It’s been a busy month. That’s no excuse for a blogger, I know! While I still think of Paris all the time, and I know I am not done with Paris quite yet, it has to take a place in the rear view mirror while I move forward with some life choices in both my work and personal lives. I am very comfortable at work, but I am thinking of making a career change. I wish I could devote all my time to blogging and I could write all the time, but alas, it’s not in my financial future. What I can take action steps in is recreating my resume and educating myself in new ventures. Enough of the boring work talk….let’s talk self-care.
I have been very skinny my whole life. That is, until the last few years. In the last 5-7 years, to be exact, Then the pounds came on. I used to eat with absolute impunity. Now, I gain weight eyeing the cinnamon roll! What happened?? All I know is that my body is changing and I need to take control. I was successful in 2016 and lost 30 pounds. Yeah me! Except, I got lazy and lost my groove. And this time, I gained back all of it and more; that’s right! I gained 40 pounds back. Now a friend has turned me on to on new lifestyle program that includes weight loss and my goal is 40 pounds. When I reach that, I will do what I need to so I can keep the weight off and continue to make healthy choices.
This all sounds fantastic in a great ideal world, but its going to be a challenge for me. I love steak and potatoes and BREAD. Yes, lots of bread. I can still have a lean steak with broccoli or asparagus and a nice salad. With dressing even….but it has to be approved by the program. I am really going to miss my carbs in the form of buns, pizza, cookies, doughnuts.. You name it, I will miss it.
But what if I could rearrange my paradigm of health and didn’t have to miss those things? I think that’s what I am going to discover with this plan. I am only on day #3. Three days in, lots can look good! Let’s see what happens.
PS: Next time, we will talk about exercise and diet!
Why am I posting exercise and fitness rants when I am supposed to be writing about dating, relationships and communication between males and females as well as female friends? That was the focus, right? Well, I have found that the relationship I have with myself is pretty damn important. If I can’t be happy with the way I look or feel, how can I exude confidence? I can’t. If I can’t, how can I expect others to be confident in me and experience an attract to someone they want to get to know (male or female)? I can’t do that either. I am going go to be successful in the adventures of relationships with guys and my female friends when I am successful in the relationship I have with myself. Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City character) said this pretty exactly in the last episode of Sex and the City Season six, part two.
Enter fitness and exercise. And diet (seemingly my albatross). When I have the tools in my tool chest, I have no excuses. Especially when I have used the tools with success in the last year. I have no one to blame but myself when I am to happy with the way things are going. I love the fitness part. I hate the healthy eating part. Except, I love the way I feel and look when I am successful with healthy eating patterns and habits. I hate the way I feel after eating at McDonalds. Why is it so hard? It makes total sense that I should be fully on board with the “eating right” thing. But I am not. So far from it. This weekend I have consumed the following in no particular order:
- gummy bears
- hot wings and sweet potato fries
- two IPAs
- movie popcorn
- lemon drop martini
- red wine
- omelet with bacon and cheese (don’t forget the potatoes and bread with that please)
- and some other stuff I can’t get remember.
So why is this so hard this year? If I could break through that, I think I could get to the crux of the problem. Just Saturday, I was reminded of my fat content when my personal trainer said “today, we are doing measurements”. Uh? What? I thought the fat caliper measurement was all that we needed to determine how out of shape I was. Clearly, not so much.
I have done the diet, the eating right, the changing of the paradigm. What happened over this last holiday season that got me so far off track? I am going to work on answerig that one, right after I grab a rice cake. Seriously, they are not so bad when you put some white cheddar cheese on top. Just kidding….Not.
I want it now. I’m working hard to accomplish my goals. So where’s the pay off? I mean, I’ve been at it for a solid week and a half and NOTHING to show for it. I have to say the frustration of not having the pay off by now has me infinitely irritated. I’m kinda pissed. Like really pissed that my hard-working isn’t leaving anything behind. Like globs of fat. And laziness. And crap food. Now I know in order to get the body I want (the flattest stomach ever and no visible cellulite), I simply can’t expect it now. It’s going to take time and effort. Definitely more than 1.5 weeks of working my body hard, but slightly less focused on my daily nutritional intake. That part sucks. I have been improving, but then I ordered Italian food for delivery tonight. How am I supposed to get it now, when all I am ordering now is baked ziti and garlic knots? It’s going to take a dietary overhaul and this kick ass work out at the gym. Its going to take both in big doses. Wanting it all now is going to have to wait for later.
In the midst of my frustrations and hard work, there are the (not so) small accomplishments. The little feats that make up my personal best to date in my recent experience. They make it ALL worth it. I honestly had no earthly idea that I could row or really do anything remotely athletic. Sure, it’s a rowing machine. Sure, it’s a contrived experience in a gym. But, I am rowing! I am doing these 2 minute cardio bursts and going to out-distance myself each time. The first few times, I rowed 250 meters in 2 minutes. Yesterday, I beat my personal best with my trainer and rowed about 410 meters in 2 minutes. I guess this is meaningless unless you’ve rowed (in real life or the gym). And I am guessing my personal best only applies to the gym version of rowing. I don’t care. And this is why. Its my personal best on this machine. It is the most athletic thing I have ever done in my life.If you went to school with me, you knew I was far from sports-minded. You chose me last for kickball and that’s okay today. Because tomorrow I am headed for the gym to beat my personal best. And that’s all that matters.
