole heartedly magnetized to these foods? Is it emotional eating? I don’t think so? But how do I know? I don’t feel especially more satisfied after eating crap food, so why do I still eat it? I have done the committed diet lifestyle before. Twice!

I think sometimes I am just not ready. Then I think, “that’s not true!”… I want to change, lose weight, lose the desire for poor choices. Right now I just finished a low calorie snack that is part of a lifestyle change…and an unsweetened iced tea (no calories) and feel great. Every time I make good choices, I feel great. This is a no brainer, right? Right. Now I just have to shift my choices. Protein and veggies (French fries don’t count) for me! Once I lose the weight, all the abdominal and strength training work I am doing with my personal trainer will show through, given that I am still working out.

On a positive note, I am getting exercise in mostly every week. A nice walk, dancing at the club (don’t laugh-I burned about 500 calories Friday night!), walking around huge convention centers (another 350 calories)…. I also am wrapping up my personal training this month. I am starting Pilates and super excited about that. I will be committing to that three times a week. For the weeks that personal training and Pilates over lap, I will be doing them both on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Yay me! I am looking forward to making a difference with my new Pilates body, but I said that with personal training. That’s where nutrition and good food choices come in.

Here I go!

If any one has ideas on how to get motivated, I will certainly invite them. Intellectually I know this comes from within, but inspiration is always invited!!

Gaining …and not in a good way

I have put myself in a carb rut. I’m giving in to my cravings of carbs. I am kind of over the sugar rut. I can take it or leave it when it comes to candy. The stronger pull for me is pizza, bread, pasta, rice, and all that “stuff” that makes the carb pile fill up. I have been so successful on veggies and protein and I am getting back to that starting with my next meal. “ Do or not do; there is no try”, said Yoda. He was a smart dude! I used that to stop smoking. I actually did, every day. So being a strong addiction, nicotine took a hike. I can do the same for the bad carbs. The funny thing though, is that food is necessary for life. Nicotine is not. Therefore, I find it so much easier to justify. I need to stop justifying and just stop with these bad carbs. I bet that i will start to drop the weight as soon as carbs exit my routine diet. Let’s find out. I’ll keep you all posted.

I am working out. Kind of. This week, I was sick and out of town and the combination made it hard to get my work out in; I did see my trainer on Friday. I am doing a class on Tuesday at the gym and the commitment feels good. I need to be accountable. I have a trainer session on Friday, so that just leaves one more day to work out on my own, which will be Saturday. And no, I didn’t forget about yoga…Just time to fit it all in!!

More to come….