So I mentioned my new work out plan: a gym and a personal trainer. I am ecstatic and I remain thrilled…six days in! I am so ready to do what ever my PT wants me to do on the mat, on a nautilus machine, or even, and especially, the rower machine! Enthusiasm at its finest! I am so careful to avoid the use of “can’t”, instead carefully substituting it for the word challenging or “I’ll try that”. Often this word choice has taken a conscious effor. I am exercising my mind as well las my body. I am honest and tell him everything I want to get from my work out and will work hard for: weight loss, body strength, all over tone, and yeah, of course: a flat stomach. My dream. I am on a mission and I have been focused and determined everytime he adds another exercise to my work out plan.
At the end of my first three sessions, my PT hands me the work sheet and says that my homework is now laid out for me. I can text him if I need to. The last thing I am going to do is be “THAT client, the one that’s bothering him all the time. Today, I came home from work and walked my dog after changing into my exercise attire. Totally psyched! All ready, get set go…..I get to the gym and do a little 5 minute cardio warm up on the bike. Then I stretch. So far so good. Then I read the Workout Plan aka my prescription for fitness. I am afflicted utterly and completely. With work out amnesia………I lost any memory of what my PT had carefully outlined for me. I felt like a world-class idiot. Just days, correction, the day before, I was following close instruction and could have sworn I was paying attention to all the moves. I drew a blank. So what do I do? I wing it. I stretch, I do the best memory of a few different exercises and did the reps for those. I hopped on my new favorite machine: the Rower. I rowed almost 350 meters in 2 minutes and called it a day.
Enthusiasm and amnesia and confessions. Confessions to my PT Saturday. When I tell him about my meager amnesia in the face of my genuine enthusiasm.
via Daily Prompt: Later
So you can tell I am a HUGE Smiths fan. For all of you that got the reference in the first place. I digress from the word prompt today….when I think about later, I think the most obvious of course, the moment in time that I will do those dreaded things on my to do list. Right now, there’s a small number of items on the list.
- change the lightbulbs in my lamps that are not critical
- organize and spring clean my clothes wardrobe
- read all my French magazines and the health magazines I meant to be inspired by
- finally try mushrooms
- go to Costco and downgrade that membership I never use
- make the same mistake twice
Obvious music pairing: The Smith’s song that inspired me!
So if you recall, last month, I posted about actually exercising when I say I will and the whole nine. Since then, I have been actually walking. Mind you, not to the extent I used to. No 5-7 miles daily for me (although I would love to). Slowly, but surel , I am getting there. The catalyst (publishing a post and saying it out loud, so to speak) to actually walking more than a quick ’round the block’ with my dog was strongly reinforced last weekend. It was amazing!
Last weekend I spent much needed time with family in California. I told my aunt I wanted to really walk ….and eat well. Did she fulfill my request? Hell, yeah! I had some amazing walks and got to catch up and talk. It was fantastic. We walked all over her neighborhood, CoD, and Sunnylands, not to mention some other great places. I kept my Apple watch on all day, accumulating extra miles through out the day. I was racking up 4-7 miles a day. Fantastic, I thought. This is the way to go! I was absolutely excited to be back in the game. I could go on and on about how amazing the weekend was with my aunt and uncle, but I mustn’t digress. This is about exercise….so I left California kicking and screaming. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it there!!
So here I am on a Sunday, back home. About a week and what have I done since California? I definitely have not done 4-7 mile days. However, I have been able to get daily 1-4 mile walks in. Sometimes slow walks with my puggle Max. Sometimes at a faster clip. I wish I could say I have already gotten back to my power walks with 14 minute miles. Damn! That’s the most frustrating part. I can’t seem to walk faster than a 15 or 16 minute mile. Maddening! Perhaps I need to mix my exercise with better food from the diet I achieved so much success from last year.
I realize what I remember to be true. I am going to really have to curb my eating habits as well as really amp up my power walks. They can’t be leisurely strolls. I need to kick ass. Kiss ass and just STOP with the cookies and anything that may tempt me at the office.
Little by little, I will chip away and be ready for my spring dresses. This post makes me want to go out and buy salad ingredients! Yay me!!
What do you guys do daily to watch what you put in your body and get that daily calorie burn?? I would love some hints. I did well last year, but could refresh with some new ideas!! Please comment and I’ll read each one!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!
I started an incredible diet last year. Right around this time as a matter of fact. I lost 30 pounds. I was serious. For many months. Around the holidays, I denied that I was being sucked in by the whole food thing. I can’t deny it anymore. I hate that I have gained some of the weight back. The good thing is how quickly my body made me aware of it. I got headaches when I splurged on my Valentine’s conversation hearts (you know the ones that taste like chalk? Yeah, I am pretty much addicted to them). I felt like crap after the recent doses of fast food. Thank you body for doing me right. For giving me a signal. The cool thing is I did so much good last year, that I only lost two months really, December and January. Interesting how fast weight can come back and bite you in the ass. I think I have gained at least 10 pounds and I will lose it. Back to the 5 mile walks and the grilled chicken. At least my dinners are still healthy. I make the time to ensure my dinners are not crap. It’s the day at work sitting at a cubicle that gets to me. I need to get back to my carrots and mustard dip and cucumbers. Back to early morning protein shakes. Bye bye Moe’s bagels. You were so yummy, but oh so naughty with your carbs and more carbs. Hasta la vista bagel!
So today, I rededicate my exercise initiative. There is no time like the present. I am not needing to start at square one again, but I just need to get back on the lake path at my complex. I will be reasonable. I will not expect 14 minute mile walks. I will be happy with 15-16 minute miles. For a week. Then I will step it up.
As far as food and diet, I have been faithful to my nutritional needs and diet in the evenings, but its the day at work I am struggling with at the moment. Along with the bagels, the Doritos and the conversation hearts, the diet soda must go as well.
See you on the track!